mysphereishere

2011-06-27T18:56:00.000-07:00

I am recycling this from a "note" I wrote in FB...because someone recently mentioned that they had not seen me blog lately...and I am lazy.

So here ya go!

I just read this article
http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-as-a-mission-field#.Tf9yBUxH_0w;facebook
posted by a friend of mind, and it made me think....

When I was raising my children...and even as recently as a couple of years ago... my mother was constantly reminding me that my children were my mission field. Not because I didn't love spending time with my kids, as a matter of fact I am one of the few moms I know that HATED when their children had to go back to school at the end of the summer! It was just that I always felt that what I was doing wasn't IMPORTANT as what OTHERS might me doing. So my mother would occasionally remind me that raising my children was the MOST important thing I could do...at least during that particular season of my life.

BUT, the importance of my mission field never REALLY sank in until my children were older and began to tell me, in their own words, that I was fairly good at being a mom.

One night we were watching a TV show and one character asked another, "What were you put on this earth to do?". And for whatever reason that question hit me like a ton of bricks. So, the next morning I asked my oldest, "What do YOU think I was put on this earth to do?" And she said, "You're a mom.", and I said, "THANKS A LOT!", and she says, "No, you're a mom. You are like THE mom. You could show young mothers how to be a mom." And it was then that I REALLY started to understand how important my job was.

Now, we have had a quite a few hurdles during the past few years that have made me SERIOUSLY question what kind of a mom I really was when my children were growing up. They grew up, started to make their OWN decisions and like the rest of us came to, or, are coming to understand that being a grown up isn't as easy as it looks. I am pretty sure they are beginning to really GET that our actions have some very serious consequences. As they have gone through this process God has had to constantly remind me that I am not responsible for their decisions. And let me tell you something, this is NOT an easy thing to accept and allow to grow in your spirit, especially when each hurdle seems to be a little bit higher.

ANYWAY...The past couple of years I was kind of excited that I could do almost anything I wanted to do because my children were pretty much grown. My time was my own...for the most part. I was spending more time in the word, journaling and writing. I took up gardening, learned to bake bread and purchased chickens feeling that these were important skills worthy of learning and passing on to my children and grandchildren. And I FINALLY came up with a handmade item I felt willing to "put on the market" after MANY years of being away from the arts and crafts business.

Then, late last summer, within a period of two weeks, I found out that my son had Type 1 diabetes...AND that I was going to be a grandmother...and I came to understand that in our particular circumstance my job as a mother would be a little more "hands on" than most mothers of 6 foot 4, seventeen year old sons and 21 year old pregnant daughters.

It has been a fairly hard year, and quiet honestly I don't see a whole lot of smooth sailing in the near future. The hand we have been dealt is someone "ongoing"....to say the least. And whereas the last two summers I was baking bread, tending gardens, canning jellies and raising chickens...this summer my gardens lay unplanted and I am once again spending my morning caring for a newborn while his mommy works oh so hard to support him.

If I stop to consider the "two steps back" I have taken, it can be quite overwhelming. And then I remember...every song I sing, every diaper I change, every load of baby clothes I wash, every bottle I give and ever prayer I say for and hug I give to our grandson... and our pretty much grown kids...is part of my mission field. And I am oh so thankful that my heavenly father chose to call me back to this particular kind of duty.

Thanks for the reminder Brittney! I will try to keep all of these things in mind the next time I try to write while jiggling a baby on my knee and having to stop three times to look out the window or find something else to make him happy! Maybe I will be back in the swing enough to get my gardens in NEXT spring! ;)

Twent-Five Years and Counting...

2011-03-23T20:48:00.000-07:00

I know, I'm not writing. My updates are limited to quick posts and pics on Facebook in between jobs around the house. I posted on FB today, "Cheryl Pyle is going to mop,clean the fridge inside and out, unpack the rest of the baby's stuff, sew,make a roast and do whatever else can be crammed into one day. Spring cleaning + baby on the way = no rest for the weary!"

Actually, I only got the fridge cleaned and the roast made because I spent time watching TV with Kirsten and taking pics of the pets and Kirsten's ever expanding belly. BUT...the roast and potatoes were perfect, the pet pics are pretty cute, the inside of the fridge is BLINDING and... I might never have this kind of time with my oldest child ever again... because within a week or so she is going to be a mommy and I am going to be a grammy. So, I'm trying not to beat myself up too much. Kirsten has her weekly doctor's appointment and her last shift at work tomorrow so I will work twice as hard while she is out of the house.

Yesterday, after cleaning the stove, unpacking some of the baby's stuff, and visiting with some sweet friends who stopped by to "school" us on how to properly install the baby's carseat (because things have TOTALLY changed since our children were little!!)....I took the afternoon off and went to dinner and a movie with my wonderful husband. For, as of yesterday afternoon, we have been married for twenty-five years.

Twent-five years.

DO YOU HEAR ME??? TWENTY-FIVE YEARS!!

On March 22, 1986, on a chilly spring afternoon, under a large oak tree, surrounded by 150 of our closest friends and family...after misplacing our marriage license which delayed our ceremony by thirty minutes, which turned out to be a good thing because Jeff's parents had been stopped for speeding on the way to the church...and after several friends from our church had to stop the groundskeepers from unloading their lawnmowers due to a communication glitch...AND after having the groomsmen on alert because we had heard that Jeff's crazy ex-girlfriend was planning to crash our wedding and make a scene...the love of my life and I were wed.

The whole event was a home grown, family affair. My parents and my our first choir director sang, my pregnant best friend, my cousin and Jeff's sister where bridesmaids, Jeff's cousin was the ring bearer, my brother was one of his groomsmen, my former youth director and swimming teacher took the photographs, my aunts pressed our dresses and did my hair, my "other" mom baked our wedding cake, Jeff baked his own grooms cake, my mom made my dress, Jeff's mom made his tux, and Jeff's former youth director performed the ceremony and we spent our honeymoon in a seedy hotel in San Antonio and then camping in a two man pup tent. Our wedding cost less than a thousand dollars.

I look back now and realize what babies we were, how un-elegant our ceremony was, how BIG my hair was and how PINK everything was.

But you know what? All we wanted was to be married. And twenty-five years later we aren't any LESS married for lack an expensive, professionally co-ordinated wedding.

In some ways our whole wedding was a foreshadowing of things to come. Our lives have never been fancy, we've never had any money, and the best times we have ever had have been events where we were surrounded by our friends and family and everyone pitched in using their own special gifts and talents to make things memorable.

Thanks to all of you who made our wedding day special, to those of you who contributed to make our twenty-fifth anniversary special...and to all of you who have worked so hard to make the upcoming birth of our first grandchild special. We are blessed...even more so because SEVERAL of you have been on this whole crazy ride with us!! From dating, to wedding, to the births of OUR children to the birth of our fist grandchild...and all points in between. We could never have made it without you, your prayers and your love.

Blessing to all!! Maybe my next posting will be from the hospital while waiting for the Wee One to make his debute in the first scene of a TOTALLY new act in this dramedy we call....

Our lives.

Forever Thankful 2

2011-02-27T06:52:00.000-08:00

I have decided to take a few "Notes" from my FaceBook page and "repeat" them here on my blog.

This one from June 2010. I think it is appropriate because this week was the birthday of the pastor I mentioned in this particular musing. Come to find out he has a blog too. His name is Dr. Vic Taylor and his blog,"Pulpitministries" is listed over there on the lower right hand side under "Blog Stalking".

There is an update at the end of this "Note".
*************************************************

But God does not take away life; instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him. 2 Samuel 14:14

My friend Christie shared this scripture with her husband Mark last week...and HE was faithful and shared it as he taught us on Sunday morning...and as we read it together, on a clear spring morning, which had been set aside to honor our graduates...I was OVERWHELMED by it's meaning in MY life.

For me,as we read it together,I was once again a skinny, tangle haired, snaggle toothed filthy little kid who played outside CONSTANTLY. And my mother owned a grooming shop/boarding kennel..... into which one day a young pastor walked...and invited our family to church.

Think what you may....but I know in my heart that on that particular day....our Heavenly Father devised a way so that a WHOLE family of banished persons could not remain estranged from him.

There are some days that the knowledge of this fact fills my heart and mind to a point that it squishes tears right out of my eyes. Sunday was one...as I was reminded through God's world that what had happened on that day 30+ years ago was NOT mere coincidence.

Today was yet another.

As I watched a video of Connor eating watermelon with his Poppy. As I prepared for my best friends visit. As I gazed upon the baby pictures of our first choir director's grandchild, posted on FB by his daughter whom I babysat. As I read snippets about the floor a friend is laying. As I wait for updates from New Zealand, Ecuador, Africa and Mexico. As I drink in all of the wedding plans,baby news and pray for those who serve our country. As I agree with my "other mother" that her grandchild should change his profile pic. As I listen to my husband... whom I met at that young pastor's church...dig post holes with the tall skinny son we have been blessed with....

I am once again "laid low" by God's grace and mercy....and his love for a young hippie family. That he cared enough to lead a young pastor and his cocker spaniel into the business of a young pregnant woman who had cried out for a savior...not knowing what that meant...during the height of one of the largest evangelical movements I have ever witnessed.....

And by the "family" he has given me because he did not wish for me....a once skinny,now gray haired, still pretty filthy from "playing" outside,little kid at heart....to remain estranged from my Heavenly Father.

I love you all more that you could ever imagine.
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I like to go back to this note on occasion. It reminds me of the things for which I am truly thankful. I also like to do a mental "update" of the things that have happened SINCE the original writing. I do this with my journal too. It is AMAZING how quickly things change.

Since this was written in June...

My mother and I have both shared the testimony of how a devine encounter with a young pastor and his cocker spaniel changed our lives forever.

We found out we were going to be grandparents and my "other mom" made my new grandson a VERY CUTE blanket for when he gets here in March...thus reminding me that she has now loved FIVE generations of my family!!

Our former choir director has had yet ANOTHER grandchild...this one given to him by his daughter.

Our friends in New Zealand survived a major earthquake this week and it shot them RIGHT into full time ministry in a way unimaginable to most of us. Please check out THEIR blog, "The Cremisphere", also listed on the lower right hand side and give if you can. They really are doing good the work of God right in their own neighborhood!

We have a young friend who just purchased a ticket to Guatemala and so we will be praying for his mission experience down there!! We will also be praying for his family who have been a HUGE source of prayer and support for us during this time of "adjusting" to being new grandparents. His mother has held my hand many times during the past few months.

Let's not forget the 40 some odd people who gathered together last Saturday to bless my daughter, my grandson and our family as a whole. There have only a few times in our lives where we have been able to gaze across a crowded room and witness first hand the love of the family God has seen fit to give us. Their generosity during her baby shower was overwhelming.

Oh...the Uncle and Aunt of young Connor...the beautiful tyke eating watermelon in the video, which prompted my original post in June...well they have have also shown our beautiful daughter and The Wee One acts of kindness beyond our ability to repay. From THEIR blessings...they are blessing others.

And my parent's support; spiritually, physically, financially, emotionally,is beyond comprehension at times. The last time I said, "Thank You" to my mom, I literally prayed for someone to invent another term to express gratitude.

Anyway...the point is this....

In the eight months since writing my original post, I have been "laid low" time and time again by God's grace and mercy. That God should care for us... not only for our very SOULS, but for our day to day well being...and that he, in my darkest hours, chooses to remind me that he is indeed working in our lives through the actions of those he has seen fit to allow us to live life with...

Well...as ironic as it may seem to most of you...I have no words to express what his actions means to me.

A long way to go....but I'll get by with a little help from my friend.

2011-02-26T07:40:00.000-08:00

One month to go until I get to hold my grandson. Four and a half weeks. Thirty-Two days.

We have come so far since learning of his impending arrival. We have painted and moved our middle child downstairs to the basement. We have purchased some necessary baby items. We have given one HUGE baby shower with the help of my mother and MANY friends. My goofy husband FINALLY picked what name he wants to be called,and it is simply,Grandpa. AND...we have cried a million tears and said hundreds of prayers as God has prepared us for this GIANT change in our family.

BUT...we still have a LONG way to go,and a short time to get there. We have another room to paint this weekend, more furniture to move, curtains to hang,baby clothes and blankets to wash,carpets to be cleaned, things to sew, a dresser to paint, a crib to set up, another baby party to throw...and I am sure there will be hundreds upon hundreds more tears to be shed and dozens and dozens of prayers to be said.

These things NEED to be done, but he will come regardless. He will come in GOD'S timing...not mine. Truth be told if he were coming in MY timing we would have waited a few years. I can not WAIT to see him, I ALREADY love him more than words can say, but I am not sure if I am ready to be a grandmother. I am still pretty convinced that I have warped my own children in ways unimaginable.

I have been accused of being controlling by those who do not know me and do not CARE to know me. And I have been accused of sheltering my children by those who do. Controlling no. If you know anything about me you know I have no control over ANYTHING. SO I am not even going to argue that with you. Have I sheltered my children? HECK YEAH!! Did their father and I monitor what they watched on TV, what movies that viewed and what books they read? You're darn tootin'! Did we make our daughters wait until high school to wear makeup and insist that they leave the house fully clothed? Sure thing! Did we make them wait until they were older teenagers to even THINK about dating? You betcha! We sheltered them..and covered them with prayer...and tried to SHOW them the love of our Lord as best we could.

But we are NOT idiots. We understand that we live in a fallen world and that God gives us all free will. Our children have their own paths to follow and their own decisions to make. We can not control them any more than we can control the path of the wind (past blog reference).

And because we have no control...no say what so ever...we will be grandparents in roughly 32 days.

But here's the thing...we haven't had much control over ANYTHING in our adult lives!! We fell in love at a very young age and because being apart was almost impossible for the two of us...we got married. Because of this we had no money. So, we lived with my parents or in crappy apartments. After a while we THOUGHT we were following God's calling and gave up our jobs and our apartments to go live and work with troubled teens,only to have the place shut down. So we crawled back home to our family with almost nothing and within months we discovered that I was pregnant. And although GREATLY loved and most welcome...none of our three children were planned.

There have been a couple of things we have "controlled". My wonderful husband when back to school and graduated at the top of his class after discovering I was pregnant with our first. AND we left our home and family in Texas to give our children a better life here in Colorado. Two major decisions made with as as much "control" as humanly possible. That is about it!

Oh...and we had total free will when we decided to follow Christ. Regardless of what you believe about those who choose to follow Christ, this is NOT an easy decision. You do not fall into it. You do not choose it because your parents chose it. It is not an EASY choice. Everything is not springtime and sunshine and all of your problems do not go away if you choose to follow Christ.

Most of the time, if you make this decision to serve our Heavenly Father, you are ridiculed by your friends and family...if not completely shunned. You are held to a higher standard by those who HAVE no standards and then mocked when you stumble. AND we as believers are losing our rights as American citizens at an alarming rate. We can not voice our opinions about anything "controversial" without being branded as bigots, we can not bring our faith to public functions or to our government. And we are told over and over that we use our faith as a crutch.

You're darn right I use my faith as a crutch!! I am a crippled mess without my Lord. If he is willing to help me make it through this insane, unfair, uncontrollable life I FOR SURE am going to lean on him!!

We have a lot to do in the next few months, a lot of hurdles to jump and a lot of obstacles to overcome. We are once again being thrust into a situation we did not expect at a time which is not of our choosing. And we CAN NOT and WILL NOT get through this without God to lean on.

And sometimes, probably more times than we care to think about, he is going to carry us, and I am not a bit ashamed to admit it.

God Bless the Texans not born in Texas...

2011-02-07T09:02:00.000-08:00

I love quotes. I hunt them down and save them to post on my Facebook page...or to use in those handmade cards I may one day get to make. As I was hunting this morning I came across a poem that made me a little melancholy.

Texas Child

Blessed is the child who is Texas Born,
Where the wind blows free
And the sun shines warm;
Where children grow up to be honest and true,
To believe in themselves and in what they can do.

Dew sprinkled mornings, star-studded nights,
Fields strewn with wild flowers, big-city lights,
Sand-dollar beaches, and Hill Country streams,
Wild western vistas as wide as your dreams.
It's all a part of the state you call home,
and a part of your heart, wherever you roam.

Tall tales 'round the campfire,
or on grandma's knee,
Rich with legends and heroes, a proud history.
So dear Texas child, just revel in glory -
Someday you'll write your own Texas story!

Don't get me wrong, I love living in Colorado. I love the mountains, and the snow, and the clear mountain rivers and the crystal blue sky, and the clean mountain air...and did you know that when the sun sets you really can see fire in the sky?!?!

But...I love the state where I was born as well. I love the beach, I love the history, I love the massive ancient oak trees, pecan trees, redbud trees and mimosa trees, I love the hill country, I love San Antonio,I love church suppers, I love that the grass just grows on it's own, I love cowboys, I love bluebonnets, I love the Texas Flag, I LOVE THE FOOD, I love that Texas was it's own country, I love lightening bugs, I love Texas pride and I love that GENERATIONS of my mother's family were born and raised there.

And I SERIOUSLY miss the welcoming spirit of Texas. I love you Colorado, and all who dwell therein...but you people have a lot to learn about hospitality and making people feel welcome!

As I read this poem this morning I almost cried when I realized that my grandson will be the first in MY line...in GENERATIONS... who will not be born on Texas soil...and this really, really scared me. I mean, my children were not raised in Texas, we came to Colorado when they were very young...but they ARE Texans. They may not remember all of the traditions, history,and quirks of being from Texas...but they ARE Texans.

My eldest has more Texas warmth and wide open spirit in her smile than a Texas sunrise. If raised in a different era she would have been the epitome of a true Southern Bell. My middle child is a Texas beauty born and bred just like her Great- Grandmother, Mary Evelyn Ward Phillips. Tall and thin, with a megawatt smile, don't you let her fool ya' ...cause she's got a kick like a mule! She will put you in your place faster than you can say, "Remember the Alamo!". She gets THAT from her grandmother. Her Yankee boyfriend better watch out! And my youngest...well that boy makes a Texas Mama proud. He embodies the hospitality, warmth,brains, compassion, ingenuity and kind spirit of the generations of Texas men who came before him, be they ranchers, farmers, rough necks,welders, telegraph operators or engineers in the oil industry. And man o' man does he loves his Mama! And that is the mark of a TRUE Texan...they DO love their Mamas!

So yeah, I'm a little concerned for my grandson! I guess in my list of things I pray for him every day I am just going to have to pray that God draw all of the generations of his Texas blood right to the surface. I will pray that he is hardworking, compassionate, inventive, hospitable and loving.....

Oh...WAIT!! Those are already on the "Attributes of a Godly Man" list I pray for him!! Well HECK...then I don't have anything to worry about now do I! ;)

Defrag me, O Lord, and plant me by the living waters...

2011-02-02T17:44:00.000-08:00

If we are friends on FB, you might be able to tell from the exorbitant....exceeding the customary or appropriate limits in intensity, quality, amount, or size...amount of time I have been spending on FB the last couple of days that I am not focusing very well. I wake up with good intentions and before I can even get out of bed I am done...just done.

I could blame the EXTREMELY cold temperatures...because -16 is MORE than cold enough to make your blood a little sluggish. And MAYBE fasting from sugar isn't helping....but this has been going on for a long time now. I do better on weekends, when my family is all here. We work well as a group and for some reason having my better half near me motivates me in some way, even though he never says a word to me about my lack of...of...self control...energy...discipline?

Anyway...I CAN NOT go on this way anymore! THERE IS A BABY COMING!!! A BABY WHO NEEDS TO HAVE A BIGGER ROOM TO SHARE WITH HIS MOMMY!! A BABY WHO NEEDS THINGS SEWN! A BABY WHO NEEDS A CLEANER HOUSE SO THAT PEOPLE CAN COME VISIT HIM!! A BABY WHO NEEDS A GRAMMY TO HELP OUT WHEN HIS MOMMY IS AT WORK!! A BABY WHO NEEDS HIS GRAMMY TO BE ORGANIZED ENOUGH TO PLANT HER GARDEN MERE WEEKS AFTER HE GETS HERE!!.....

And there are a three pretty much adult children and one amazing man who need their wife/mother too.Not as much as they used to...and for different reasons...and maybe not as much as she needs them...but yeah...they need her.

So, when I was reading one of the four devotionals I kind of rotate through during the week, I came across this in one called, "Our Daily Bread". This part really spoke to me. Actually, it is how I feel in a nutshell.

Like my computer, my life gets fragmented. One situation tugs on my emotions while I’m trying to concentrate on something else. Demands from every direction bombard me. I want to accomplish everything that needs to be done, but my mind won’t stop and my body won’t start. Soon I begin to feel weary and useless.

Recently I attended a retreat where one of the handouts included a prayer with words that expressed how I felt: “Lord, I am scattered, restless, and only half here.”

King David also went through such times (Ps. 55:2). In prayer, David presented his needs to God morning, noon, and evening, confident that he would be heard (v.17).

Prayer can help to defragment our lives. When we cast our cares on the Lord, He will show us what we need to do and what only He can do. —Julie Ackerman

Yesterday I was led to this scripture....

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who draws strength from mere flesh
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
...... they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
~Jeremiah 17:5-8

Yet another reminder that I MUST turn to him...and to no other.

I pray,I read the word and I journal daily. And just when it feels like things are starting to "come together", when my shoulders don't feel quite so tight.... I find out something I didn't want to know, I reach out my hand only to have it bitten off, someone lies to me or plays the manipulation game, I zig when I shoulda zagged....

And so I sit.

Tomorrow I will try again. I will do what I did this morning and start praying as soon as I am awake enough to form the prayers in my head. I will read the word. I will journal and even blog if so led. And I will pick one project and ask the Lord to grant me enough focus to finish that ONE job.

And then I will do it all over again the next day.

Things to do before the Wee One gets here....

2011-01-27T18:05:00.000-08:00

Clean craft area to make room for stuff stored in middle child's new room in basement

Clean out middle child's new room in basement

Take out one of the closets in middle child's new room

Patch wall and prep middle child's new room for paint

Paint middle child's new room

Lay carpet in middle child's new room

Move middle child into her new room

Clean carpet in oldest child's new room

Prep oldest child's new room for paint

Paint oldest child's new room

Hang curtains in oldest child's new room

Move oldest child's into her new room

Put up crib in oldest child's new room

Paint small dresser for the Wee One

Make bedding for Wee One's Moses basket

Make assorted "other things" for Wee One

Co-host two showers for oldest child and the Wee One

Bake obnoxious amounts of goodies for showers

Celebrate Valentine's Day

Make sure and tell my brother Happy Birthday

Make sure and tell my neice Happy Birthday

Celebrate my son's 17th birthday

Make sure and celebrate Mom's 65 birthday...somehow :}
Celebrate our 25th anniversary and tell best friend Happy Birthday

Remember to read the word/pray,eat,sleep,
tell my family I love them....and breath....daily.

All...within 62 days...and only 9 weekends.

Give me strength O Lord!

"Me Time", "Miller Time" or "Lap Time"?

2011-01-25T07:41:00.000-08:00

http://www.crosswalk.com/11644566/page0/

I have suffered from stress issues since I was a small child. The doctors think I had an ulcer in the first grade, in middle school I was convinced that I had immaculately conceived because I felt like I was going to throw up EVER MORNING before school, I have suffered from migraines since I was a teenager,I have TMJ and I suffer from various other IBS symptoms.It is something I deal with on a daily basis.

Just recently I discovered "lap time" with my Heavenly Father. It is not something I was specifically taught. It was a discovery born out of desperation. Some days I only need a few minutes of my fathers time ...some days I need several hours. It is the only way I have made it through the last few months without imploding. I wish that my parents had been given this information when they were children so that they could pass it down to my brothers and I...so that I would have had it when my own children were small

I am sure that all of these things are why I feel led to share this article in as many ways possible. You may not need this information and if you do not "PRAISE GOD!!"...but you might know someone who does. OR...if "lap time" is something you already practice on your own...you may not have considered how to deal with your CHILD'S stress...or that they even HAVE stress!

BTW...my mom will be reading this...and she understands that I in no way hold her responsible for MY stress issues. We have discussed, at length, how as believers, each generation grows and gains more tools to pass on to the next generation. My grandmother had very few as she was saved in her mid forties but with each generation since...we grow stronger and stronger.

So anyway...read the article contained in the link at the top of this page...practice the points with your children, or if you do not have children yet... practice them yourself so that you will be able to pass then down to the next generation of believers in your family!

Feeding My Spirit So That I Don't Suck Yours Dry

2011-01-21T11:33:00.000-08:00

As I was reading last night I came across this....

Then I said to you, “Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the wilderness. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.” Deuteronomy 1:29-31...I love Deuteronomy BTW!!

Then there was the Spurgeon devotional I read this morning....

"He was sore athirst, and called on the Lord, and said, thou hast given this great deliverance into the hand of thy servant: and now shall I die for thirst?" - Judges 15:18

Samson slays a thousand Philistines, and piles them up in heaps, and then faints for a little water! Jacob wrestles with God at Peniel, and overcomes Omnipotence itself, and then goes "halting on his thigh!" Strange that there must be a shrinking of the sinew whenever we win the day. As if the Lord must teach us our littleness, our nothingness, in order to keep us within bounds. Samson boasted right loudly when he said, "I have slain a thousand men." His boastful throat soon grew hoarse with thirst, and he betook himself to prayer. God has many ways of humbling his people. Dear child of God, if after great mercy you are laid very low, your case is not an unusual one. When David had mounted the throne of Israel, he said, "I am this day weak, though anointed king." You must expect to feel weakest when you are enjoying your greatest triumph. If God has wrought for you great deliverances in the past, your present difficulty is only like Samson's thirst, and the Lord will not let you faint, nor suffer the daughter of the uncircumcised to triumph over you. The road of sorrow is the road to heaven, but there are wells of refreshing water all along the route. So, tried brother, cheer your heart with Samson's words, and rest assured that God will deliver you ere long.

And on a slightly different note but just as encouraging...something else I read today....

This is what the LORD says to me: “I will remain quiet and will look on from my dwelling place,like shimmering heat in the sunshine, like a cloud of dew in the heat of harvest.” Isaiah 18:4

Is not this a marvelous conception of God--being still and watching? His stillness is not acquiescence. His silence is not consent. He is only biding His time, and will arise, in the most opportune moment, and when the designs of the wicked seem on the point of success, to overwhelm them with disaster. As we look out on the evil of the world; as we think of the apparent success of wrong-doing; as we wince beneath the oppression of those that hate us, let us remember these marvelous words about God being still and beholding.

In case you are wondering if I do anything OTHER than read...and blog...yes I do. I TRY to set aside time in the morning for reading the word,a couple of different devotionals,journaling and blogging though. I consider it a form of ongoing education and maintence of my mental health and spiritual growth. It is also my way of protecting my friends and family...so that I don't suck the life out of them. ;)

Fear

2011-01-20T09:26:00.000-08:00

I am having a lot of fear today. It has been building since yesterday afternoon. Fear of the unknown. Fear for the future. Fear of loss.

I am not getting answers to the questions I am asking. Answers that I need to make decisions. Lack of information means that I can not formulate a plan...and this causes me fear. This fear then renders me unable to do the things I need to do. So I literally become "paralyzed" by fear.

I WANT to move ahead. I have a million things I need to be doing...but everything has come to a screeching halt because I do not know how to move ahead...or if I even need to move ahead on certain things.

This fear also causes me to move backward...it brings up the past and things I thought I had laid to rest come alive again.

I understand where the fear is coming from. I understand that God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. This morning I have prayed about it, I have journaled about it and I will spend some time searching the word. The only other thing I now to do, since there is no physical course of action to take in this particular matter...and things REALLY are out of my control, is to ask OTHERS for prayer.

So if you have a moment, please pray for me. In whatever way you see fit. And if you have any favorite "fear" scriptures...send them my way!

I will search for the one my heart loves. SOS 3:2

2011-01-19T09:57:00.000-08:00

With thine whole heart seek him, and he will be found of thee: only give thyself thoroughly up to the search, and verily, thou shalt yet discover him to thy joy and gladness. ~ Charles Spurgeon

Today I will begin a new journey. I pray that a shaky 21 day fast from FB and Coke, and a very feeble attempt at reading through the Bible in 90 days(although my spouse has done wonderfully in both matters) has laid some groundwork for the somewhat longer journey I now embark upon,and that by the grace of God and through his power I will see it through to it's completion.

Three weigh on my heart heart. One leaving, one yet to arrive, one ever present. It is my hope that in my attempt to honor what I feel the Lord is calling me to, I will find not the answers my flesh desires but that I will come to a deeper understanding of the one my heart loves.

To deny one's flesh is a notion long forgotten by our society...and is a form of sacrifice. To love is to sacrifice. I will search for the one my heart loves through sacrifice. My sacrifice is unworthy of the three who weigh on my heart...but it is all I have.

From my journal....

This day, O' Lord, I come before you and offer up my meager sacrifice. I pray that you take it and that it is pleasing to you. I pray that as I embark upon this search for the one I love you will prepare the way for those of this world whom you have laid upon my heart. Make their path smooth and do not let them stumble. Build up their physical bodies and strengthen their hearts. Hold them in the palm of your hand as they are fully formed and pass from one phase of life to another. Allow them to know you in a way born only of the Holy Spirit and fill them with the knowledge that they are loved.

Big Mama is watching

2011-01-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

Being a mom is hard and hard to shut off.

I mom my own, my siblings children and all that come into our home. If you happened to wander in to my home or anywhere within ten feet of me...you are being mommed whether you realize it or not. There may be no physical evidence of it...but it is happening. I am appraising your condition, physical,emotional and spiritual, and there are times when it takes everything within me to keep from hugging you, touching your arm, holding your hand...or picking up a child I do not know because they are crying. I was having lunch in a fast food restaurant with my husband the other day and a woman asked one of the people working there if she could hold her baby while she went into the restroom to change her toddler. I almost jumped out of my seat and said, "I'll do it!". But I restrained myself.

I considered nursing but I do not do bodily fluids. I considered teaching but something inside me knew that I would not be able to separate the teaching from the momming. The children whom I babysat and watched in the many nurseries I worked in are now adults and having their own children and yet they still hold a place in my heart. And if we are friends on facebook...I am watching you. ;) I can not watch infomercials about children in Africa because they make me cry, I can not have foster children because I remember, to this day, what it felt like to hold my last foster sister on the day they came and took her away to live with her aunt, I can not be a missionary because the thing that keeps you from having everyone live in your home does not exist in me, and this past summer I had to quit watching the news. And, if at all possible, I do not go to the mall or any other large gathering places because if I sit in a food court, or stand in line for too long...I will have to fight back the tears. We live in a lost and dying world, full of hurting and deceived people and this thought is overwhelming to me at times.

So I shut myself off from others...because it is easier, safer and less embarrassing for everyone this way...and the only ones who suffer from my momming are the ones unfortunate enough to stumble through our front door.

Consequently my children believe I do not want them to grow up, that I want to control their lives. I hate to tell them this,but that assumption could not be farther from the truth. What I want for them is this... a strong relationship with their Heavenly Father, an undying love for their family, financial security if at all possible... and that they find someone who treats them as wonderfully as their father treats me,that because of the actions of their future spouse they will not doubt that they are loved by the one they love, that they are treated like the treasures that they are, that the mere touch of their beloved is enough to pull the tension out of their world weary bodies, that the yin to their yang makes them laugh out loud every day, that they know that the father/mother of their children would be just as willing to take a bullet for them as they would be to make them peanut butter sandwiches every day of their high school career,that their other half prays for them on a daily basis,lifting them up to their Father when they are unable to do so themselves...and that their future spouses will be honorable, righteous, hardworking and able to show their love in ways apparent.

The need to love, to protect,problem-solve, to serve, to empathize was programed into my hard-drive from the the moment I was created. I am now who I have been for as long as I can remember. Some edges are smoother, some are more dangerous. I will continue to evolve as a believer, as a parent and as a wife. But I have always been and will always be just me. A mom. I mommed by dolls, my pets, my brothers, my foster siblings, all of the babies in all of the church nurseries and mother's day outs I ever worked in, and my parents... even before I was blessed with my own to mom. I WILL mom my grandchildren but I will do so as my mother has mommed my children, with a respect for my own abilities and decisions. And I will stand back and bite my tongue and cross my arms if need be...until someone makes a move to hurt them or their grown parents.

So,now that you know that you are being mommed every time you are near me,that your physical appearance is being assessed and your emotional and spiritual well being are being scanned...pray that I might use my powers for good. And if I grab your hand or arm, or touch your face, or hug you out of the blue....don't be afraid...it is just the mom in me.

Beauty and the Marine

2011-01-17T14:55:00.000-08:00

I have taken THOUSANDS of photographs over the years...but this is one of my favorites. We attended the wedding of the subjects of this photograph yesterday. It was the joining of a young Marine to his beautiful bride in the simplest of ceremonies.

We have known the young man for close to five years now. At the time of our meeting he was a funny, energetic, smart-mouthed, barista at the coffee shop where I too was employed. I soon realized that he knew our eldest from high school and thus the connection grew stronger. He never failed to make me smile with his talk of music, film school and his youthful take on the world....or cringe at his youthful shenanigans!

During this same time our eldest had come to know his future bride. They sang together in choir and we heard her name often in our home.

And then, one day, as we celebrated the high school graduation of our eldest, these two....this head turning beauty and this future Marine...renewed an acquaintance recently made.

From then until now, in our home at least, their names were spoken as one.

Some time has past since then. My fellow barista went to school for a while, then joined the Marines, and as it so often happens, time and circumstances made it harder and harder for us to connect.

But whether it is known to this young couple or not, they have never been far from our thoughts or our hearts. And we must have remained in their hearts and minds as well because in the middle of the hub and bub of the holidays we received a beautiful, elegant invitation to their wedding.

And so Sunday, January 16th, we were honored to witness the union of one of our favorite young men and his sweet bride, in one of the nicest, purest ceremonies I have ever been to.

The setting was a new event center nestled in the foothills of the Rockies and located not fifteen minutes from our home. As we entered the hall we signed the mat surrounding a photograph of the young couple. As a family we commented on how much more practical this was. A photograph, surrounded by the signatures of those who attended your wedding, framed, and placed on a wall will bring MUCH more enjoyment than a guest book stuck in a box somewhere.

We seated ourselves facing a large fireplace. Behind us was a lovely courtyard which contained a waterfall surrounded by snow. After the parents had seated themselves our young Marine took his place beside the pastor...and I burst into tears! It was the first time I had seen the young friend who had stolen part of my heart so long ago,in his dress uniform... and the sight of him standing there, so straight and proud, combined with my memories of a teenager making his way toward manhood, unleashed a flood of tears I hadn't expected.

Next came the groomsmen in the their tuxes and red Converse, a few cherubs attending to their flower petal and ring duties, bridesmaids in their red strapless dresses carrying yellow Gerbera daisies tied with red and yellow ribbons...and as the father of the bride placed himself at the bottom of a winding stair case...the blond,fair skinned beauty descended the stairs in her strapless gown...as her own athletic shoes peaked from beneath her dress.

The scripture chosen for the ceremony was from Ephesians...Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior...and the pastor elaborated on these scriptures, gently guiding us to understand the selfless nature of each point held within.

The vows,written by the couple,were direct, to the point, yet full of the type of pledges all young couples should speak to one another as they begin their lives together. Love, laughter and support through good and bad. Foundations on which to build a long and lasting marriage. These vows were followed by the exchange of rings,his wrought by his own hand, then the kiss, and a final prayer of blessing.

Our one regret was that we had to leave before the newly wedded couple returned from having their pictures taken. I pray the note, hastily written on a cocktail napkin with borrowed pen and entrusted to another wedding guest, made it to our friends. It was a poor substitute for the hugs and love we had wished to bestow upon them. But know this Brandon and Kendra,we do love you, and pray God bless you in unimaginable ways as you move forward in this grand adventure we call marriage!

It so happens that our hasty exit was prompted by our need to make our way to another party. This one a going away party for another young friend who will also become a Marine very shortly. Pizza and chocolate cake seem such a meager offering for one willing to offer the next few years of his life in service of his country. I ask God's protection over one willing to serve...and that this future Marine understand that he takes with him our love and gratitude as well as our prayers.

We have lived a lot of life in this first 17 days of 2011. I have celebrated a couple of birthdays, witnessed the joining of a Marine to his beauty fair,held a newborn baby in my arms, felt the love of our friends and a little of the pain a mother must feel as she prepares to send her son off to serve his country. All of this as we prepare to welcome the first of a new generation.

And yet...in the 72 days between today and the expected date of our grandson's arrival...there will be even MORE life to live. More celebrations....ones of days dedicated solely to love, of birthdays spanning three generations, of marriages lasting more than two decades...and celebrations of the new life we so long to meet.

May we all remember to give thanks to the one who makes these reasons to celebrate possible.

Of dreams realized

2011-01-16T10:29:00.000-08:00

I don't know why they keep coming back.

The people that is.

We had twenty-six people in our home last night. They were here to help us celebrate the fact that Jeff and I have made it to the advanced ages of 44 and 45. The food was Italian, the age range was from one month to early fifties, the dessert was lemon petifores and chocolate amaretto cheesecake and the boys nudged out the girls by two. The theme....family.

The theme here is always family! We had a few newbies last night.... the parents of our youngest daughter's suitor,the dear friend our oldest daughter, and of course the baby. One of my favorite parts of the evening was explaining how everyone was connected. How this young adult belongs to this parent, how this young man was attached to that young woman,how almost all that were once single have now married and miraculously their spouses have not run in horror at the chaos of our "family" dinners, how this woman represented by the picture on our fridge is my oldest and dearest friend and how she has all of the rights afforded to an aunt born of my own blood by virtue of the longevity of her presence in my life, how this young man in this pic had once been the youngest member of our original group, and how this beautiful couple in this pic were were the kids of the very proud mama with an album full of pictures of New Zealand on her I-Phone...and how none of this would have ever gotten started if it weren't for the small group of young people who began meeting in our home five or so years ago.

Things have changed quite a bit over the years. It used to be that my wonderful husband and I cooked almost everything and our young friends brought ice, or bread, or premade food stuffs in plastic packages. Now our "boys" are married and the newlyweds bring actual FOOD, and much of the dishes WE provide are cooked by our youngest. Which leaves me with more time to obsessive over OTHER details like having a place for our new mommy to go when she needs a quiet place for the newest member of our group.

Back to my original statement....

I don't know why they keep coming back. Our home is awkwardly laid out... to say the least. Our kitchen has NO counter space. The "public" dwelling areas are MUCH too small and we end up sitting on top of each other or inching around each other as we move from room to room. Everyone is always so busy talking we never have a chance to play a game or join in any OTHER kind of group activity other than a opening prayer... which last night was a prayer for the food, the birthday couple, our young man joining the Marines on the 24th and a request for a blessing for all in attendance. Also... then there is always some frazzled, crazy lady running around wringing her hands because she is so worried that she has forgotten something.... and most likely she has!

And yet...they keep coming back?!?!

Next time we meet like this, probably some time early next summer, we will be blessed with yet ANOTHER addition to our crazy group. I think I need to sit down with the engineers and contractors in our group and have a serious discussion as to how we can enlarge our home to accommodate the expanding numbers of our group...because by marriage,birth or rents returning to the roost...they are coming!

I used to dream of having a huge family that all came together during the holidays and for birthdays. You know...the one where the brothers and sisters were adults, and the ones who had married into the family were just as close and as special as the biological kids, and the aunts and uncles would be there,and everyone talked about life, babies, movies, music, books...and God, and there were kids tucked away somewhere in another room playing a board game, and the babies were passed from one member of the family to another as everyone cooed and made faces at them...and then they were jiggled and rocked until they fell asleep amidst the cacophony of voices and laughter of their family.

And then I woke up one sunny January morning with a slight party "hangover" that had nothing to do with alcohol and everything to do with the intoxicating time spent with the ones I love....and realized that I had someone received the family I had always dreamed of. A beautiful family, handcrafted by my Lord who understands all of my dreams and desires, my Father who knew,long before I was born, that the members of my family needed to be handpicked. That they needed to be readers,movie goers and music lovers, that they needed to love our Father to understand my heart, that they needed to challenge me to put myself out there or read a work of non-fiction, that they needed to enjoy food, that they would need to be patient and be able to process all of the words tumbling out of my mouth in a quick fashion, that they would see me in my panic of wanting everything to be perfect at the beginning of one of our family dinners and remind me to breath...that people came to our home because they love us...and that I would need lots of encouragement, love, prayers and a big circle of arms, representing the arms of our Father,to make my way through this big, scary,crazy world!

Ophiuchus, Birthdays and Turf Toe

2011-01-14T10:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my 44th birthday.

I'm not real hung up on my age. Some days I feel like I am 19 again. Some days I feel like I am about 99. Most of the time I'm not even aware of my age unless one of my lovely children mentions it. And then I just laugh to myself because I know that one day they will receive their comeuppance!

Age means nothing when you are married to someone who makes you laugh every day...which I am. Yesterday my goofy husband took a REALLY HORRIBLE birthday and turned it upside down. He came home from work early. Took me to Chick-Fil-A and the feed store (Yes, it is the little things in life that make me happy!) and accompanied me to my podiatrist office. You see, I fell down a few stairs the other night and managed to give myself "turf toe". Basically I damaged the soft tissue at the base of my big toe and will have to tape my toe and wear a BEAUTIFUL "moon shoe" for three weeks. LOVELY HUH!?! And for those keeping track...NO...it was not the LEFT ankle I broke and have been dealing with for years. It was the RIGHT foot that I had surgery on December a year ago. ;)

My age seems to be weighing more on me this year because we have a grandson on the way...but I am aware of the fact that the only things keeping me from being a cool hip Grammy is my weight and my white hair. Both of which I will be working on this year. The Washington branch of my WONDERFUL family sent me a Wee Fit for my birthday because they knew I wanted one, and once I get the all clear from my doc I will be yelling wee wee wee all the way to a smaller pair of jeans!

Anyway...the point is this. I don't CARE if I am 44. My husband, my sister-in-law and my best friend will always be older than I am!! :) And my heart is young...most days,and on the days it is not...I always have the love of my life to make me laugh.

Yesterday I started to read an interesting article about how the constellations have shifted so you may not be the astrological sign you thought you were. This morning my son brought it up again so I went online and looked at some more articles.

First...this is old news. As a matter of fact is like 2,000 year old news! Which from a SPIRITUAL standpoint I find very interesting.

Second...I am not the least bit surprised. The boy and I had learned about this shift on an episode of Stargate SG1 a while back. Something to do with not being able to reach certain stargates because of the shift...

Third...If you believe that the stars have any control over your life you've got more things to worry about than having a new SIGN!

I MUST admit though,it is a little weird to have spent my whole life as a Capricorn to wake up on the DAY of my 44th birthday and find out that I am a SAGITTARIUS!

Oh well, given the theme of my life right now...which would be CHANGE...it is almost fitting. So, I'm just gonna roll with it. At least I'm not an Ophiuchus!

Here's the new line up if you are interested.

Capricorn: Jan. 20 - Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 - March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18- May 13
Taurus: May 13- June 21
Gemini: June 21- July 20
Cancer: July 20- Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16- Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29
Ophiuchus:* Nov. 29- Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan. 20
*Discarded by Babylonians B.C. because wanted 12 signs per year, not 13 even though there were 13 constellations

Gotta run! I need to get busy because we are having friends over for dinner tomorrow night. It is a combined celebration for my birthday and the birthday of my husband...who, by the way...gets to remain a Capricorn!

Overcoming Brain Pain and Clumsiness With the Power of the Internet

2011-01-11T17:36:00.000-08:00

A three day migraine. A small fall down the stairs in the middle of the night. A request from the podiatrist office that I stay off of my feet for a couple of days until we can decide if I have indeed "done damage" to myself.

I do not have time for this! My house is a WRECK, I have company coming for dinner on Saturday, a wedding and a going away party on Sunday...and in case you haven't noticed my ticker over there on the right hand side of your screen...there is a baby coming to live in this house in about 78 days!!

So, in an attempt to get SOMETHING done... headache and injured foot be damned...today became somewhat of a "baby" day.

While my younger children tried to make sure I was fed and attended to, I sat in a semi-dark room and checked out some baby websites, worked on an invitation list, found a free pattern to make a cover for the Moses basket Bubbie got the Wee One for Christmas, and looked into recommended books and toys for babies on grandparents.com.

Then, after my first born and I managed to pound out a final invitation list and got her registered online, I drug myself out to Starbucks to visit with a few friends so that we could make some plans for the Wee One's baby shower.

ONLY for my first born grandchild would I venture out on this brilliantly bright, 11 degree, January day. Do you KNOW how much pain the sun, reflecting off a yard full of snow, can cause to an already addled brain!?!?

I made it through another day though...thanks to three great kids, a few devoted friends and the POW OW ER ER ER OF OF OF THE EE EE IN TER ER ER NE E ET ET!

Growth

2011-01-07T07:18:00.000-08:00

Oh, that we might always catch the vision of an abundant harvest, when the great Master Plowman comes, as He often does, and furrows through our very souls, uprooting and turning under that which we thought most fair, and leaving for our tortured gaze only the bare and the unbeautiful.
~Selected

Why should I start at the plough of my Lord, that maketh the deep furrows on my soul? I know He is no idle husbandman, He purposeth a crop.
~Samuel Rutherford

We are not born all at once, but by bits. The body first, and the spirit later; and the birth and growth of the spirit, in those who are attentive to their own inner life, are slow and exceedingly painful. Our mothers are racked with the pains of our physical birth; we ourselves suffer the longer pains of our spiritual growth.
~Mary Antin

Growth is the only evidence of life.
~John Henry Newman

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.
~Richard Bach

Learn wisdom from the ways of a seedling. A seedling which is never hardened off through stressful situations will never become a strong productive plant.
~Stephen Sigmund

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
~Anatole France

The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.
~G. K. Chesterton

Eleven and a half years

2011-01-06T12:18:00.000-08:00

I have begun to think that I do not understand the difference between joy, peace and happiness.

So, I decided to look up the definitions.

Might I just say right now...I would give ANYTHING for a good old Noah Websters Dictionary!

"It is reported that Noah Webster’s 1828 American Dictionary contains the greatest number of Biblical definitions given in any reference volume. Webster considered "education useless without the Bible". "

For you see, that is what I am looking for, definitions to these things which elude me, based on the Word of God. Oh...I looked them up, but online dictionaries are just as watered down and convoluted as everything else now. No wonder no one can find true peace. No one knows what the heck it means anymore!

What happened to absolutes? Can someone please tell me? What happened to right and wrong and black and white and good and bad...and when did all of the gray move into the very definition of the words to the things which are most important in our lives? Joy, peace, happiness, morality, right, wrong, good, bad....family.

We have lived here, in our little town, in the same house,for eleven and a half years now. We moved a LOT before we came here. From the time of my birth I had never lived in one house for more than 21 months before coming here when I was 32.

During the eleven and a half years that we have lived here I have always said that this is the only place where I have ever had peace in my life.

Then, this morning, while sitting in the bottom of the shower stall, crying and pondering the state of my life at this time, I realized that I have been confusing STABILITY...and occasional HAPPINESS...with peace.

Because when I am totally honest with myself. We have not had very much "peace" in the eleven and a half years we have lived here. We were blessed to find this house, we moved in and fixed it up, we immediately joined a church....and after a little more than a year we realized that the whole time we had been there some one had been spreading rumors and telling lies about our family and after being hauled in before the elders and being questioned and yelled at for more than an hour, we eventually lost all of our close friends and our church family.

SO, I promptly said I would never go back to church, because churches are made up of people, and they are idiots.

This lasted maybe a month before I realized that I wanted my children in a place where they could hear the word and be in fellowship because there is NOTHING like a corporate anointing. You know that anointing of the Holy Spirit that falls when His people join together in praise and worship of Him and the word is broken and people are working together for the good of their Lord?!?! There is just nothing like it. It is not better than individual time spent with the Lord....it is just DIFFERENT...and needed!

So, we found another church. And it was good for a while. And I thought I had found peace...and happiness...and joy...even though it took me over a year to be able to go to church without getting sick...because PEOPLE go to church. And I had had just about enough of PEOPLE.

ANYWAY...things were good for a while. And I THINK there may have been a little peace in my life. There WAS happiness...and a fair amount of joy.

And then...everything changed. Our nice little world turned upside down. For various reasons. Leadership at churches change, family moves away, the little bit of financial security you thought you had dries up,your body turns on you, and the enemy you have worked so hard to protect your children from gains a foothold in an area you thought you had protected...and four and a half years later you realize that you do not remember the last time you truly felt peace in your life....or joy...although there is some occasional happiness.

SO...What do you do when you wake up one morning and realize that the "peace" you thought you had been feeling for 11 and a half years was really only "stability"...with a few happy times...and a little joy thrown in for good measure?

Truth: Real peace only comes when you are in a viable relationship with our Heavenly Father. This is truth.

Truth: The circumstances you find yourself in do not bring you peace. They can bring you happiness...and a fair amount of joy...but not peace. This is truth.

Fact: I am in a viable relationship with my Heavenly Father. It grows and changes every year and at times every day. I have learned that he is my only refuge in times of turmoil.

So...where is my peace?

And...what do I do with the knowledge that I have stood so firmly in one place for so long because I THOUGHT what I was feeling was PEACE...when it was actually STABILITY I had found?

Is this the place for me..for us? In truth, the only thing holding US here are a job, a mortgage and a grandson on the way. And the only thing holding ME here are the man with the job and the mortgage, the children he has given me and a grandson on the way.

BUT...what if...these things are anchors created by my father to hold me in place so that I couldn't run away when I finally realized that a house or a church or life in a small town had not actually brought me peace?

AND...Maybe...these anchors are the things that continue to hold me fast when my heart is torn asunder by the choices made by one most precious to me...and the knowledge that if this precious one continues down the path they travel now...I may actually lose part of these earthly anchors.

The gypsy ways of my youth call to me daily. The need to run and hide from all that is going on around me is ever present. Everyone thinks I am firmly planted here with my crafts and my garden and my chickens. They only see the mom, the cookie baker, the wanna be Martha Stewart, the responsible one...the fixer. When in actuality I fight the longing to run on an almost daily basis. The only thing that has held me into place thus far is an indescribable love for one man and for the children he has given me and the desire that my children would not have to move once a year when they reached middle school.

It took me eleven and a half years for me to realize that my peace does not reside in this house or this town. I guess that was just long enough for God to anchor me, good and fast, so that when he was ready to continue his work in me I couldn't run away.

Maybe my journey is not one measured by how many miles I can run, but by the number of times I DON'T run.

And maybe...now that I understand what peace ISN'T...I might actually find it.

Flying Monkeys, Chris Farley and Playing Possum

2011-01-04T10:57:00.000-08:00

In this world, those who seek the truth will also find trouble.
~ Gary Amirault

In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
~ George Orwell

Candor is a double-edged sword; it may heal or it may separate.
~ Wilhelm Stekel

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
~ Jim Davis

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The search for righteousness is a rocky path. Once you set out to follow it, you encounter "road blocks".

As I begin to set forth this analogy clips of "The Wizard of Oz" flicker through my mind. If Oz is truth/righteousness and the yellow brick road is the path which leads us there....then the Wicked Witch is the Enemy and the flying monkeys, the trees pelting us with apples and the field of poison poppies are all of the things which the Enemy sets in our path to prevent us from reaching our goal.

And no...Oz is not Heaven and the Wizard is not God. Although I DO believe that a heart, a brain, courage and a home or the things found upon attaining righteousness.

Sorry people, these kinds of things are what you might encounter when reading the blog of a woman-child raised on pop culture.... and who, by the way, read EVERY Oz book ever written.

Now from the ridiculous to the sublime....

All of this began two days ago when I wrote my first blog of the new year.

I poked my head out of my hole and called attention to myself instead of hiding in the shadows. And then when the enemy attacked in the form of a killer headache, the interruption of my best laid plans, a look at our financial situation and some unwelcome news...I had to decide if I would indeed heed my own advice or play possum.

I tried to play possum.

BUT when the attack continued today...I tried some Sweet Ninja Skills. ALTHOUGH...my ninja skills look more like Chris Farley in "Beverly Hills Ninja than Michael Dudikoff in "American Ninja".

Anyway,I went to my favorite daily devotional by Charles Spurgeon, which I confess I haven't done in several weeks, and I started by reading the chapter surrounding the scripture reference, 2 Peter 3:18.

Grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Backing up a couple of beats....Just the reading of that one scripture at the opening of the devotional made me what to quit right there. "Growing" always involves GROWING PAINS...and that is the last thing I want to think about today. No pain, no growing, now striving or seeking!! I wanted the nice, soothing reassuring scriptures. 2 Peter 3 is all about last days and people following their own evil desires and things are going to be destroyed by fire and how because of these things we must live holy, godly and spotless lives!!!

AARRRGGG!!!!

So, on to the devotional itself...

I'm reading, reading, reading....hard words, Victorian language....and then...like a neon sign....

"HE WHO GROWS NOT IN THE KNOWLEDGE OF JESUS, REFUSES TO BE BLESSED"

Is is too late to go back to playing possum.

This is the prayer I wrote based upon this devotional....

Allow me to grow in grace, O Lord. Grow my faith and let it increase in fullness, constancy and simplicity. Free me to grow also in love. I ask that you extend it, make it more intense, more practical and that it influence my every thought, word and deed. Show me more of my own nothingness so that I might grow likewise in humility. Allow me to grow upwards toward you in prayer and grant me a more intimate relationship with your son. May I, through the power of the Holy Spirit, grow in the knowledge of my Lord and Savior. Grow me up the knowledge of your son that I might be blessed.

Sooo....there you have it. Cheryl Pyle, attempting to use her Sweet Ninja Skills, Chris Farley style.

Right before I started writing this, I read an email from our good friend Mark M. He is sending out a daily email as we go through our 21 day fast/90 read through the bible. In today's email Mark provided some some scripture and encouraging words I thought useful and on topic....and I decided to pass it along.

"Luke 10:19 says “Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.”

Spiritually speaking, life is a battlefield. Most of the battles that we fight are not “of the flesh”, meaning they don’t have to do with things in the natural, but instead, they are spiritual battles. (Ephesians 6:12)

As soldiers, God gives us armor and weapons (Ephesians 6:13-18) and he gives us the power to use the artillery he has given us. In this passage in Luke, serpents are symbolic of Satan, (Rev 12:9; Gen 3:1-14) and scorpions are symbolic of evil spirits/evil men. (Rev 9:1-5; 9:10)

No matter what we face, we can be encouraged that through Christ, we have authority and dominion over negative influence we encounter. Amen?"

AMEN BROTHER!!

Hit the Ground Running in 2011 with Barbed Wire and Ninja Skills

2011-01-02T22:33:00.000-08:00

Well, it's January 2 and thanks to a LOT of help from my two hardworking men, all of the Christmas decorations are put away and the house is "sort of" back to normal. To be totally honest, if it weren't for Jeff and our two younger children, the Christmas decorations would have never made it out of storage...nor would there have been any Christmas cookies.

2010 was a very hard year. I told Jeff this morning that I thought at this time of our lives things were supposed to be getting easier. Instead we seem to be in the EXACT same place we were when we were young marrieds. Jeff has a great job but we have no money, we drive used junker cars and there is a baby on the way. The only differences are, we are paying on a mortgage instead of renting, my parents live four states away, we have three grown children, the baby on the way is our grandchild and although it may not seem like it to some of you, my head knowledge of the Lord has grown into an actual relationship with Him.

Oh...and I am 22 years older, so the body aches a lot more and I have reached a place in my life were I don't really give a hoot what anyone thinks of me, my family or my relationship with the Lord. AND, I have very little patience with young people who think they know more than I do about children, relationships, God, or just about anything related to having been a wife and a mother for nearly twenty-five years.

I do not mean to appear negative. Please forgive me if I do. I have recently come to understand a couple of really important things though....

1) There is ALWAYS going to be someone in your life who does not "approve" of how you live your life.... ALWAYS. There are just people out there who didn't get enough love from their parents, or whose blood sugar is too high...or two low, or maybe they are just spoiled or they have no confidence in themselves..or in the Lord...and it makes them feel better about themselves when they can point out every thing they THINK you are doing wrong and how you SHOULD be living your life. It's just the way things are. If they are part of your family...someone you have to do life with...just smile and nod and pray that the Lord use them to refine you... or grow a backbone and try to talk to them about it. If they aren't...smile and wave bye-bye...cause life's full of enough crap without letting someone run their cattle on your land and fill it up with any MORE!! Put up some barbed-wire for crying out loud.... set some boundaries!!

2) Anytime you strive to make a better life for yourself, to grow, to stretch, to move ahead, the enemy is gonna try to knock you on your keister.(He might even use those mentioned above to do so.) There will be hurdles,and sucker punches and you WILL be blindsided. So get yourself some sweet ninja skills and when you get hit... tuck, roll and come up fighting! BTW...Sweet Ninja skills probably should involve some time spent in prayer and the word and having a pretty good network of friends willing to pray for you and find comfortable furniture for your pregnant daughter.

(Do you think I've mixed enough metaphores yet?)

Anyway...enough of that! I don't have TIME to wallow in the misery of 2010! I must RISE to the need and expectations of 2011!! We have a grandson on the way and TONS to do before he gets here. There will be the trading of bedrooms and moving of furniture and painting and sewing and baby showers and LOTS of birthdays and our 25th anniversary between now and March 30th when the Wee One is due!!

If 2010 was the year of angst and tears then 2011 will be a year of new beginnings. Here we are...not yet three days into a new year and we already have a good start on a list of highs....

1)Jeff's father married his long time girl Bea in a quiet ceremony in East Texas this weekend!!

2)Jeff and I have started the new year by beginning a 21 day fast (me from FB and coke, Jeff from Coffee)...

3)... as we attempt to read through the Bible in 90 days!

4)The Christmas decorations are put away!

5)Keaton made his first pot of stew today...and it was WONDERFUL!

6)Tomorrow is the 77th birthday of my Uncle Willard....whom I love dearly!

Tomorrow, January 3,2011...we hit the ground running. Jeff goes back to work, Keaton goes back to school, Kaitlyn and I try to beat back the clutter which has overtaken our home and Kirsten keeps on doing what she does best...serving up coffee and her dazzling smiles, all the while taking care of herself and the Wee One!

Let's do this thing people!!!

Reconciling The Grinch and Baby Jesus Within Myself

2010-12-02T08:18:00.000-08:00

I pray O Lord that the spirit within me find a way to celebrate the LIFE of your Son in some special way during this advent season. Your ways are unknown to me. Help me to set aside my reluctance to be shoved into a box by society AND the traditions of the church and just ENJOY this time of year. Allow me to be an example to my children. Let me not forget the lessons learned during these lean years. I believe they are important. Lead me to create a whole NEW set of traditions based on your love and the example your sacrifice sets for us. I see the spark of a new way of life Lord. Give me the breath and the strength to fan it into a flame.

In my struggle to bring the secular vs the spiritual sides of this holiday season into alignment within myself I found this modern day parable touching.

Blessings to all this second day of December 2010!

The Parable of the Shopper
Author unknown

My feet were tired, my hands cold, my arms exhausted from the weight of the packages, and it was beginning to snow. The bus was late. I kept rearranging my packages, trying to hold them in a different way in order to give my poor arms a rest. I still remember that day as if it were yesterday, and yet fifteen years have gone by. Nevertheless, when Christmas rolls around, I remember that day on the bus.

I was tired. I had been Christmas shopping all day long. When the bus finally arrived, it was packed with holiday shoppers in the same exhausted mood as I. I sank into the only vacant place, near the back, by a handsome gentleman. He politely helped me to situate my packages and even held some of them himself.

"My goodness," he said, "did you leave any merchandise still in the stores for the rest of us?"

"I don't think so," I moaned. "Worst of all, I still haven't made all of my purchases."

The woman in the seat behind us joined in my grief and added, "No, the worst thing is that the day after Christmas we will be carrying this same armload back to the store to exchange it."

Her comment brought a general chuckle from all those within earshot, including my seat mate. As the laughter subsided, he began in a quiet, melodious voice, deepened with experience, to teach me a lesson that I have never forgotten:

"Hear now the parable of the shopper," he said, speaking gently and indicating my packages. "A woman went forth to shop, and as she shopped, she carefully planned. Each child's desires were considered. The hard-earned money was divided, and the many purchases were made with the pure joy and delight that is known only to the giver. Then the gifts were wrapped and placed lovingly under the tree. In eager anticipation she scanned each face as the gifts were opened."

"'What a lovely sweater,' said the eldest daughter, 'but I think I would prefer blue. I suppose I can exchange it?'

"'Thank you for the cassette player, Mother. It's just what I wanted,' said her son. And then aside, secretly to his sister, he continued, 'I told her I wanted the one with the automatic reverse and an extra speaker. I never get what I want!'

"The youngest child spoke out with the spoiled honesty of her age, 'I hate rag dolls! I wanted a china doll. I won't play with it!' And the doll, still in the box, was kicked under the couch."

"One gift still lay under the tree. The woman pointed it out to her husband. 'Your gift is still there.'

"'I'll open it when I have the time,' he stated. 'I want to get this bike put together first.'

"How sad it is," continued his soft, beautiful voice. "When gifts are not received in the same spirit they are given. To reject a thoughtful gift is to reject the loving sentiment of the giver himself. And yet, are we not all sometimes guilty of rejecting?"

He was talking not only to me, but to all of those on the bus. They had all gathered around. The bus was parked.

He took a present from my stack.

"This one," he said, holding it up and pretending to open the card, "could be to you." He pointed to a rough-looking, teenage boy in a worn denim jacket and pretended to read the gift card. "To you I give My life, lived perfectly, as an example so that you might see the pattern and live worthy to return and live with Me again. Merry Christmas from the Messiah."

"This one," he said, holding up a pure, white present, "is for you." He held out the gift to a worn-looking woman, who in earlier years must have been a real beauty. She read the card out loud and allowed her tears to slip without shame down her painted face. "My gift to you is repentance. This Christmas I wish you to know for certain that though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow. Signed, your Advocate with the Father."

"That isn't all. No, here is a big, red package." he looked around the group and brought a ragged, unkempt, little child forward. "This package would be for you if He were here. The card would say, 'On this Christmas and always, My gift to you is love. From your brother, Jesus.'"

"One final gift," said my seat mate. "The greatest of all the gifts of God--Eternal life!"

He held our minds and our hearts. We were a hungry audience. Though our shopping had left us drained, now we were being filled by his words.

"How we receive these gifts, these precious gifts from the Babe of Bethlehem, is the telling point. Are we exchangers?" he asked. "Is there really anything else we would rather have? It is what we do with a gift long after we have opened it that shows our true appreciation."

With those words he was gone. That was fifteen years ago, only a wink in time. But not even an eternity could erase the sermon, or the man.

Of swords and melodramas and dark places in the night...

2010-12-01T09:34:00.000-08:00

Awakened by a dream. One word in a dream. Like someone snapping their fingers rousing me from a hypnotic trance...I am wide awake at 2:30 in the morning. Upon rising I find that all is not in order. Someone is not in their place. A mother's worst fear compounded by the fact that this mother is now to be a grandmother and it seems that all senses are heightened in a way unexplainable.

No one tells you it will be like this. That all the love you have for your own children will be magnified in the next generation of those born of your blood.

And no one tells you that this love must dwell in some horrible gray area known only to grandparents.We have no power. Like we ever had any before. We have no say so. We have no control. And we are counseled to keep our mouths closed. To let ours raise their own.

The thought tumbling around in the outer reaches of my mind is that all of the lessons I have come through in the past few years, the ones stripping me of all control, were wrought in preparation for this very specific time in my life. The time when I will truly have no control. When all I will be able to do is stand quietly, waiting to be called into action when needed...and pray.

As I lay me down to sleep, my heartbeat calmed somewhat by a few brief,quiet words...for it seems the molding and shaping has replaced much of my volume with more peaceful tones...my thoughts are not those of "what if", but of praise...scripture strung together and set to a tune sung by a long forgotten voice from my teenage years...

"LORD, our Lord,how majestic is your name in all the earth...Our Lord, we praise your name, Our Lord, we magnify your name, Prince of Peace, mighty God our lord God almighty"

And then prayers sent forth asking our Heavenly Father that I be of use. That I be useful... to HIM.

On the one hand I rejoice that in the dark places, forged by the enemy on a cold winter's night, MY spirit instinctively cries out to the spirit of my Father. On the other, my flesh is once again angry at what little control I have over my own life.

My only TRUE control in the past has been the volume of my voice, or the panic of my heart, or the "what if" centered melodrama playing in my head like a flickering piece of old film at it's tamest or a technicolor masterpiece in it's full glory. And..my flesh finds it hard to put these old friends to rest.

But the spirit of the Lord reminds me that it is okay, proper, preferable even, to put away the "Peter's sword" of my youth...the sword drawn in haste and in panic...and dress myself in a mantle of peace stitched by my Father's own hand and blessed by the blood of his son.

I pray that in the future, when I am once again set in that place of "no control", I will remember to draw this mantle over myself as a child does with a blanket, that it become the tent of meeting for my father and I... and that in this tent I find rest.

Blue Christmas...

2010-11-30T17:43:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is December 1st. December 1st! The 1st day of December. And this fact brings me nothing but sorrow.

December 1st means that in a little over three weeks it will be Christmas Day. I wait all year long for Christmas but this year the thought that it will be here in a mere 24 days makes me want to bury my head under the covers and stay there until January 2.

The sad fact is in a world governed by the almighty dollar...no money and no family nearby...means a blue, blue Christmas.

Please,no lectures. I understand the true meaning of Christmas. I also understand that putting my true feelings into words will bring a hailstorm of judgment.

I am blessed. There is not doubt about it. I think that maybe I am so blessed I need a big EVENT at the end of the year to "wrap up" the year and facing the fact that there will be not BIG event to cap of the holiday season is sending me into a tailspin.

I'm not explaining this very well am I?

I am a creature of habit, a child reared with no traditions whose heart is set on keeping the very few she has managed to establish for herself and her children. During the past few years of having every bit of flesh ripped from me...including almost everything "physical" I hold dear...only to be faced with a holiday spent having even MORE stripped from me...is not something I am facing with much grace.

Our financial situation being at an all time low means no big dinner..beans and spaghetti are getting a little old, definitely no trips... seeing as how we spend every pay period living in fear that Jeff might not have enough money to buy gas to get to work and given the lack of gas money there will be no viewing of the Christmas lights or trips up the mountains, or downtown..or anywhere for that matter. And there will be no gifts. The gifts thing isn't such a big thing for Jeff and I. We haven't had any money for several years now. But is is bone crushing to think we will not be able to buy anything for our children. No Christmas candy, no stocking stuffers, no mountains of baked goods. No Christmas outfits. No trips to to movies. And yes...they are practically grown...but they are OUR CHILDREN and until they have spouses of their own to pamper them...I WANT TO!!!

Once again,let me explain...I UNDERSTAND THAT ADMITTING TO THE SORROW IN NOT HAVING THESE THINGS FOR CHRISTMAS WHEN I SHOULD BE REJOICING IN THE FACT THAT WE HAVE A ROOF OVER OUR HEADS, THREE WONDERFUL CHILDREN AND VEHICLES TO DRIVE, EXPOSES MY VERY TENDER, OBNOXIOUSLY WHITE, UNDERBELLY!

Get over it!! This is my pity party! I am tired of being strong! I am tired of spending the holidays without my family! I am tired of paying our bills and then holding my breath for the next two weeks, all the while praying that we will have gas money and groceries to last until the NEXT two week cycle begins. I am tired of not having one decent thing to wear to church, or not having the money to feed our family properly. I am tired of canceling doctors appointments because we can't afford the co-pay or our part of the bills we will not be able to pay after the insurance company pays it's ever dwindling part. I am tired of living in fear as to what these canceled appointments might mean to my health. I am tired of being cold because the thought of what an increase in our electric bill might do to our already precarious financial situation. I am tired of being unable to rejoice fully in the upcoming birth of my upcoming grandson because of the things I wish to help provide for him. I am just tired of living this way....and I am doubly so during a time when a few hundred dollars could mean the difference between a COMFORTABLE Christmas...and no Christmas at all.

STILL NOT WANTING TO HEAR ANY JUDGMENT...OR PLATITUDES...OR SCRIPTURES telling me how I should rejoice in what I have or trust in the Lord!

Let me tell you a few things...

I live Christmas all year long...or at least I try to given the fact that I seem to have my face shoved in the mud on a DAILY basis by the BULLY OF ALL BULLIDOM!!!

Christmas Day is just that. It is just a day. A day which MAN has set aside to exchange gifts and gorge ourselves on huge amounts of food. If we are living the way we are supposed to be living...we are rejoicing in Christ birth EVERY SINGLE DAY!! We should be THANKING GOD for the gift of his son and his subsequent sacrifice which bridged the gap between our father and us, which covered our sins, which paid a debt we would never have been able to pay!! ONE DAY..or even one SEASON could NEVER be enough to celebrate such a wondrous gift!! So don't give me your crap about the "reason for the season".

I am just having a good ol' hissy fit because I WANT THE GOODIES!!! I want them for me...and my children...and my husband who busts his butt EVERY SINGLE DAY for us and NEVER ASKS FOR/GETS JACK TO SHOW FOR IT!!

I'm just being human. I'll be spiritual again tomorrow.

~The next day...As I read this post again I am still unconvinced that I ever got my point across. Towards the end I feel I was just flailing. I have this weird disconnect in my brain that separates the secular part of Christmas from the "Worship" part of Christmas. I feel it even as I am decorating for the holidays. One seems to have very little to do with the other even though they share the same space in my living room. I was railing against the loss of the secular part of the holiday...and not the worship part of it. I hope that no one is offended...or concerned for my mental well being! ;)~

Our part in all of this...

2010-11-24T08:10:00.000-08:00

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story—
those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,
those he gathered from the lands,
from east and west, from north and south.

Some wandered in desert wastelands,
finding no way to a city where they could settle.
They were hungry and thirsty,
and their lives ebbed away.
Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He led them by a straight way
to a city where they could settle.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
for he satisfies the thirsty
and fills the hungry with good things.

Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness,
prisoners suffering in iron chains,
because they rebelled against God’s commands
and despised the plans of the Most High.
So he subjected them to bitter labor;
they stumbled, and there was no one to help.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,
and broke away their chains.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
for he breaks down gates of bronze
and cuts through bars of iron.

Some became fools through their rebellious ways
and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.
They loathed all food
and drew near the gates of death.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
He sent out his word and healed them;
he rescued them from the grave.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind.
Let them sacrifice thank offerings
and tell of his works with songs of joy.

Some went out on the sea in ships;
they were merchants on the mighty waters.
They saw the works of the LORD,
his wonderful deeds in the deep.
For he spoke and stirred up a tempest
that lifted high the waves.
They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths;
in their peril their courage melted away.
They reeled and staggered like drunkards;
they were at their wits’ end.
Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
and he brought them out of their distress.
He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm,
and he guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind.
Let them exalt him in the assembly of the people
and praise him in the council of the elders.

He turned rivers into a desert,
flowing springs into thirsty ground,
and fruitful land into a salt waste,
because of the wickedness of those who lived there.
He turned the desert into pools of water
and the parched ground into flowing springs;
there he brought the hungry to live,
and they founded a city where they could settle.
They sowed fields and planted vineyards
he blessed them, and their numbers greatly increased,
and he did not let their herds diminish.

Then their numbers decreased, and they were humbled
by oppression, calamity and sorrow;
he who pours contempt on nobles
made them wander in a trackless waste.
But he lifted the needy out of their affliction
and increased their families like flocks.
The upright see and rejoice,
but all the wicked shut their mouths.

Let the one who is wise heed these things
and ponder the loving deeds of the LORD.

~PSALMS 107

" I am's what I am's and that's all's that's I am's ".....

2010-11-22T10:21:00.000-08:00

I am who God created me to be.

No, many times I do not live up to the potential of this creation. Heck, MOST OF THE TIME I do not live up to the potential of this creation. Why? Because I spend so much time beating myself up about how insignificant I am in the "grand scheme of things" that I get in the way and do not allow my creator to "use" his creation.

I was a child with no discernible imagination. I played with dolls, and with these dolls and the help of my two younger brothers, I then became a mommy, a teacher and occasionally a nurse. "See!" you say, "You did have an imagination!!". No...I did not. I was practicing. I was practicing to be a wife and a mother. I started with my dolls, and then when I was ten my mother was kind enough to provide me with A REAL BABY in the form of a much loved, often tormented, baby brother. With her supervision I then began my REAL training. From there I moved on to working in the church nursery, and summers spent working for Mother's Day out, and babysitting, there was a whole summer spent baby sitting for one family, and then after we were married I worked full time in the church nursery with my husband every Sunday up until right before our first child was born.

I was created to be a wife and a mother. And I am a damn good mother. NO...I am not a perfect mother. There are no PERFECT MOTHERS! There may be mothers with beautifully decorated,spotless homes,or mothers who do not suffer from migraines and chronic pain, or mothers who homeschool their children, or mothers who do not have to juggle to pay their bills every month, or mothers who spend hours a day praying for their children,or mothers who don't cry so much,or mothers who work full time so that their children can have everything they ever wanted,or mothers who nurse their children until they are three and never allow them to have sugar, or mothers who cook perfectly balanced meals every night for dinner, or mothers who cart their children all over creation to mommy and me and story time and cooking classes and play dates etc,etc, etc. But there are no perfect mothers.

My children are pretty much grown. Their father and I have raised them well. They KNOW there is a savior who can and will supply all of their needs as long as they turn to him. They KNOW right from wrong according to the scriptures and the laws of man. They KNOW to stay away from drugs and the dangers of drinking too much. They KNOW the importance of family. They KNOW what to look for in a good spouse. They KNOW how to take care of a home. They KNOW the importance of a menu and a shopping list.(And yes,they also know it is a pain in the butt because they hear me complain about doing it every couple of weeks.)They KNOW that they must pay their bills in order to keep a roof over their heads and the utilities on. When they leave our home they may EVEN know how to grow their own food and gather their own eggs. AND..in addition...they understand the comfort of a good book,the joy of watching movies as a family,the reward of hard work, the beauty of an occasional camping trip, the excitement of a few really great, over the top birthday parties, they might possibly have gained enough knowledge to judge art from crap and they TOTALLY appreciate the gift of rock and roll and the release that comes from dancing like a crazy person and singing at the top of your lungs.

NOW...how and if my children choose to take the knowledge of these things and apply them to THEIR lives...is between them and their creator. They have their OWN relationships with God, and their father and I can not walk behind them their entire lives and tell them what to do and clean up their messes. We can only instill in them a set of life skills combined with some common knowledge and an example of love for our Heavenly Father and those who enter our lives.

I am who God created me to be. I am significant in my insignificance. When I die I will not have dined with world leaders,or written the novel that changed a generation, or lived among the native tribes, or served as a missionary, or traveled the world or lead congregations. But...I will have used every skill that God has allowed me to hone from the time of my childhood in the service of my family and friends and the others we have managed to drag in off of the street.

Please, do not give me any crap about moving out of my comfort zone. If you believe that there is ANY comfort for a virtual hermit in the hosting of 20 odd people for dinner in a house with an entertainment area the size of a postage stamp...you would be SADLY MISTAKEN!!

BUT...there is joy!!! Because in the mundane, unimportant, day to day life of this insignificant woman created to be NOTHING LESS than a wife and a mother..there is peace in the knowledge that she does not have to move the world in order to bring about change in subtle yet very important ways.

I read and interesting article this morning I though I would share...
http://www.crosswalk.com/11641169/
Yeah...you are going to have to copy and past because I haven't figured out how to add a link in the body of my blog yet!

Blessings to all who have dared read the ramblings of an insignificant mother this very day!

For Sarah...

2010-11-19T08:22:00.000-08:00

My mother tells me at times that I have stress related memory loss. This is annoying because USUALLY I have a mind like a steel trap. Or,I "remember the elephant", as my nephew Christian once said!

But lately I haven't been able to focus and I have been forgetting things. Why? Well, part of the reason is because I am tired, and I don't sleep. Why? Because I am a worrier. Have been since I was about seven... which BTW is about the same time I developed an ulcer. Yes..I developed an ulcer in the first grade!

Recently, my oldest child, started having trouble sleeping as well. One day she told me that she had not slept the night before and I decided to go on a search for some scripture. Which is a whole heck of a lot easier than it used to be I might add! BibleGateway.com is one of my best friends. We visit just about every day!

Anyway...after reading a LOT of scripture about "sleep" and "rest", I began to notice a common thread running through a lot of them. SO MANY TIMES the scripture tells us that in order to find rest we must cry out to God, we must give him our our sins,our anger and yes...our stress and our worries. Because I believe at it's core, worry is sin. That is, if we believe that worry is a form of unbelief.

AND THEN when we have done this...when we have called out to our father and discussed our day with him...we will find rest.

This MAY NOT be easy for some! This, like so many other things may need to begin as a HABIT before it becomes "second nature". And,as I write this, I am reminded of something....

When I was a child my dad would come and sit at the edge of my bed and we would recite this children's prayer..."Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take."

And then I would say all of my "God Blesses".

Sounds kinda morbid for a children's prayer huh? But broken down...it is a very simple prayer giving it all to God. It's says, "I'm going to sleep now Father. I am trusting you to take care of me. And..if something happens... then I am trusting you to take care of my very soul."

SO PEOPLE...LET'S DO IT!! Let's become like a child! Let's give it all to God when we go to bed at night. He's sitting right there on the edge of the bed waiting for us to pray with him.

When I was searching the scriptures that day for my oldest child...and for myself it turns out...one passage of scripture in particular really stood out to me. Actually, one PART of it stood out because I thought it SOOO beautiful in it's wording. AND THEN the rest of it began to sink in. So this is the one i shared with Kirsten...

Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him,if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,then, free of fault, you will lift up your face;you will stand firm and without fear.You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday,and darkness will become like morning.You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid...~Job 11:13-19

And here is a couple extra for good measure...

I call out to the LORD,and he answers me from his holy mountain.
I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
I will not fear though tens of thousands assail me on every side.
~Psalm 3:4-6

LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the LORD.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.~Psalm 16:5-11

PS...We don't have to wait until we go to bed to begin establishing this habit! ;)

Praying for the one I have yet to meet....

2010-11-18T10:50:00.000-08:00

It is the most unusual sensation to be separated from my unborn grandson by a few fragile layers of fabric and skin and tissue. Sometimes, when I have my hands on my daughter's perfectly round belly, I can feel him right there on the other side, and although I have had three children of my own...I am in awe of God's most perfect creation.

I'll be real honest with you, I wanted him to be a her. And my reasons were all incredibly selfish I know. If he were a she,some things, given the particular set of circumstances we are dealing with, would just be easier to handle. AND...I could make all sorts of cute toys, and the clothes are cuter and I know more girl's books to buy. But...following along in God's theme for my life. His plans are not my own.

The fact that my first grandchild was indeed a boy had BARELY begun to settle in when God reminded me what AMAZING men I have in my life and I was prompted in my spirit to create a list of "Attributes of a Godly Man". It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. With a little help from some of the Godly men in my life...by example and a with a couple of emails...and GOd's word,this list has grown quite long.

I am sure my list is not complete, and it seems that daily God gives me scriptures to pray and generational issues to "come against" and I am constantly reminded to shore up those hedges of protection,plead the blood of the Lamb over him,and for the protection of God's warrior angels.....

WHEW!! Maybe God gives us grandparents because there is too much ground for our parents to cover on their own!

And because there IS so much to pray for/about, I am sure that God is fine with my "cheat sheet"...and here it is!

Lord,I pray that my grandson is righteous,humble,truthful,blameless in your sight,honorable,generous,that he fear you and you alone,that he is prosperous,steadfast,that he trusts you, that he is loving, kindhearted, sensitive,gracious,compassionate,obedient to you and his parents, strong, healthy,trustworthy,hardworking,faithful,self-controlled and able to resist the temptations of the world, temperate, respectful, hospitable, teachable, sincere, that he be able to keep hold of the deep truths of faith,that he is hopeful,full of peace, gentle, enduring and that he find salvation at an early age as to be filled with the power of the Holy Spirit and able to fulfill all that you have for his life.

The path of the wind...

2010-11-17T13:10:00.000-08:00

Well...it's been almost two years since I last posted to this blog. Things in my life have changed quite a bit since then and I am not EVEN going to TRY to catch you up on the "goings on" of the past two years. If you are one of the four or five people who read my blog in the past, or if we are friends on Facebook, you already know ALL ABOUT the insanity which I call my life!

Which begs the question?.....

Why even begin blogging again?

The honest answer....

I'm not real sure yet. I just feel like it is time.

Where to begin, where to begin....

Oh...I know!! How about we begin at the beginning? The beginning of a new life that is...for you see, I am soon to be a grandmother.

SSSCCRRREEECCCHHHH!!!!!!

What?!? A grandmother!?! How the hell did that happen!?!?!

I'm not ready to be a grandmother! The timing is all wrong! I'm not the least bit prepared! My children are barely grown! There was no time to catch my breath! Things are a bit out of order here aren't they? There were supposed to be courtship and an engagement and wedding showers and A WEDDING for crying out loud!!

I GOT NONE OF THAT!!! I'VE BEEN ROBBED!! This isn't fair!!

The heading at the beginning of Ecclesiastes states, "EVERYTHING IS MEANINGLESS"...and then Solomon goes on to state over in over, in this rather short book in the Old Testament..and I am paraphrasing here, "Life ISN'T fair. There isn't really any justice here in the mortal realm. You get what you get. So get over it,quit whining,remember your creator,enjoy your spouse and your wine and work hard. Because in the end there is no working or planning or knowledge or wisdom. So make the best of what you've got!!"

And he says this,"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God,
the Maker of all things."

Guess what? I don't get to be in control. It's as simple as that. I don't get to know the path of the wind. I do not get to know why things are the way they are and why some people get perfect little lives where everything goes according to plan with fairly tale endings.

I get to do my best with what I have,work hard,love the Lord my God with all of my heart and all of my soul and love my neighbor as myself. I get to love and enjoy my spouse and my children and my AMAZING grandson!! I get to stand beside my amazingly beautiful, talented, loving,oldest daughter and hold her hand, and make her lunches so that my baby boy grows healthy and strong and I get to help decorate his room when he gets here and I get to pray for him and lay hands on him and speak scripture over him and I get to do all of the things for my daughter that my mother did for me and her mother did for her. And I get to do all of this with the help of my crazy, sometimes out of order, always unpredictable family...with a little help and a LOT of prayers from our friends.

BUT...I can not do any of this if I hold on to the unreasonable belief that I can CONTROL everything. That I can FIX everything. That EVERYTHING is going to be perfect and in the order I think it is supposed to be in...or that I can do ANY of it without letting go of how I think things are supposed to be. Because I can not even KNOW the path of the wind...or the mind of God... and what he has planned for me...much less CONTROL it.

In my last posting on January 1, 2009 I wrote this, "I am not going to wax poetic,not going to give and highs and lows list, not going to whine and cry about what SHOULD have been last year...and not going to make any New Years resolutions.

This what I AM going to do...I'm going to try to move ahead in 2009 with the knowledge that things ARE going to change. Why...because they just do. It's all part of life. Kids grow up, jobs change, friends move on..and the world just keeps on spinning.

The trick is to plant your feet firmly on the ground, pick a spot to focus on...preferably the Lord...and try not to heave too much.
"
And two years later...as much as things have changed...what I wrote then is still the same. Don't ya just LOVE IT when your own words come back to bite ya on the tookus!

2009

2009-01-01T22:36:00.000-08:00

Well...2009 is here...whether we want it to be or not.

I'm not going to wax poetic,not going to give and highs and lows list, not going to whine and cry about what SHOULD have been last year...and not going to make any New Years resolutions.

This what I AM going to do...I'm going to try to move ahead in 2009 with the knowledge that things ARE going to change. Why...because they just do. It all part of life. Kids grow up, jobs change, friends move on..and the world just keeps on spinning.

The trick it to plant your feet firmly on the ground, pick a spot to focus on...preferably the Lord...and try not to heave too much.

If there is anyone out there reading this....

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!

And now it is November 5th...

2008-11-05T06:43:00.000-08:00

Well..it's the morning after the election...and I feel like yesterday was a holiday or something. I'm tired, a little let down and I woke up this morning wondering what the next big event was.

Anyway...what's done is done. If you are not committed to pray for our new leader, the leader of the greatest nation on earth,then you have not read the scriptures very closely. He needs our prayers. He is young,inexperienced and has young daughters who need to be protected from the CRAP that comes with being the child of a president. I am SLIGHTLY encouraged by the fact that he has already chosen Colin Powell to help guide his policy. That turncoat! ;)

I must admit to apologize for a couple of things. At work last night we were trying to find election results online and when we realized Pres. Elect Obama was winning I groaned very loudly. Then when Kaitlyn and I stopped by Starbucks on the way home Kirsten said, "We could move to Canada." and I said,"Why? They're ALREADY socialists." Then I told her I was going to build a bunker in the back yard, plant a garden,and raise chickens so that when the do-do hits the fan we can hide. These were not right responses. They were not comments encouraging to my children. They were a knee jerk reaction spoken in fear.

See that's the thing. Some of P.E.Obama's policies SCARE me. The biggest one is his stand on partial birth abortion. BUT..his OTHER policies..the ones that conservative/republicans have been so quick to label as "socialist"...are of our own making!

If we were doing what WE were supposed to do..If WE were caring for the widows and orphans..If WE were taking care of the homeless..If WE were feeding the hungry..If WE were concerned with our countries educational system..If we would stop arguing amongst ourselves, as believers..about so MANY issues..If we were putting our tithes and offering into PEOPLE and not buildings and programs..If the latest "celebrity" cause OUTSIDE of our country were slightly less important that the tired and huddled masses INSIDE of our own borders..If WE were turning off our TV's and computers long enough to CARE about others..or to even care about our own FAMILIES...then our government would not NEED to step in.

And please, don't freak out. I KNOW that there are issues outside OUR country that demand our attention. I seem to remember a couple of world wars fought for such issues. Genocide IS an important issue. Clean water IS an important issue. But I can not help but believe that a STRONG nation...a nation who takes care of it's own...could make an impact on this world that we can not EVEN begin to imagine. As a mother I can not serve my family or take care of my children when my body is not functioning correctly. Why do we feel that we can serve the rest of the world when our own internal structure is diseased? As strong as our weakest link and all that.

We do it to ourselves..or we allow it to be done to us. We are NOT victims. A "better world" takes sacrifice. Sacrifice, that we as a nation, as a world, are just not willing to make. Our forefathers sacrificed many things..from a creature comfort that became the Boston Tea Party...to their lives...so that we could have the freedoms that we enjoy today. Some of which we are QUICKLY loosing. I can't help but believe that they would be horribly ashamed to see what whiners we have become.

I heard on the news yesterday why we vote on Tuesdays. It is because MOST voters had to travel overnight to vote. The leaders of the time did not believe we should travel on the sabbath. So voters left on Monday, voted on Tuesday and then were able to return to their homes and their duties there before the next sabbath day.

Sacrifice people. It's what love is all about. Love of our Father for his children. Love of the blessed for those less fortunate. Love of those privileged to vote... for the future of their country.

And yes..as you well know..I work things through with words..LOTS of words. This rant is for my own benefit. I am speaking to myself. If YOU gain any insight from it... I'm sorry ;)

October...highs and lows

2008-11-03T16:48:00.000-08:00

"I like spring, but it is too young. I like summer, but it is too proud. So I like best of all autumn, because its tone is mellower, its colours are richer, and it is tinged with a little sorrow. Its golden richness speaks not of the innocence of spring, nor the power of summer, but of the mellowness and kindly wisdom of approaching age. It knows the limitations of life and its content."|
- Lin Yutang

Well..the kids aren't here and Jeff's not home yet. And as I sit here watching election eve coverage I have about thirty minutes to myself. So I though I would AT LEAST post my highs and lows of October since I can't seem to find the time to REALLY write.

Things have a been a little crazy around here. Jeff has worked a lot of extra hours in recent weeks. I just last week asked to go full time at the library. Kirsten is still enjoying Starbucks. Kaitlyn works 3-4 days a week and Keaton is, at this moment, at his last performance of Dracula at the high school. We were really proud of him. They don't pick many freshmen for their productions but he got a small role! We went and saw it the other night and it was quite good for a high school production. It was a small audience RIGHT on the stage with the actors. We were less then five feet from a lot of the action!!

My mom came in from WA a couple of weeks ago and brought my nephew Jarod with him. J-Rod to his hip hop Uncle Jeff ;) We got to go for a long ride in the mountains and catch the last of the fall color. BUT...Mom spent much of her time here sewing Raggedy Ann and Andy Costumes for Jeff and I....because she's just that kind of mom. I wore mine to a costume contest at work and WON!! Jeff then joined me in wig and face paint at a birthday party for one of our very best friends Noah. He turned a WHOPPING 29 years old!

As the holidays seem to crash down upon us I will try VERY hard to be more diligent in my posts.

OH DANG....I just remembered I need to do something about Christmas cards!!!!

ANYWAY....here's me list of highs and lows...which always makes me think about my dear..and very pregnant friend Kath. For without her I would have never began the monthly lists. Love you Kath!

Highs :)
1)A week long visit from my mom and Jarod and a weekend with my dad.
2)The kids fall break.
3)Saturday Night Supper Club with the Barnetts and the Cremisinos.
4)Halloween Potluck and Costume Contest where I won 1st place!
5)Noah's Birthday party.
6)Attending Keaton's performance in Dracula...which was technically Nov.1st..but it's my blog so I can do whatever I want!

Lows :(
1)My mom had to go home.
2)I REALLY miss my nieces and nephews at this time of year.
3)Ongoing money woes.
4)CONTINUOUS rhetoric from BOTH parties and NEVER ENDING political coverage and ads leading up to tomorrows presidential election.

5)The last of the fall leaves are loosening their grip..leaving the trees quite bare. They live such a short life. It seems but yesterday they were mere buds bringing us the hope of a much needed break from the winter cold and long days spent lazing in the sun with friends. Now they are gone...and the cool fall nights drive us indoors. I pray you take time to build a fire in the fireplace, play games with friends,read a classic book,build a puzzle, make coco or cider, and bake things which fill your home with the cool weather scents of cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves. For it is much easier to face the cruelties of winter..when huddled together with those you love.

Much love to you all!!!

Preparing for winter...

2008-10-08T14:08:00.000-07:00

Change is a measure of time and, in the autumn, time seems speeded up. What was is not and never again will be; what is is change.
--Edwin Way Teale
For man, autumn is a time of harvest, of gathering together. For nature, it is a time of sowing, of scattering abroad.

The smile that flickers on baby's lips when he sleeps- does anybody know where it was borne? Yes, there is a rumor that a young pale beam of a crescent moon touched the edge of a vanishing autumn cloud, and there the smile was first born . . . .
--Rabindranath Tagore

When I write or cross stitch I like to sit on my bed. It's about comfort and putting my legs up...but it is also about the fact that our bed faces west..towards the mountains.

When I pull the blinds up I can look through a lovely frame of tree branches right out at the Sleeping Indian and Devils Dead. (Dang...I need to clean my windows!!)To my right I can see scrub oak on the hill behind us,one of our cherry trees and Kaitlyn's baby willow. I keep an eye him because he IS just a baby!!

I can also watch the birds...including couple of humming birds who like to stop and rest on the branches of our silver leaf maple...the dogs, a squirrel that runs up and down our fence,an occasional rabbit and right now small flocks of birds that use our back yard as a rest stop on their way south. I love it most when the mist hangs on the mountains and seems to muffle the chaos of everyday life. This will be the first winter Jeff and I have stayed in THIS room...so I am looking forward to our first snow. For years I have longed for a room where I could sit by the window and watch the snow fall quietly against the backdrop of the mountains.

The other day I am sitting here,on my bed,cross stitching and all of the sudden it sounds like there is some kinda crazy bird riot going on. The the dogs start barking. So I get up to look around and this is what I see....

There is about a hundred little black birds with iridescent heads blanketing the side and back yard. The "yelling" was coming from a pair of magpies that reside here. So..the magpies are tattling..the dogs are barking...the little birds are twittering at the magpies...the squirrel is running UP and DOWN the fence..and as I look at an angle towards the front...there are two rabbits running and jumping. One LITERALLY did a flip it was so angst ridden at the chaos these little blackbirds had caused in our usually very pleasant yard!! I tried to get a photo but as I opened the window the flock of birds flew away. :(

The whole scene was like something out of a wacked out Disney movie or something!!!

What was REALLY interesting is this.... As I started looking around, at work, in the neighborhood etc...it seems that EVERYONE is just a little bit busier!! I'm not talking about regular busy...I mean that frantic AUTUMN kind of busy where everyone is "gathering nuts" and making preparations for that first snow. (Which is rumored to be this first weekend BTW.)I also find it interesting that you can actually chart the weather by the amount of books turned in at the library!!

We have a bit of that fall activity going on in our own home. I am baking and crafting more. ;) The dogs seem to be hanging out on the deck soaking up as much sun as possible. I NEED to get my bulbs planted and winterize the front yard!! The guys are doing some maintenance around the house trimming branches and such. Everyone is thinking about dragging out their sweaters. Kirsten is looking into classes at ACC for the spring semester. Kaitlyn just checked out a bunch of books at the library and Jeff is just counting every nice day a blessing before he has to put the motorcycle away for the winter.

Perhaps,even if you do not live in a place were the seasons show such drastic change,you should consider what steps you might take to prepare for winter. Be it a physical,calendar season...or a season of life.

Change of seasons...

2008-10-03T15:21:00.000-07:00

With three teenagers...two of them drivers...two of them in High School and one recently graduated....our house officially has a revolving door.

It seems that no sooner has one of our children come home...that they are kissing me goodbye!

Kirsten works full time at Starbucks...she opens many mornings...and closes many nights. She is a social butterfly with many friends and pretty regular trips to dollar bowling night and Karaoke at the local coffee shop.

Kaitlyn is a Jr who drives her and her brother to and from school. She is a member of a couple of groups at school, works three days a week after and joins her sister on her social outings whenever she can.

Keaton is a Freshman who is a reading buddy for a third grader at the library and has a part in his high school production of Dracula. He,of course, joins his sisters as they run all over town and loves to sing whatever classic rock song that strikes his fancy at Karaoke.

I am very happy that my children are happy, healthy, active, productive and enjoy each others company as well as the company of their friends.

AND...I am torn between this happiness and the surprise/loss I still feel ever time my girls grab their keys and head out the door with their own money and their brother in tow.

BUT....I am also surprised at the peace I have when they are all out together. I know that Kirsten will make wise choices as to the safety of her siblings and that Keaton's shear size will more than likely keep strange young men from making unwanted advances towards his very pretty sisters.

I don't know what any of this means. I am just rambling about the change in our lives I am not sure I am ready for.

I guess I need to get ready huh?

ANYWAY...here are some highs and lows of September 2008.

Highs...
Kirsten turned 19 on the 16th.
Kaitlyn turned 17 on the 25th.
My mom came to visit.
Jeff and I went on a nice picnic in the mountain with our friends Kate and Noah.
We had our first night of Saturday Night Supper club with our friends the Anguianos and the Barnetts. Looking forward to more.
The new season of CHUCK started.
FALL FINALLY GOT HERE!!!!

Lows...
My mom's visit was only two days long due to a snafu at work.
I can not seem to do the "crafty" things I would like to do for my friends and family and it is SERIOUSLY bumming me out.
Kaitlyn was in a minor fender bender which was not her fault...but it really upset her.
Paul Newman died.

Home...

2008-09-19T17:45:00.000-07:00

They say you can never go home again.

I say it depends on what you consider "home" to be.

I never had a physical home growing up. We moved a lot. Until we moved into this house in Castle Rock I had never lived anywhere longer than about a year and half.

Now...after nine years...I love our house. Not because it is huge or fancy or new. I love it because it is comfortable, because it holds lots of memories, because it has character, because the yard is big enough for all of our friends, because I can sit on my bed look out the window and see the sun set over the mountains.

But this is not my home.

Instead I choose to cling to another cliche'...."Home is where the heart is."...and my home is with my family.

My home is my husband...my children...and even though she lives in Washington State...my home is my mom.

Even though I am almost 42 my mom is still my mom. It doesn't matter how old I am,where she lives, how often we get to see each other, whether we agree or disagree or how long I have been married...my mother is still HOME.

It has nothing to do with how domestic she is...because she isn't really. It has nothing to do with the amount of kisses she showered me with as a child...because quite honestly I don't remember a lot of them, although I am sure there must have b een. And it has nothing to do with those "heart to heart" talks that at seem to be the centerpiece of so many mother daughter movies...because although we talk A LOT...the things we discuss aren't going to change the world.

My mother is HOME for the same simple reason my husband and children are. It is because of the peace that their love bestows upon my weary heart.

At the end of a long day, when the world and all in it conspires against me....the knowledge that they are there to "shelter" me is just as good...and probably better...than a comfortable chair, well worn wood floors, a big stone fireplace, a winding staircase,a well stocked pantry, an craft room crammed with fabric, a library full of classics and a view of the snow falling gently against the backdrop of the great rocky mountains.

And if you know me at all...you know that is saying an awful lot.

With fall comes a messy house...

2008-09-04T08:36:00.001-07:00

OMG...I almost forgot my HIGHS AND LOWS OF AUGUST 2008!!!!

Um...

Well...

Okay...

SO...Here's the deal...my highs and lows are really more like "bittersweets" this time.

1. Keaton started High School.
2. Kaitlyn got her first job.
3. Kirsten is working..but full time.
4. It's time to start my fall/x-mas projects... but I had to drag everything back in from the garage after our non-move so I could even get started.

There was ONE definite high and that was going to the Balloon Lift Off in Co. Springs with Jeff and the kids this past weekend. We've been going since Keaton was about three so it was really nice to go...just me, Jeff and the kids. Kinda familiar...and normal for a change!!

ANYWAY....I know I haven't been writing much. I am hoping with the cooler weather that as my "creative juices" start to flow...and I use the term "creative" VERY loosely... I will be inspired to keep up with the blog! My biggest problem now is trying to stay focused on ONE fall project. My mind and my hands just seem to flit from one thing to another without getting much done. Do I work on organizing my craft room, quilt, make dolls, cross stitch, work on x-mas cards,x-mas decorations,bake or plant iris bulbs???

I just don't know WHAT to do?!?!

I have a feeling our house is going to be a little...um..."unattended to" for a while! ;)

In the end... Rocky wins!

2008-08-20T10:44:00.001-07:00

I don't seem to have any original thoughts to blog about as of late so I am just going steal from someone else today.

There are times in my life...and I have often said this to Jeff...where I can NOT seem to pick myself up from one "blow" before I am kicked in the teeth yet again. It is like a scene from ROCKY where he is just being pounded on...blow after blow...and blood and sweat and spit are just FLYING all over the place. Apollo Creed HAS NO MERCY!!! And it all occurs in slow motion.

As I was reading a devotional from Charles Spurgeon this morning I was pleased to find out that I am not the only one who suffers from this "syndrome".

So..because Charles was MUCH better with words than I...I leave you with this.

Deliverance Not Limited

He shall deliver thee in six troubles: yea, in seven there shall no evil touch thee. (Job 5:19)

Eliphaz in this spoke the truth of God. We may have as many troubles as the workdays of the week, but the God who worked on those six days will work for us till our deliverance is complete. We shall rest with Him and in Him on our Sabbath. The rapid succession of trials is one of the sorest tests of faith. Before we have recovered from one blow it is followed by another and another till we are staggered. Still, the equally quick succession of deliverances is exceedingly cheering. New songs are rung out upon the anvil by the hammer of affliction, till we see in the spiritual world the antitype of "the Harmonious Blacksmith." Our confidence is that when the Lord makes our trials six, six they will be and no more.

It may be that we have no rest day, for seamen troubles come upon us. What then? "In seven there shall be no evil touch thee." Evil may roar at us, but it shall be kept at more than arm's length and shall not even touch us. Its hot breath may distress us, but its little finger cannot be laid upon us.

With our loins girt about us, we will meet the six or the seven troubles and leave fear to those who have no Father, no Savior, and no Sanctifier.

I got the "My kids are growing up" blues....

2008-08-12T09:59:00.000-07:00

Being a parent is a strange and wonderful beast.

One day you are holding this little tiny thing in your arms and you can't IMAGINE what life is going to be like when they start walking...or talking....

MUCH LESS DRIVING THEMSELVES TO HIGH SCHOOL!!!!

No...Kaitlyn is not my first child to drive herself to school. Kirsten started that last year. Kaitlyn IS my first child to drive her AND her sib to school though.

It was hard enough on me yesterday as I watched Keaton drive off with his dad for the first day of his freshman year....without one moments hesitation I might add. TODAY as he drove off with his sister it was like some HUGE chapter of my life had ended.

SOOO...here I sit...after soaking in the tub for an OBSCENE amount of time...wondering, "What the HECK does a woman who's only goal in life was to be a wife and a mother DO when her last baby enters High School?"

I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW...this is NOT the end of my parental obligations. I KNOW they will still need me...BARELY. I know that the end of a chapter is NOT the end of the BOOK.

I JUST WANT MY BABIES BACK!!!!

And do you know what the real kick in the teeth is. They DIDN'T even look back!!! Oh..wait...they did....they pointed and laughed at me standing on the porch, in my PJs, holding my camera with terrified look on my face and tears in my eyes. No, really....they pointed and laughed....ask them.

Of course...my kids have NEVER looked back. They would leap out of my arms to go into the church nursery. They ran to the bus stop. They jumped out of the car in carpool, waving back over their shoulder as they caught up with their friends. They hugged ME and told ME not to cry when they went off to camp. And now they LAUGH at me as Kaitlyn drives off with my baby boy and leaves me here all alone. I have been told that all of this mean that Jeff and I have raised wonderfully confident individuals.....

Whatever.

If I had known THAT was what we were doing I would have switched tracks and started raising whiny, clingy, Mama's babies!!!

YEAH RIGHT!!!!

This started out as something different...

2008-08-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

I don't really have much to say today.

BUT...I was poking around the Phillip S. Miller Library Website because I thought I should know more about my place of employment. When I decided to look at the history of the library I found this quote from March 1942....

"It is hoped by the committee that in these times of sacrifice and worry, when many of our usual forms of recreation are abandoned, that many people will seek and find the books in the library a source of unexpected relaxation and entertaining pleasure."

I don't know why but I found this quote strangely moving. You must remember...we had only OFFICIALLY been at war for few months in March of 42...but the effects of the war abroad must have been weighing on America since the Germans invaded Poland in 1939.

NOW...read this quote again very carefully...."when many of our usual forms of recreation are abandoned".

Think about that VERY carefully. It holds a TOTALLY different meaning in 2008 and than it did in 1942. People did not have television or computers or cell phones...if they even had a phone. Cars were a luxury item, there was no central air...and there were parts of the country in which people still used outhouses. People did not shop for groceries the way we do now,as the war drug on there was rationing of gasoline,sugar,steel and rubber... among other things...and a cup of coffee was less than a dime. AND..we did not have Amazon or a Barnes and Noble on every other corner where we could purchase books by the armload.

I "find the books in the library a source of unexpected relaxation and entertaining pleasure". every day. But I wonder what it must have been like then. How many people DID turn to books as a form of escape or relaxation. What books were they reading....

The Moon is Down
The Robe
Dragon Seed
See Here Private Hargrove
And Now Tomorrow
Brave Men
Forever Amber
So Well Remembered
The Song of Bernadette
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
The Little Prince

These were just a few bestsellers during the war.

I don't know...I just found it interesting to think about...it was a different time...A time before space travel or the Internet. A time before celebrities were heroes just because of their celebrity. Our heroes were soldiers...as were the people who gave up the simple pleasures of sugar and travel and stockings..the ones who planted victory gardens as their husbands and sons went off to war.

This did not begin as a commentary on war...but I think it might be worth mentioning that we once again have soldiers fighting on another continent and we give up NOTHING because of it. We still drive and bake and watch TV and spend 6 bucks on a cup of coffee and 10 bucks on a movie and watch stupid sitcoms in our air-conditioned houses WHILE surfing the web AND talking on our cellphone.

MAYBE...JUST MAYBE...that's why our soldiers are still fighting a war that we have almost forgotten. A war in which soldiers are still dying.

I DON'T KNOW...It's just a thought...maybe one we should ALL be considering.

And MAYBE...JUST MAYBE...we could remember to say a little prayer for our soldiers and an end to this war each time we pump gas, or drink coffee.....or pick up a book.

Thanks to all of you who have served, are serving and will serve our country.

Highs and Lows of July 2008

2008-08-04T15:09:00.000-07:00

Well...the summer has FLOWN by and we are now 4 days into August!!! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!?!?

ANYWAY...Highs and Lows

Highs...

My Uncle WIllard, Mom and cousin Frank came to visit and we got them for a WHOLE WEEK!

My bro Matt came for a visit the VERY next weekend.

I re-established contact with my cousins son through Facebook.

The DeGraffenrieds were here from Mexico.

Have I mentioned lately how much I absolutely FREAKIN'...beyond all ability to not only voice but to comprehend...LOVE MY HUSBAND.

HighISHness...

Got to see Hellboy 2!
Read tons of books.
Several Mini Motorcycle ride with Jeff

Lows...

Everyone always has to leave.

Grammy was in the hospital.

The Fourth of July kinda sucked.

Our financial situation is still in the crapper.

The Lazy Dayz of Summer....

2008-07-22T11:38:00.000-07:00

It's summertime. I will not be "guilted" in to thinking I have to fill every moment of every day with a task of some sort.

Last summer my children and I spent every waking moment making sure our house was clean so that we would be ready to show it at the drop of a hat. We never got to sleep in. We didn't do anything fun. We were slaves to this house and the thought that we were going to be moving at ANY time.

This summer we are taking a break. We sleep late when at all possible. We play games..together...or alone. We watch movies sometimes. Mostly...we're just hangin'.

Don't get me wrong. We're still busy. I am trying to get adjusted to a new job and a new schedule. Kirsten has a new job at Starbuck's with more hours and a tighter routine. Kaitlyn and Keaton have more responsibility around the house. We laid sod. I dug up and separated a few hundred iris bulbs. Jeff is keeping up with the yard. We've moved our rooms around...and when it gets a little cooler we will be painting ALL of them. The kids all had physicals and I DID finally post a chore list to keep us all a bit more organized.

Last week we had family visit. We went to Garden of of the Gods, spent a day on the South Platte, the kids went swimming,climbed the rock(Castle Rock that is), had a weenie roast and played games with their friends and cousin Frank.....ALL IN ONE DAY. We went to Rocky Mountain National Park on Friday. The kids spent Sat on at the Colorado Ren Fest ate pizza at Pizza Hut, hung out at sonic and played a game with the fam. We saw TWO movies...and in our spare time...we played more games and talked. A WHOLE summer packed into six days!!!

In my opinion....everyone just needs to chill.

Summers used to be spent sleeping late,riding bikes, swimming at the pool, playing in the sprinkler, going to the beach or river, reading tons of books, digging in the dirt,eating tons of watermelon, and playing games with your friends on the street until after dark... and camping....lots and lots of camping.

Our need to fill our children's every waking hour with sports, music lessons, expensive vacations which have to be "one upped" every year, computers,cell phones, cable TV and what seems to be the need to have an ADVENTURE every weekend....has robbed us of what summertime is all about. Rest...fun...family.

Guess what??...School starts in a little over three weeks!!!

We might get a weekend camping trip in...plant some bulbs in the garden....read a few dozen more book. But mostly we're gonna be lazy until the very last minute of the very last day.

2008-07-05T13:08:00.000-07:00

Randoms thoughts about working in the library....

2008-07-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

After many years of volunteering at the kids school libraries I have now graduated to working at the PUBLIC library...for MONEY!

Yeah...don't laugh...working in the library is not only a lot more complicated than you might think it is....it is also a bit more exciting than you think it might be.

Anyway...Here are just a few random thoughts about my first two and a half weeks.

1. It is hard for an avid reader to work in the library because all they want to do is look at all of the books they have never heard of and might want to read.

2. People REALLY need to teach their children how to act in the library!

3. The computer bank...as wonderful a public service as it is...needs to be moved into a room with doors that close. You know how it is when you and your friends sit around a computer watching "Charlie Bit My Finger"...or better yet those old guys MIMICKING "Charlie Bit My Finger"...and you're all laughing and saying "watch, watch!". Yeah...not so conducive to a quiet library atmosphere.

4. There are slackers EVERYWHERE you work. Shelving books is hard, involving a lot of bending, crouching and restraint...cause you don't want to hit those parents how haven't taught their kids how to act in the library. So, if you want to slack...find a job somewhere else.

5. Shelf reading sucks. This is where you go along and make sure EVERY item is in it's place. Not so much fun when everyone you work with is obviously as OCD as you are. Next time I'll try to make sure I pick an area where the slacker has been working.

6. The library is the busiest place in Castle Rock...except for Wal-Mart.

7. It is really a stupid idea to have a mini-coffee shop in the lobby of a library...a place into which you are not allowed to bring food NOR coffee.

8. We have the most AWESOME automatic conveyor which not only moves your books from the drop slots...but also SORTS them into the correct bins, after reading a chip placed inside the back cover of each book with it's "eye", so that we can then shelve them. It is AMAZING...and I think it should have a name. No one else in the back seems to be as excited as I am about the robotic qualities of this wonderful machine though!!

9. Batgirl was a librarian.

10.Our library gets an average of a dozen BIG bins of books and at least 10 crates of books couriered in EVERY morning from other libraries. WHICH MEANS...if your library doesn't have the book you want you put it on hold and get it from any other library in your library district...AND...if NONE of your district libraries have it...they might be able to BORROW it from another county...OR...they might put in a request to BUY that book for your library. Which begs the question..."Why do we as Americans BUY so many books?" Unless we are in a book club and need MANY copies of a book...OR...we want them for our book collection. Why not just check a book out from the library. OH...I know...because we are LAZY...and it is easier to buy a book when we are at the store or order it on line than it is to go to the library and look for it!!! BTW...the library will take your old books when you are done with them.

11. When library employees go on break...they read...books they have checked out from the library!!!

and now for my final random thought about the library....

12. Your public library is an AMAZING place with SO MANY MORE RESOURCES than you can ever imagine! There are not just books, books on CD and now books on MP3...there are DVDs and magazines and story time for the kiddos and private rooms you can reserve if you need a quite place to study or need to hold a meeting and old maps you can look at and history about your area and graphic novels and comic books and music CD's...which btw, I am pretty sure people are checking out and ripping. Why else would you check out 10 or 20 CDs at a time?!?!

BUT...even if there were only books...there are books written about EVERY subject you could EVER imagine!!! It has TOTALLY opened up a whole new world of thought for me as to what I might want to read!

Seriously...I swear I shelved about book last night about knitting a sweater for your hyperactive lab while cooking it a meal in 30 minutes or less!

(I wanted to make a couple of corrections to this blog now that I have been at the library awhile. 1)You CAN bring food and drink into the library now. And 2) The slacker isn't so much a slacker...they just have their own way of doing things.)

Highs and lows for the past two months.....

2008-06-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

Well...so much has happened since last I wrote that I don't even know where to start.

SOOOO....I think I will just give you my highs and lows for May AND June..... since I missed May.... and then see if I can ease back into things.

Highs.....

Kirsten's graduation
Graduation parties.
My parents week long visit.
Chris and Grey's surpise visit for K's grad.
End of school.
Noah and Kate's wedding.
Seeing Mamma Mia with the girls.
Jesse and Kate's wedding...different Kate. ;)
Sleeping late.
New job at the library.
Jeff quitting second job.
Picnic at river with friends.

My heart...He is as constant as the Rocky Mountains and my true love. I do not know what I would ever do without him....and if you are reading this God....I never want to find out!

Lows.....

Parents went home.
Grammy's ill health.
Inability to deal with lack of connection with my friends and family.
Continued lack of financial stability.

So there ya have it! These few words can not even begin to describe the joy I had at watching our oldest child graduate....or seeing some of our favorite people united in marriage. So I'm not going to try. There have been so many pictures, mentions in blogs and postings on facebook, I am SURE enough has already been said. Like anyone is even reading this anyway.

Beatrix Potter would love it here....

2008-05-14T10:56:00.000-07:00

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in. ~George Washington Carver Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better. ~Albert Einstein

Although our home is just two minutes off of the freeway we are situated at the mouth of a small canyon. This creates a situation which feels like we are way out in the country when we are not.

One of the great things about this is that we tend to get an unusual amount of wildlife "traffic" right in our own backyard.

We are entertained on occasion by the wacky antics of the neighborhood squirrels. We have looked out the back door while eating dinner and seen deer right on the other side of the fence. We hear coyotes at night. Jeff caught a HUGE bull snake on our front sidewalk a few years ago. I have had to dodge more than one baby rattler while walking and we even had a bear running through the neighborhood several years ago.

But on a DAILY basis...we have bunnies and birds. Birds and bunnies....we have PLENTY of.

A couple of Sunday's ago I returned from a wedding shower to find a visitor. A bunny which Jeff and Keaton had caught. We don't usually catch wild animals so I was a bit surprised that Jeff had allowed this until he explained to me where he found this teeny tiny bunny.

It was under the lawnmower. More accurately....he ran OVER it with the lawnmower....WHILE he was mowing the grass. This bunny was so very tiny that Jeff was able to pass over it and the blades missed it!

We of course let it go. Jeff thought that maybe I would like to keep it since I had just recently fallen in love with a bunny at the pet shop. Then I reminded him that our dog Benji is a ratter...and has been known to wipe out nests of baby squirrels and even entire families of endangered mice.

TODAY....I went out to get the mail and as I walk back up the front steps to find that a bird has built it's nest right on the porchlight!!

I am fairly sure that this nest belongs to a family of finches that returns to our yard every Spring. We always know that the flowers will be blooming soon when our little red headed leader brings his harem of ladies to nest in our yard. Last year they built a nest in Cousin It right next to our front gate.(Cousin it is what we call our bush. When we moved here nine years ago it was about the size of a small child and looked just like cousin it from the Aadams Family.)

We also have a family of Chickadees that nest in our Spruce every year...but they are not quite as social as the finches...and a blue jay that sits in the apple tree right out our back window and sings all of the time. Yesterday I watched as a couple of Stellar Jays tried to chase an annoying Magpie off of our phone lines out front.

I don't know....these things may seem commonplace to you....but I am constantly amazed at the personality with which these little creations are endowed.

The Morning Star....

2008-05-13T13:24:00.000-07:00

I started a blog because someone suggested I should. Something about me needing to share everything.... ;)

I love doing it...but sometimes there are things I want to share and I know that not everyone has the time to read yet another blog.

Today is one of those days.

So if you got this in an email....and are now reading it online and suffering some weird sort of de ja vu I apologize.

I am sharing yet ANOTHER quote from Spurgeon with you. If it encourages just ONE person the way it encouraged me then I feel the effort to post it here as well as in an email it is well worth the effort.

It ties in so well with what our Pastor's wife, Diane, shared on Sunday. She speaks every Mother's Day and Jeff and I always look forward to what she has to say. This year she spoke on stress...and about being in the "right before"....and I have already had the opportunity to share what she spoke on with several people.

Jeff and I know we are not the only people in our "circle" who are experiencing SEVER stress at this time. Ours may not be the same as yours...or your FRIEND who is experiencing stress....but stress is stress.

If you are going through a hard time. TELL SOMEONE!!! Let them help to lift you up in prayer when you are unable to do it yourself. Let them hold your hand, give you a hug, take you to coffee.

What the enemy would LOVE most is for us to be separated from our SPHERE. He does not WANT us to fellowship...to speak of our problems. He WANTS us to hide in a dark room where he can whisper his lies.

So....Read this. Read it several times. REALLY READ IT. Soak it in. Dwell on it. And then tell me you are NOT amazed buy not only it's simpleness...but it's poetic nature....and it's TRUTH!!!

And I will give him the morning star. (Revelation 2:28)

It is best to see Jesus as the sun; but when we cannot do so, the next best thing is to see Him as that star which prophesies the day and shows that the eternal light is near at hand.

If I am not today all that I hope to be, yet I see Jesus, and that assures me that I shall one day be like Him.

A sight of Jesus by faith is the pledge of beholding Him in His glory and being transformed into His image.

If I have not at this hour all the light and joy I could desire, yet I shall have it; for as surely as I see the morning star I shall see the day. The morning star is never far from the sun.

C. Spurgeon

MD08

2008-05-12T13:07:00.000-07:00

MOTHER'S DAY 2008

This was my Mother's Day!!

We went to church and our pastor's wife Diane spoke as she does every Mother's Day. It was good because everyone was open and transparent.... from Jesse as he led music until the very end. Truth,fellowship and prayer what more could you ask for.

THEN THERE WAS IRON MAN!! We went right after church and stuffed ourselves with popcorn as we watched Robert Downey Jr. be AWESOME!! What more can you ask for....a superhero movie, with great acting and an actual storyline!

Then on to Papadeaux where we stuffed ourselves some more with seafood and dessert. When we were leaving Kirsten said, "I think I am pregnant.....with a food baby."

And...last but not least when we got home Kirsten....the one with a job....(no offense Kaitlyn ;).. had purchased three tickets to Mama Mia, the musical, and will be taking me and Kaitlyn on May 27th as my Mother's Day present!!! She's so grown up....even though we had to sit in the car yesterday morning and wait for her to run back in and brush her teeth! In her defense...SHE caught the oversight...it's not like we smelled her breath or anything.

Highs and Lows of April

2008-05-01T11:30:00.000-07:00

Most glorious night! Thou wert not sent for slumber!~Lord Byron, Childe Harold

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am thankful for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends. ~Nancie J. Carmody

This pic is proof that no matter WHAT ....Kirsten can work the camera!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.::: Emile Zola :::

So....my highs and lows for April 2008 are.....

Highs...

1. Jeff came home for good! No more working in Washington.

2. Kaitlyn's wins second prize in art show!

3. Kirsten's Prom Night!

4. Kate's wedding shower!

5. Meeting Connor and spending a bit of time with Nick and Brittney.

Lows....

1. Money Woes
2. Missing my mom

May Day Snow

2008-05-01T10:23:00.000-07:00

Snowflakes are kisses from heaven. ~Author
Unknown

The snow doesn't give a soft white damn whom it
touches. ~e.e. cummings

When snow falls, nature listens. ~Antoinette van
Kleeff

A snowflake is one of God's most fragile creations, but look
what they can do when they stick together! ~Author Unknown

This is what I woke up to this morning.

Crazy huh?!?!

I love it though. I love the snow and as much as I am looking forward to seeing my irises and cherry trees bloom...I HATE warm weather and I had already begun to morn the lack of snow.

You would not BELIEVE how quite it is outside. All I could hear while shooting these pics was the bird singing. I found only one brave dove though. I guess everyone else was hiding in the denser bushes and spruce trees.

Anyway...HAPPY MAY DAY!! If you are in an area where you can you can...dance around a pole...as for me...I am happy enough to do one last snow dance!

Life Lessons!!!

2008-04-28T11:10:00.000-07:00

Whew...it was a busy weekend!

I was honored to be able to help out at our friend Kate's wedding shower on Sat and Kirsten had the prom that same night!

There were LOTS of preparation for both events but this is what has stood out the most from this weekend....

Kirsten had a rather traumatic experience at work the other night. She was closing and the person she was working with DITCHED her and left her to finish up around midnight (even though we have made it QUITE clear that Kirsten is NEVER to be left alone to close up!)Anyway...when the other girl left she did not tell Kirsten that she locked the door. So when Kirsten took the trash out.... ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE END OF THE COMPLEX....IN THE DARK....she got locked out of the shop!

The alarms weren't set, some of the lights were still on and all of her belongings....including her phone, jacket and her car keys were INSIDE the shop. I realized about 12:30 that she had not called to tell us she was leaving and started calling both her cell phone AND the shop phone. She managed to catch the VERY last person leaving the parking lot just as he was driving away. Luckily she knew him and he let her use his cell phone and gave her his coat because it was freezing.....for which we are very grateful....and she called us JUST as Jeff was getting ready to go find her.

Kirsten never cries and she was just SOBBING on the phone and Jeff rushed right over to get her. She couldn't even call they manager or anyone because all of the numbers were in her phone...in the shop!!

When they got home. Kirsten came up and sat on the bed while I rocked her...which she also never does. She cried and said..."I could hear my phone ringing through the door Mom and I KNEW it was you trying to find me."

She has made such a big deal about being an adult recently....I think it was a good lesson for her to realized that she ISN'T quite grown up yet....and that we all need help on occasion.

Yesterday she once again, jokingly, launched into her "I'm an adult now" speech...and as she continued talking she kind of trailed off into....."except when I lock myself out of the shop and dad has to come get me...." and she just smiled.

For some reason....as I relayed this story to a friend of mine.....I was struck that there is a spiritual lesson here for ALL of us. No matter what our age.

I can't quite put my finger on it and the words aren't coming together as I would like but it goes something like this......

1. We all need help sometimes and we should never be embarrassed because me might need a helping hand.

AND...

2. More importantly..... In the dark, cold night....when we need him....our Heavenly Father heeds our call for help....and then will hold us in his arms and comfort us....IF WE ALLOW HIM!!! No matter how old we think we are.

The picture of our heavenly father acting not only as our "rescuer" but also as our "comforter" is also a wonderful example of the physical relationship between a man and wife as we serve our children together.

I love you Kirsten. You are a blessing to your father and I and we are so grateful that we were able to serve you in your time of need. We understand that you would rather not have had to ask for help. You want to do things on your own. We all do! Needing help doesn't mean that you aren't an adult...it just means that you are human. You have been a wonderful help this past year and have never hesitated to step up and serve your family in any way necessary.

And thanks for understanding that your mother has an uncontrollable need to share your life with our friends and family!!!

Love this prayer!!

2008-04-23T06:02:00.000-07:00

"Lord, give us faith so that we may overcome, and then grant us grace to remain unharmed though sin and Satan dog our heels!"

C.H. Spurgeon

Is Satan dogging your heels today? Sin?

Let's not be afraid to call it what it is people. Be it of our own making....sin....or the hounding of Satan that often comes simply because we are choosing to live our lives as God would have us live....figure it out and DEAL WITH IT!

And as a side note....is there something you might be doing today that would lift some of the burden of those around you.... be it physical or spiritual? Think about it...pray about it...and then act if you feel that is what the Lord is calling you to do.

Saved at 14...still stumped at 41....

2008-04-21T08:39:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to think that I know NOTHING about what it means to live life as an adult and a "believer". Well...maybe not "beginning", I know that I have felt this way before. The thought seems more insistent to me this time though.

I know I AM a believer...and what brought me to this place. I know that as a believer I am not only saved from "the pits of hell" but also guaranteed a place beside my Heavenly Father for all of eternity.

What I do not fully grasp, after nearly 30 years, is what I am to be about AS a believer.

I am not looking for formulas...."take one daily devotional washed down with a glass of today's entry of "read through the Bible in a year".

What I am searching for is the peace that is supposed to come with the saving knowledge of Christ. NOT the peace that comes from the knowledge of an eternity spent with my creator.... Like I stated before, THAT I get!

I am longing for the peace that comes from the KNOWING that I am living in HIS will.

I do not wish to be "blown about" by the "winds of change" or "social consciousness". anymore.

What I believe is..... "social consciousness" born out of anything but the leading of the Holy Spirit(which comes only from a one on one relationship with Christ..which comes only through salvation)....is just WORKS....CHAFF...and WILL be "burned up".

SOOO...back to my original thoughts! How do I come to a place in my relationship with my Heavenly Father where I have peace that I am living in HIS will?....WITH THE KNOWLEDGE that I WILL make mistakes because I am human.

I DO NOT wish to continue to follow Peter Cottontail halfway down the rabbit trail before I realize that I have missed "it" ANY MORE.

I am getting to old for this crap! I NEED to about HIS work...Kingdom work...the work of the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom of God thus stated.....

The kingdom of God is the rule of an eternal sovereign God over all creatures and things (Psalms 103:19; Daniel 4:3). The kingdom of God is also the designation for the sphere of salvation entered into at the new birth (John 3:5-7), and is synonymous with the “kingdom of heaven.”

The kingdom of God embraces all created intelligence, both in heaven and earth that are willingly subject to the Lord and are in fellowship with him. The kingdom of God is therefore, universal in that it includes created angels and men. It is eternal, as God is eternal, and it is spiritual—found within all born-again believers. We enter the kingdom of God when we are born again, and we are then part of that kingdom for eternity. It is a relationship "born of the spirit" (John 3:5) and we have confident assurance that it is so because the Spirit bears witness with our spirits (Romans 8:16).

God is sovereign, omnipotent, omniscient and the ruler over all of His creation. However, the designation "the kingdom of God" compasses that realm which is subject to God and will be for eternity. The rest of creation will be destroyed. Only that which is part of the "kingdom of God" will remain.

AND...just for the record....I believe the Kingdom is "at hand"...AND...for all of eternity. We need to be working by and through the PROMPTING of the Holy Spirit NOW and not just sitting around on our butts.

AARRGG!! Which brings me around the the original topic YET AGAIN.....

What am I supposed to be about as a believer?

P.S. All Scripture and/or text references that may lead me to answers to the last question would be greatly appreciated.

4/14/08

2008-04-14T16:24:00.000-07:00

Jeff gave me a really nice leather journal for Christmas and after three months since my last entry this is what I wrote.....

"I really want to journal. It's just easier to blog. Typing is faster and it has spellcheck.

I wonder which is more telling though....AND....if I ever have grandchildren who read this...or my blog...if it is still out there in cyberspace...which will they find more interesting? I don't USUALLY list the details of my daily life in my blog...or my spiritual frustrations...or my daily hiccoughs with my children...well....not DAILY.

So how best to approach "The Journal" after three months of not writing in it?

I'll start with why, after so long, I picked it up in the first place.

I felt compelled to list the desires of my heart.

Well, let me back up a bit. I was reading Oswald Chambers and I didn't like it!! It begins.... "Whom the Lord loves He chastens . . ." Hebrews 12:6 How petty our complaining is!"

ARRRGGGG!!!!

I just told Jeff the other day, "I can't believe God's STINKING plan is for us to stay in Colorado so that we can live in poverty!"

Yes, I said "stinking"...and as I look back....sitting in the bottom of the shower, soaking wet, was probably NOT the best place to risk being struck by lightning.

ANYWAY...OC goes on to say, "Where do the saints get their joy? If we did not know some Christians well, we might think from just observing them that they have no burdens at all to bear. But we must lift the veil from our eyes. The fact that the peace, light, and joy of God is in them is proof that a burden is there as well. The burden that God places on us squeezes the grapes in our lives and produces the wine, but most of us see only the wine and not the burden. No power on earth or in hell can conquer the Spirit of God living within the human spirit; it creates an inner invincibility."

So now...if God's plan ISN'T for us to live in poverty...which my wonderful husband ASSURES me is NOT the case....and He truly DOES care about the desires of my heart I will now list them here. Not as some spiritual "wish" list...but as a reminder to ME as to what is REALLY in my heart...because I am fairly sure that God already knows...and I believe that if they are there, HE PROBABLY placed them there before I was born."

HA...and that is where I will leave off sharing with you my lame attempt at WRITING...WITH A PEN...ON PAPER. You don't need to know the desires of my heart. I will tell you there were three...

and then it did kinda turn into a wish list ending with wanting chickens and my desire to lose 100 lbs.

God knows the difference between my desires and my wishes though. And I know which is which because the important ones have NUMBERS in front of them!!

Simply stated....

2008-04-09T17:24:00.000-07:00

The Gateway to Christianity is not through an intricate labyrinth of dogma, but by a simple belief in the person of Christ. -
Norman Vincent Peale

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
Dr. Seuss It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.
Rabindranath Tagore

I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.
Laura Ingalls Wilder

After all, life is really simple; we ourselves create the circumstances that complicate it.

When I was about 16, my Sunday school teacher gave our class a daily devotional called, "Our Daily Bread". I have read this devotional off and on in the MANY years since then. I used to get the little booklet...now like almost everything else...I read it online at http://www.rbc.org/odb/odb.shtml

It is a very simple devotional which at times I am frustrated with....BECAUSE of it's simpleness...and at other times I am moved to tears...because of it's SIMPLENESS.

Crazy huh?

Today's devotional was no different....

That the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. —2 Corinthians 4:7

In the days of John Wesley, lay preachers with limited education would sometimes conduct the church services. One man used Luke 19:21 as his text: "Lord, I feared Thee, because Thou art an austere man" (KJV). Not knowing the word austere, he thought the text spoke of "an oyster man."
He explained how a diver must grope in dark, freezing water to retrieve oysters. In his attempt, he cuts his hands on the sharp edges of the shells. After he obtains an oyster, he rises to the surface, clutching it "in his torn and bleeding hands." The preacher added, "Christ descended from the glory of heaven into . . . sinful human society, in order to retrieve humans and bring them back up with Him to the glory of heaven. His torn and bleeding hands are a sign of the value He has placed on the object of His quest."
Afterward, 12 men received Christ. Later that night someone came to Wesley to complain about unschooled preachers who were too ignorant even to know the meaning of the texts they were preaching on. The Oxford-educated Wesley simply said, "Never mind. The Lord got a dozen oysters tonight."

I LOVE THAT....."Never mind. The Lord got a dozen oysters tonight." !!!!

We should NEVER underestimate the power of the simple things....or folks in life.......

A simple prayer, the first I learned from my father...Now I lay me....a simple painting....The Mona Lisa....a simple song, accompanied for the first time by simple instrument, the guitar.....Silent Night....a simple flower, used to play a simple game of love or to fashion a simple crown....daisies....a simple man....Jesus.

BTW...That Sunday School teacher was Christine McDonald.

Christine is one of the finest examples of the "simple", yet life changing, love of Christ I have ever witnessed. She also happens to be the mother of my first true friend, she was the church secretary at the first church we ever attended, a chaperon on the first youth trip I ever went on, she helped me get my fist job, she made my wedding cake, she was there when my first child was born .....

and I have often said of her... that in heaven..... if I can live in a cardboard box in the alley behind her mansion and help her carry her many crowns....then I will be forever happy.

Live simply.

Home Again Home Again....

2008-04-07T13:08:00.000-07:00

So today begins a new chapter in the lives of the Pyle family.

After a long drive home from Washington, Jeff and Kirsten made it home safely around lunchtime on Saturday. They were exhausted but other than some snow and the dust storm Kirsten had to drive through in Oregon....the trip went well. We spent the remainder of the weekend sleeping, watching movies and just spending time together.

BUT TODAY......Jeff started his new job!! He called me at lunchtime and said that everyone was excited to have him there. HE was excited too because he got a bunch of new toys! A new desk, chair, computer, monitors....all of that geek stuff he likes so much. ;)

I have gotten so used to Jeff working a couple of states away....or in our living room. Now he is just 20 minutes down the road! I can go have lunch with him if I want!!!

It's so odd. I read the blogs of our friends and everyone seems to be in such defined times in their lives. Dann is single and touring with his band, Kate and Noah are about to be wed, Nick and Brittney have a brand new baby and Kath is in that MOPS stage of her life. Even our kids are in VERY definite stages with Kirsten graduating, Kaitlyn driving on her own and Keaton getting ready to start High School next semester.

AND although Jeff and I could be tempted to feel like we are moving backwards....I don't feel that way at all. We are DEFINITELY in a new phase of our lives....the problem MAY be that we have SO MANY options it could be difficult to decide which way we should be moving. Hence the need for lots of prayer.

For now....I think we will probably just spend some time enjoying a normal schedule and the time we have together. There aren't TOO many times in your life when you get to be in this position!!

All God's creatures great and small....

2008-04-04T15:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here working on a quilt and watching Oprah. Yeah...I know Kate....I told you yesterday that I almost never watch it....and I don't. BUT...when I WAS watching it yesterday I saw that they were doing a show today on puppy mills and I just had to watch again today.

Now....I have known about puppy mills since I was a child. And I am sure that most of YOU know about puppy mills....but if you don't let me just explain a few things.

According to the man on Oprah, who is dedicating his life to rescuing as many as 40 dogs a day from puppy mills, up to 99% of the puppies in pet shops...and many you find on line.... come from puppy mills. Now that is HIS statistic in PA, but I am sure that it is fairly accurate as far as the rest of the country too.

Even if you AREN'T a dog lover the footage shown on Oprah today would have broken your heart. Female dogs crammed into crates or cages so small they couldn't stand up while they were stepping all over their puppies. Animals whose feet had NEVER touched the ground although they were being bred on farms. Animals with open wounds and chains around their necks that had grown into their hair. Females with tumors in their breasts from nursing so many puppies. Dead dogs lying out in the open. And MOST of the dogs they showed rescued in this particular footage were either females to old to breed anymore or males that are not needed. If they are not rescued they are shot...or killed in some other way.

How do I know about puppy mills? Well, when I was a child my family showed dogs, my mother worked for a vet AND my mother owned her own grooming shop and boarding kennel.

SO, I learned from a very young age several things. One, if you want a full blooded dog, with papers or not, buy them ONLY from a reputable breeder...NEVER from a pet shop. I learned that female dogs are bred over and over until they can't be bred anymore. I learned that MOST puppies that come out of a puppy mill are sick, inbred or not properly socialized.

If you want FIRST hand experience. I personally have never been to a pet shop where at least HALF of the puppies didn't have diarrhea. Also, a few years ago the girls wanted to go to the mall with their friends. While there they wanted to go see the puppies. I of course was just following them around taking pictures of them as they laughed and window shopped. While we were standing in the pet shop the girls were cooing over the puppies and it was such a cute picture I moved in to take the shot. A young woman almost pounced on me and then very rudely kicked me out of the shop. It took me a couple of seconds to realized why she had done that...and then I remember that there had just been an expose about pet shops/puppy mills on the local news.

Okay....so I have said my piece. I have not even said anything about spaying and neutering your animals...or how you should save a dog from a shelter or rescue league instead of buying a puppy. You guys know all about that.

I do want to say two more things though.

1. The best pets we have EVER had have been mutts. Some rescued, some found or given to us. The only exception was Duke who was a retired greyhound from the track in Co. Springs. See, retired greyhounds, unless rescued are put to death. When we adopted Duke he had never ridden in a car, had never been bathed, had never eaten kibble,had never gone up and down the stairs and he was TERRIFIED of thunder because he had been raised in a cinder block kennel with a tin roof. We have NEVER owned a more loving dog though. He just CRAVED love.

AND....

2. If you live here in Castle Rock you might now that we have a new pet shop here. I won't say the name but I am sure that you have probably seen the sign spinners standing up and down Founders Pkwy. If you are reading this I hope that you don't know these people....because I am afraid I am about to say something to make you mad.

PLEASE DO NOT FREQUENT THIS PLACE....and tell everyone you know not to buy a puppy there. This place is a user of puppy mills if I have ever seen one. The puppies are VERY cute...but while I was in there with my mother we spotted several things. Puppies with diarrhea, uneducated staff and if NOTHING else, HORRIBLE over-pricing!!! You could adopt anywhere from 5 to 15 animals from a shelter for the same price as one of the puppies they were selling. What kills me is the lady running the counter said that the puppies were selling so fast she was going to have to contact her breeders for more puppies.

YOU CAN NOT JUST CALL YOUR BREEDER FOR MORE PUPPIES UNLESS YOU ARE CALLING A PUPPY MILL!

And IF you know these people...and you can prove me wrong...PLEASE DO!

(After posting this I got this response from a friend in regards to this VERY pet store......

I have a friend that bought a puppy from there. NEVER AGAIN she said. The minute she got it home, she took it to the vet and was told it had some bacterial infection. They tell you that the first shots have already been given, but they couldn't come up w/ the records. This girl has spent hundreds on a BRAND NEW PUPPY.
We went there and the people are less than customer service oriented. And some guy was coming in as we were leaving with his own dog. Some girl, I'm sure not much over 16 or 17 said "you can't bring that dog in here", and the guy just stood there. (I"m not sure if he didn't hear or what) But she said it again very rudely. And he says "I though it said Pet Paradise" and walks out. She said "Yeah, for our pets not yours". NICE!!!!!!
Our dog came from the Denver Dumb Friends league. He is a very good dog. I would do it all over again.)

K....I'm stepping off of my soap box now. Those of you who know me know that I TOTALLY believe that PEOPLE come first but I also believe that we are to care and be responsible for the world around us.

Oh...our dog Benji....he's a mutt....and he was a stray...and he's running a very close second to Duke as the best dog we have ever owned. And as you can see from the photo above...he almost NEVER leaves Kaitlyn's side. She has said in the past if he was a human she would marry him. Why...because he is loyal and he loves her unconditionally.

The Time Travelers Daughter.....

2008-04-02T15:40:00.000-07:00

AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

I just left my oldest child at the airport....by herself....cause she's gonna fly....by herself!! How can a child who at one time couldn't even wear shoes because her feet were too fat fly by herself!?!

Yes, I know that one thing has absolutely nothing to do with the other.....and she couldn't even WALK when her feet were too fat to wear shoes....but that's just one of the KOOKY things about being a parent....time seems to have no meaning.

The memory of Kirsten driving home through a snowstorm after taking her SATs a few months ago is just folded on top of the one from her first day of preschool,on top of the one when she used her Tinkerbell makeup set to make stage makeup and give her sister a perfect black eye, on top of the one from the day she met her first youth directer Pastor Mark, or when she was dedicated or when she drove me home after getting her drivers license or when she did imitations of Mick Jagger when she could barely walk or when she was baptized in the backyard by her daddy and her Uncle Ken when she was ten.

I love Sci-Fi...and my favorite sub-category of Sci-Fi is time travel. Maybe this has something to do with the fact that my memories are not exactly chronological. They are all just folded in and amongst themselves and the memory of seeing Kirsten for the first time is no less clear than the one of her watching her walking away at the curb of DIA just a few hours ago.

Keaton tried to explain to me the other day that Einstein theorized that time travel was not possible and why. The details escape me...as does MUCH of what he tries to tell me about science ;). Maybe I was was intentionally blocking it out because I love Einstein...and if he didn't think time travel was possible I don't want to know! I WANT to believe in time travel...and until the day when it becomes reality....

I'll just travel back and forth in time....in my memories.

Oh...and BTW.....Kirsten is flying to WA so that she can help her Dad drive all of of his stuff back here. Hmmm...flying by herself....helping her dad make a 24hr drive...I didn't have to give her any spending money because she has her own from working 3 days a week....guess I might have to admit she MIGHT...POSSIBLY....be close to being an adult. ;)

Highs and Lows...

2008-04-01T07:51:00.000-07:00

In my friend Kath's blog she invited us all to post our highs and lows for the month of March. Here's mine....

Highs....

1. Jeff and I celebrating our 22 anniversary...on the 22nd.

2. Keaton and I flying to WA for his 14th birthday which was on the 6th.

3. The kids having Spring Break.

4. Shopping for and purchasing Kirsten's prom dress.

5. Kaitlyn getting her drivers license.

6. Having friends over the day before Easter.

7. Nick and Brittney bringing Connor into the world. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM...he's gorgeous!

8. Jeff getting a job here and not having to move and leave our house or friends!!

Lows....

1. Jeff getting a job here and not getting to be near my family in WA.

2. Our financial situation and my inability to deal with it.

3. Re-injuring the STUPID ankle and ending up back in the STUPID cast.

4. My dad loosing his job.

*******************

K...so Kath had 5 highs and 5 lows. I had a 8 highs because this month was so full ....and only 4 lows. My lows were pretty low though so I didn't need any more than that.

All I can say is THANK THE LORD for the extra highs!

This is a pretty cool excersise. It kinda puts things in perspective.

Thanks Kath!!

So What Now?

2008-03-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

I'm somewhat confused.....

After almost eleven months of preparing to move to WA....eleven months of packing, readying our home to sell, living on pins and needles for almost sixty showings, preparing our children to leave the only home they have ever known, saying goodbye to our friends AND spending MUCH of this past eleven months separated as a family....as a couple......

We are no longer going to move.

So that begs the question....What now?

Our decision to stay here is bitter sweet in a couple of ways. For one...we had spent eleven months planing a new life in WA....what our goals would be...what kind of church we would look for...and rejoicing in the fact that we would now get to be near my family. I was especially looking forward to FINALLY getting to spend time with my nieces and nephews... sharing my large collection of children's books, playing games and baking tons of cookies with them all.

Also, I had come to a sort of cross roads in my life...not quite knowing what I was to be about. My children were growing older, our small group no longer met in our home and it's members had started moving on with their lives. For three years, hosting a small group full of young people we love and adore had taken up MUCH of my time. Moving had SEEMED to be the answer to my prayers as to what I was supposed to be doing with my life.

So now...nearly a year later....a year of moving in one direction...a year of making plans....I am right back where I started. Or so it seems.

I AM thrilled to be staying in the house my family loves. I am very pleased that we won't be leaving our friends, that Kirsten can look at colleges near us, that Kaitlyn doesn't have to leave her High School and that Keaton will START High School with people he has known since elementary school.

AND...after a year of uncertainty and me and the children being separated from our ENTIRE family.....I am pretty sure we have a WHOLE NEW set of tools with which to move forward. There is not one member of our family, from Jeff to Keaton who is not more mature, more patient or more focused as to what is REALLY important in life....starting with family.

We have also learned how to care for our home better, to budget time and money more efficiently and that for the most part we are minimalist....seeing as how most of our belongings have been in the garage for almost a year and we have missed almost NOTHING except our books, my sewing stuff, our baking equipment and Kaitlyn's pair of custom made Converse high tops which we have been looking for since last fall.

I'm a little scared though. As a family we have quite a few decisions to make as to how we are going to move forward...and I personally have a totally clean slate to start with. I have nothing on my calendar, no long term plans, and still NO idea what I am supposed to be doing with my life.

All I have is this nagging thing in my spirit that tells me that I need to be USING the talents and giftings that God has given me and the desire to go back to the "basics".

A list of what I have to offer the "world" is almost NOTHING....so what am left with is a list of things to offer my family and the Kingdom of God.

So if you would...if you are so inclined...pray for me. Pray that I hear God's voice. That I am able to separate MY ideas from God's plan. And that the desires of my heart...

to use my talents as a wife and mother...
to serve Him...
to live simply...
that our home be a place of refuge and peace full of family and friends...
and that I can impact His Kingdom while learning and teaching my children and those whom God deems fit to bring into my life...to tread lightly and responsibly on this beautiful Earth that God has given us....

are brought forth to HIS fullness. Producing fruit which is useful for consumption...which is not ornamental....and which is not left to rot unused on the vine, limb or ground.

Last summer, because we were so very busy keeping this house ready to show, the cherries on my cherry trees and the apples on our apple tree sat unused, eaten by the birds, and left to rot on the ground. The waste just broke my heart. All I could think about was the fact that I had to keep my house clean when I could be making pies and learning how to make preserves.

I DO NOT want that to be what I am remembered for when I am gone.

Getting old...or just closer to independence.....

2008-02-22T09:56:00.000-08:00

Kaitlyn Elizabeth passed her driving test!!! So in a bit we will have TWO teenage daughters on the road...able to drive by themselves....without us....alone.

Well....that isn't quite accurate. We have one teenage daughter and one 18 year old who is constantly reminding us that she is 18 and an adult. Of course, Kirsten has been telling us she was an adult since....well...since she could talk. When she was a toddler though it came out like this, "I'm a dolt." We would all laugh and say, "A dolt? You think your a dolt?" There are some days...now that she THINKS she is an adult....that we say, "Yes....you are a dolt!" By show of hands how many of you out there look back to when you turned 18 and now realize how immature you really were.

Ahh...it's all part of life. Kirsten is not a dolt...and most of the time she is VERY mature....she's just 18.

When Kirsten turned 13 we gave her a sock hop. Then AFTER the party I made everyone that helped us buttons that said, "I survived Kirsten's 13th birthday party!" I think on her 19th birthday I will make everyone close to us buttons that say, "I survived Kirsten's 18th year."

You know Hillary Clinton has only said one thing that I ever agreed with....and IT wasn't even original. She quoted an old African saying that states, "It takes a village to raise a child.".......

Amen sister!! What would we do without all of you? How would we have made it thus far? We wouldn't have.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! All of this over a drivers license. We still have High School graduations, college, weddings, grandchildren.......and Keaton hasn't even turned 14 yet!!! Of course, since he stands now over six feet tall, and converses on a higher plain than most, I forget that he is only 13.

Anyway.....thanks to all of you who have stood beside us up to this point....and for all of you who will be brave enough to stick it out a while longer.

And if you see our daughters driving around....by themselves....all alone.....say a little prayer...for their parents.

Calling HGTV!!!

2008-02-20T13:06:00.000-08:00

AARRRGGG!!!!

I can't tell you how aggravating it is that after nine months we are putting the house back on the market again.....and it feels like we are starting ALL OVER!

Paint has to be touched up, trees have to be trimmed, the garage has to be cleaned, the kids rooms have to be purged, things we received for Christmas have to be packed, I am painting the rest of the kitchen, Jeff is replacing tile and I am redoing the bathroom AGAIN.

Jeff and I just returned from trying to pick out a new shower curtain and accessories for the main bathroom and instead of it being fun...it was just depressing.

On the bright side.....Jeff got our taxes done and sent off this morning. YIPPEEE!!!

And...if anyone out there is reading this.....when my mom was here this past weekend we watched several movies. I highly recommend "Becoming Jane" ....the story of Jane Austen and a lost love. It of course was slow....but beautiful. It kind of made me want to take a crack at reading Jane again. SHE'S SOOOOO HARD TO READ! We decided as a family it would be easier to rent Pride and Prejudice, Sence and Sensibility, Emma and Mansfield Park and have a Jane Austen movie marathon. You could top it all of with the "The Jane Austen Book Club"...which was pretty good too! But beware....there is a lesbian couple in it. I think it was PG13.

Also...if you like westerns "3:10 to Yuma" was good....kinda violent but well acted.

OHHHH.... Almost forgot...."Martian Child"....John Cusak...... LOVED IT!! It was such a great story!!

100 Days and Counting....115 tops

2008-02-19T12:27:00.000-08:00

In the ongoing saga which could be titled "Our Impending Move to Washington" we have given up trying to make very many decisions.

When our move fell through after Christmas we took our house off of the market and decided we would just hunker down and wait for our oldest to graduate from High School. Hunkering consisted of the children and I staying here and Jeff continuing to fly back and forth on a semi-regular basis.

When we made this decision it seemed right....and honorable. Our oldest, although she is now 18, is still our child. Leaving her to live with friends until May no longer seemed the prudent thing to do and separation from my husband seemed the proper sacrifice to make for my first-born.....in theory.

Then January 2nd came and we had to take Jeff to the airport.

This is all I have to say to my young friends who are recently married, about to be married or who are contemplating marriage. ......

Think very, very carefully before you EVER decide that spending time separated from the one you love,.....your other half..... would be the best course of action for your family.

People do it all of the time. Women stay behind for their jobs,so that their children can go to school....or because they are small.....while their husbands work far away from home. And in this day and age it should be easy. We have cell phones, email, text messaging, IM and webcams for crying out loud!!!

But let me tell you something. If the events of your day only make sense when the one you love walks through the door and puts his arms around you.....If eating is only enjoyable when you are sharing it with the one who earned the money to put it on the table.....If you can not sleep without your legs intertwined with the knobby knees next to you......if your favorite sitcoms no longer make you laugh and you begin to wish that the "Lost" would just quit whining......you should probably think twice before putting more miles between you and your other half than is drivable after quitting time rolls around.

For those of you whose beloved have spent time serving our country.....I applaud you. But unless you belong to the greatest generation,remember when the Fab Five ushered in the British invasion or thought you could join our military to put yourself through school and never dreamed you would actually have to SERVE our country.....you CHOSE a life which you KNEW would mean time apart from your loved one.

Yes....I'm griping in a semi-sarcastic, tongue in cheek kinda way. The funny thing is Jeff is actually home right now. Some people write as a way to cope, or process what they are going through. I write because I seem to suffer from some need to share our lives with those I love....whether they want me to or not. And when Jeff is gone I don't seem to have much to share.

I am hoping that as February winds down and Spring approaches I will be so busy that the blues will make way for my need to share all that will be happening in our lives.

In March we will be putting the house back on the market, Keaton turns 14, Jeff and I will celebrate our ballerina anniversary...22 years....get it two two....tutu...ballerina anniversary. Yuck yuck yuck!....we will celebrate Easter and our friends Nick and Brittney are having a baby! April brings...THE PROM. And May...OMG....May means our friends Lindsey and Daniel's new baby, our friends Noah and Kate's wedding festivities, KIRSTEN'S GRADUATION!!!!....and lots and lots of packing.......

Hence the count-down.We move June 1st if the house sells before graduation....June15th if it doesn't.

Because we loved him.....and always will

2008-02-16T17:11:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday we had a dear friend leave us. We are very happy for him although we will miss him so very much.

Unfortunatly he didn't go to a place to which we could hop a plane or take a road trip for a visit. We can't save our money, study travel brochures, contact the local visitors center or PLAN that once in a lifetime trip to go see him. So,although this is an AMAZING opportunity for him.....it pretty much sucks for us.

Because you see....we can't just buy a ticket....and there are no roadmaps to eternal life.

All we can do is invest our lives in a one on one relationship with the one who has gone on to prepare a place for us.

Our friend Frank Starr did just that many many years ago. In doing so he gave up what the "world" had to offer and chose a life where only one thing was certain.....eternity with the one who created him....and others who choose to follow the same path.

In choosing eternity Frank was not guaranteed a life free of pain and suffering....or a calm sea. And from what I know of Frank...our old surfer from Cali....a calm sea would have been just a little too boring for him.

So we who are left behind will mourn. We will shed tears not for Frank....who is free of the shackles that bound him the past couple of years.....but for ourselves. Because in knowing Frank we were all brought closer to our creator....and are better because of this. His departure leaves quite a hole in our hearts.

As for me....the news junkie....I have spent this past week scanning the headlines as I always do. I have watched and waited for the scroll along the bottom of the screen that proclaims Franks passing and have felt as if something was missing when it wasn't there. I guess this will pass with time. Although...in a news world which waits with anticipation for every tidbit of information of the daily goings ons of the likes of Brittney Spears.....there appears to be no justice at this glaring ommision of news that will indeed impact the world...in that ripple affect way of which we so often speak.

Frank left his girl Cindy behind. At his going away party, through the fog of grief, I heard someone say that we would take care of her. Somehow I doubt that....I believe she will be taking care of US for a very long time to come.

And I for one, will never see a Hawiian shirt, a surf board, or a motorcycle with flames painted on the tank without feeling a little bit closer to my heavenly father.

So I dedicate this entry to Frank and Cindy....and to Christie for watching for it. I love you all.

And now...the time has come

2007-12-26T17:20:00.000-08:00

Well...it's done. Christmas is over. The children have their gifts. No more major baking until Valentines. The crowds at the stores will begin to diminish in a few days. We are making plans for New Years Eve. The Christmas decorations will come down soon.

And then the holiday season will be over.... like a huge wave pulling back into the ocean after a storm.

I'm relieved in a way. This year has been a hard one.

We are blessed though. We have a roof over hour heads, food on our plates, clothes on our backs and friends and family who love and adore us.

Which prompts me to ponder this question......

How do we return to the years when the holiday season ENHANCE these simple joys instead of DISRUPTING them?

Why should the season devoted to friends and family, charity and the celebration of the greatest gift ever given to mankind...that of sacrifice....tear our families apart.

We argue over which side of the family we should spend our time with. We worry about what we will wear to the too many social events we schedule. Most of the time these social events then keep us from spending time with our children. And we spend too much money on gifts that we 1) Probably don't need or 2) could get at ANY other time.

Yesterday we spent our Christmas day in a very nice, old fashioned way. We went to a friends house, ate simple yet delicious food, spent time talking and played games.

During the course of our conversation we discussed the commercialism of the holidays and upon further contemplation I wish to set forth a challenge, to you...and myself, for the coming year.

Spend more time with those you love during the year leading up to Christmas so that you don't feel so obligated to do so during the holidays.

Make the birthdays of those you love a bit more special and put more energy into making Jesus birthday about HIM. (This is not my idea...it was relayed to me by a friend. Thanks Tonnie!)

And I have this notion that if we would use our talents to come up with more handmade gifts it would force us to put more thought into what we are giving. It would make us plan ahead because we would need time to work on our projects. And it would teach our children the value of truly CONSIDERING what another persons interests are.

Now....there will always be room for that Christmas Eve engagement ring....or tickets to that holiday production.....but time spent on a photo album filled with family pictures, a handmade quilt, an original t-shirt design, a hand bound short story or a framed drawing....these things will be remembered and treasured forever.

Don't think you are creative enough for a handmade gift. You'd be surprised.

Like I said...I do not believe what I have proposed is "THE ANSWER"....it is more of a challenge towards creative thinking.

The point is this.....in a world filled with instant gratification and super sized EVERYTHING..... let us remember that we as believers celebrate Christmas because of a TINY baby born in the very simplest of circumstances.

Miracles on Maple Hill

2007-12-12T20:24:00.000-08:00

Today I emailed my friend Kate and was telling her that I have just read "Miracles on Maple Hill" by Virginia Sorensen. It is a children's book written in the 50's and was a Newberry winner. I found it as I was unpacking my children's Christmas books and as I was looking at it I thought "What is this doing here....it isn't a Christmas book is it?".

I decided to go ahead and read it just to be sure. I read children's books all of the time.....cause I LOVE THEM.....and it was such a wonderful little book!!!

It was about a family who moves the mountains in Pennsylvania after the father comes home from a WW2 prison camp and can't seem to function in Pittsburgh anymore. It was told from the little girls perspective and is full of lessons as to the importance of family....and how the neighbors all help each other to live in times of crisis.

And DANG IF I DIDN'T CRY!!!!

It may have been written in the 50's...but it's lessons are timeless. The importance of making sacrifices for members of your family even if it isn't what YOU want....and how the Lord blesses us for it. The importance of community and helping each other. Respect for your elders. Learning to appreciate the beauty of nature. How everything in it REALLY is a miracle....and how we REALLY CAN live on the things that God provides in it.

I was struck as to how a tiny little children's book could move me so much....and I think it proves a very important point. We strive SOOOO incredibly hard to dig deep...to be smart...to read and discuss the "heavy stuff"....to try to find a deeper meaning in EVERYTHING.....when sometimes the lessons just aren't so hard. They are right there on the surface. We're just so busy, so stressed, have been taught to work so hard for EVERYTHING,and take EVERYTHING SO SERIOUSLY.....that we forget to take joy in the very simple things.

So read a children's book...even if your don't have children...or your children aren't little anymore....it's okay! And you might be blown away by what you take away with you.

Oh....and my father,Earl, was born and raised in the hills of Pennsylvania about 45 minutes outside of Pittsburgh. He grew up on a hill surrounded my his family. That's his picture up there ....it was taken about the time this story took place.

Christmas Favorites....

2007-12-02T10:07:00.000-08:00

Favorite Christmas.....

CD- Harry Connick, When My Heart finds Christmas

Movie-Miracle on 34th St

TV Movie - A Christmas Carol starring Patrick Stewart

Kid's Program-A Charlie Brown Christmas

Food-My Mom's Homemade Fudge...it's not any of that evaporated milk crap

Song-Traditional....O Holy Night.... Non-Traditional..... I Pray on Christmas, Harry Connick

Book-The Christmas Box

Memory-When Kirsten was 9 and Kaitlyn 7 Mom wrote the girls a book, Annie and Betsy's Colorado Christmas. I bought them each a doll, Annie and Betsy...and Mom, Jeff and I made them the dolls clothes and furniture and quilts. We read the book out loud and as we got to the appropriate spot in the book the girls would open a box and their doll would get the dress, nightgown or quilt that was mentioned in the book. IT TOOK HOURS...and it was GREAT!

My next favorite is the Christmas my Mom bought me the "Sunshine Family" a Barbie type family...but they were hippies. Then she hand sculpted all of these TINY dishes that were painted green with daisies in the middle and all of this TINY little food.

Okay...It's December and I can NOW talk about Christmas without getting mad.

Here's the deal. I really do LOVE Christmas. I USUALLY start my Christmas planning as soon as the kids go back to the school at the end of August. I start wanting to listen to Christmas music right after Halloween. I decorate the day after Thanksgiving and I start planning my Christmas baking soon after.

This year....not so much.

Our impending move, separation from family, financial issues and Jeff's being in WA so much have just kinda crushed the Christmas Spirit right out of me.

Soooo....I thought I would post my list of Christmas "faves"..... and maybe when you guys come across them in the days to come....you'll send up a little prayer for me. That the trials of this "season" of my life....not rob me of the of the joys of this "Christmas" Season.

Lyrics...I Pray on Christmas
I pray on Christmas That the Lord will see me through
I pray on Christmas He'll show me what to do
I pray on Christmas He'll help me understand
And I pray on Christmas He'll take me by the hand
I pray on Christmas That the sick will soon be strong
I pray on Christmas The Lord will hear my song
I pray on Christmas That God will lead the way
And I pray on Christmas He'll get me through another day
I pray on Christmas I pray on Christmas
I pray on Christmas He'll get me through another day
I pray on Christmas All our problems gonna be worked out
I pray on Christmas God'll show us what love's about
I pray on Christmas To do your will each day
And I pray on Christmas That I'll be with you in heaven some day
I pray on Christmas Oh, the sick will soon be strong
I pray on Christmas The Lord will hear my song
I pray on Christmas That God will lead the way
And I pray I really pray on Christmas He'll get me through another day
He'll get me through another day...

Picture is me...my first Christmas 1967

WE'VE BEEN ROBBED!!!

2007-11-23T08:25:00.000-08:00

If your house had broken into you'd call the police.

Who do you call when a whole HOLIDAY is stolen from you!?!?!

I KNOW you know what I am talking about.

Somehow we went right from Halloween to Christmas, skipping Thanksgiving altogether.

I blame the retail outlets, advertisers and radio stations...and US..for letting them do this to us.

The day before Halloween the stores began to move what was left of the Halloween merchandise on the clearance shelves and the Christmas merchandise was set out front and center. Even before that the Christmas stuff was out....it was just a few aisles over. Not quite the focus of attention....but it WAS there...in the ready...playing Jedi Mind tricks on us. "This is NOT the Holiday you want."

Now...don't get me wrong. Those of you who know me well KNOW that I love Christmas. From the cookies, to the gifts, to the gatherings, to the decorations. ALL of the decorations. Our living room usually looks like Santa threw up in it. All of our OTHER home decorations are removed and they are ALL replaced by our various collections. We even have a "nutcracker" clock that plays music EVERY hour on the hour.

I LOVE Thanksgiving too though. I love the colors, what it represents and the fact that it makes us stop and be thankful before the insanity of the Christmas season begins.

BUT WE HAVE BEEN ROBBED!! The commercials for Christmas sales and shopping began several weeks ago as did the Christmas songs on the radio. I was listening to the local "oldies" show a couple of weeks ago and one of the DJs was reading the hate mail he had received for playing Christmas music the morning before.

And this year "Black Friday" has bled over into Thanksgiving day itself. I just finished reading a news article that said MANY stores were opened THANKSGIVING morning at 4 am. One lady said she put her turkey in the oven and left her daughter to watch it.

We live across the freeway from the outlet mall. This year the owners of this and 21 other outlet malls opened at midnight on Thanksgiving night. The local coffee shop which our friend Kimmie manages and where Kirsten works was there selling coffee and Jeff and I thought we would go over just to say "Hi" and support the baristas as they stood around in the cold.

Now, when I say we live right across the freeway I mean it. As we drive out of our neighborhood we can see the roof of the mall. We can see the top of their 77 ft Christmas tree! It takes us about three minutes to get there if the five lights between us and the mall are green. But last night...we couldn't even get out of our neighborhood much less make it across the freeway.

Why you ask?...because as FAR AS WE COULD SEE there were headlights. Just a few hours after our last piece of Thanksgiving pie it had started.

For miles to the north on I-25...for miles to the south...up Founders PKWY which runs in front our neighborhood and at both exits....there was total and complete gridlock. We managed to make it ACROSS Founders but dared NOT turn into the traffic going to the mall lest we become mired in first waves of the commercial insanity of the season.

We drove around to a point in the bank parking lot..... and just sat and stared at the hundreds of cars trying to get into the mall.

And I became very, very sad.

I don't know if there is anything we can do to stop the retail juggernaut which threatens to destroy the JOY of the holiday season ON THE WHOLE.....but we HAVE to be able to stop it's effects on OUR FAMILIES!

I'm not sure how we are going to do it yet...but I PRAY that over the next couple years I,my family and YOU are OVERWHELMED by the true meaning of the season and we are granted Divine inspiration as to how to do this.

Maybe that's the key. To treat the season as a prayer. We are taught as believers to Begin prayer with Thanksgiving, that the middle should be filled with OUTWARDLY focused intercession...and we are to finish our prayers by calling upon the name of Jesus. What better way to finish our year than by LIVING the last couple of months...when all of the rest of the world is going CRAZY....as a prayer.

Jim Henson would be rolling over in his grave.....

2007-11-21T07:26:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard something so INCREDIBLY insane that you think yourself, "The world has OFFICIALLY gone MAD!!"?

Well, it happens to me at LEAST once a month. Just when I think it can't get any worse I let my guard down and then BAM!!!

Today I am watching the news and I hear this...... "A new DVD release of old episodes of Sesame Street comes with this warning, "These early 'Sesame Street' episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today's preschool child." "

Why? Cookie Monster carries a pipe in one parody—and then eats it. There are also concerns that his obsession with cookies may cause health issues for toddlers. Oscar the Grouch is too grouchy and mean. And in the first episode, a grown man—Gordon—asks a little girl to come home with him for milk and cookies... and she does!

Please Jesus....just take me home now.

Now, I do NOT think that Sesame Street is the BEST children's programming ever created. According to my mother I was scared of the cookie monster and hid behind the couch whenever he came on the screen. And although I love the newer character Elmo....I am a purist...and Kermit will forever be my frog prince. But FOR YEARS Sesame street was all we had as far as educational television. Until The Electric Company came along at least.

I digress though...AND show my age.

My point here is this.

Well....give me a minute...I'm trying to think of ONE point. There are just SOOOO many things wrong here I don't know where to start.

Ok...How bout this? .....LIGHTEN UP PEOPLE!!!!

WHY....WHY do "THEY" have to twist and pervert EVERYTHING that we held sacred as children!?!?! Heckle and Jeckle, Song of the South, Candy Cigarettes. There are TONS of other examples too.

My OTHER thing is this...If we are watching TV with our children it seems to me that WE could USE these questionable things as a way to explain that smoking, eating too many cookies, going into a strangers house...or even TALKING to strangers are BAD!

I admit. I let my children watch WAY too much TV...but when they were little I WATCHED what they were watching WITH them. That is how I fell in love with Bear in the Big Blue House. (Which by the way is also a Jim Henson Production.) And there is NOTHING like watching GOOD children's programing curled up under your child's blankie with them.....or lying on your stomach on the floor coloring in their favorite coloring book while you "watch".

Or hey....if you don't watch TV...pick a good children's book.... and if you don't have one of your own ,borrow a niece or nephew, or offer to babysit for your friends....and curl up under a blankie and READ. You'd be surprised how good it'll make you feel.

This is what I think though. I think we should buy those Sesame Street DVDs....bake about 10 dozen choc. chip cookies....throw a party and invite EVERYONE we know....and every time the Cookie Monster eats a cookie....WE EAT A COOKIE!!!

That'll show em!!

Topics of conversation overheard at this afternoon's Pre-Thanksgiving Dinner......

2007-11-18T22:27:00.000-08:00

Upcoming wedding

Dogs

Upcoming birth

Jobs

Upcoming surgery

Church

Upcoming graduation

Cars

Upcoming move

Children

Upcoming Star Trek Movie

Pie

Upcoming Holiday Plans

Immigration to Canada

Upcoming Election

Starbucks Plan to take over the world

In some "zen" type of attempt to close a circle which began several years ago, Jeff and I hosted a Pre-Thanksgiving "Linner" for about 22 people this afternoon.

The "INVITEES" were mostly comprised of the original members of a small group formed as an effort to stem the lameness of the fine arts in the "church". This effort soon failed and was replaced by a move of the Holy Spirit to create a SERIOUSLY odd "family" led by an old chick and a revolutionary. It didn't take too long to before we all began to realize that the old chick might ALSO be a revolutionary ...and the revolutionary might just be wise beyond his years.

This move was of course hidden from us at the time.....

cause that's the way God rolls.

ANYWAY..... As you all know we are TRYING to move to Washington State. Because of this we will be hosting several different social events in order to spend as MUCH time as possible with the friends we have made in the eight and a half years we have lived here. We have to break it up into chunks though because we have so MANY friends. Today was the first event.

So.... one balmy June night several years ago several people met in our living room to discuss fine arts in the church...and why in OUR opinion is SUCKS. It was me and some kids???..... youth???.... young adults???......people lacking in years???

Since then two of these young people have graduated from college, two have gotten married, one has had a child, one is engaged and has started his own business, and one is getting ready to graduate from High School.

We also rotated in....and out...upwards to 25 OTHER people....settling at a consistent 20 or so. Within THIS group of people we have had two MORE marriages, a baby on the way, the OTHER half of that new business, three MORE college graduations, ANOTHER almost High School graduation, and one of our members now tours with an up and coming band.

We have gone through births, deaths, illnesses, weddings, loss of jobs, the start of new jobs, and at LEAST seven out of country trips...that I can think of right off the top of my head. We have gone to each others plays, concerts and family gatherings of ALL sorts. The most recent being an engagement party on Friday night.

We consist of Mothers, Fathers, Brothers, Sisters, Couples, Singles, Writers, Artists, Vocalists,Actors, Musicians, Photographers, Nurses, Teachers,Engineers, Baristas and students.

We have shared tents, condos, apartments and houses and more than one wayward son has moved out of town and then moved back...and a couple brought their future wives back with them!!!

We have gone on camping trips, day trips and to more than a dozen movies. We have watched even more movies and a couple dozen episodes of "Lost" on TV. We have played lots of games, have shared lots of music, read lots of books together and have had a LEAST a dozen "family" dinners.

We have taken hundreds of photographs, prayed for each other,picked each other up at the airport, chatted online until the wee hours of the morning, sent hundreds of texts, used thousands of cell phone minutes ......and I personally have baked a million cookies, consumed several hundred Rock Stars and sent an UNCOUNTABLE number of emails in order to "wrangle" this ever changing, ever growing family.

So .....this is what I learned this afternoon...... There is no EARTHLY way on God's green earth that we are EVER going to be able to close this "circle"!! How do you close or try to create an end to something that continues to grow change and become stronger with each passing day!?!?!??

What am I supposed to do......quit caring, not come back for future graduations or weddings, not bake cookies,not rejoice at the births of the newest members of our "family", not pray for future illnesses, exams and jobs or weep at future deaths?

GET REAL PEOPLE! I'll just have to mail the cookies....and some cards. We'll all use more cell phone minutes, chat on line more, send more texts, and we'll have to plan some more road trips.

It has been said that the quote, "Blood is thicker than water." does NOT mean what we have been led to believe. It actually means, "The blood of Christ is thicker than the water of the womb."

This I know is truth .... for there is no other way that a group of "rebels" seeking to eliminate mediocrity from within our body......

became a family.

If you're looking for a movie check these out.....

2007-11-11T19:48:00.000-08:00

The kids and I have seen a few movies on DVD lately that have really impressed me. It may have been a big coincidence but all of these movies carry a common theme....or I am just super sensitive and see this theme in EVERYTHING. The theme....community...and the fact that we can NOT get through this life separated from it.

First.....Reign over me. Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle....who are both GREAT in this movie buy the way. Rated R....for sexual references and language. If you can get past these things I HIGHLY recommend it. I have been very hesitant to watch any movies concerning 9/11. It is just too hard for me. They don't just made me cry...they make me quit breathing. The trailers make me quit breathing! But this movie is about the aftermath...what has happened to those left behind. And although it made me cry they were tears born out of truth.

Next.....In the Land of Women. Meg Ryan, Adam Brody, Kristen Stewart. Quirky,chick flick, good date movie, great soundtrack. Once again....how do we get through the difficult times in our lives without the help of others?

And last.....Evan Almighty. DON'T LAUGH!!! I SERIOUSLY challenge ANY believer to watch this movie and NOT be blown away by the strong themes of family... and following God at all costs. OF COURSE it is silly....and there are probably serious theological flaws.... but the good FAR outweighs the bad. I LOVE Evan's prayer!

Once again....the themes of family, community and communication are VERY strong through all of these movies. Rent them if you haven't already!!

Wedding showers and showers of blessings

2007-11-09T23:10:00.000-08:00

There's this "fun" thing women are asked to do at most wedding showers.......no, not design a dress out of toilet paper. It's the one where we have to write our best piece of advice on marriage or love on a slip of paper and drop it in a jar. Then as their first year of marriage passes the newlyweds are supposed to pluck one of these slips out and read it. I went to one shower where the brides MOTHER wrote, "Never fry bacon in the nude." Pretty wise if you ask me.......

BUT ANYWAY.....I always write the same thing at every shower, "Be careful what you say.....because once it is out there you can't take it back." Why....because that is one of the hardest things for me to remember. I screw it up EVERY time.

I don't mean to. I start of well. I am calm. I remind myself that "words hurt". And then when the conversation doesn't go the way I feel it should.... BAM.......WORD VOMIT!

Get this though....I don't do it to just anyone. I do it to the person I love most in this world. My husband Jeff.

Can someone please explain that to me why is it that we really do "always hurt the ones we love"? Why is it in our effort to build a better relationship through communication we end up saying things that HURT our relationships.

I don't know....maybe I am the only one that does it. I know my husband doesn't. As far as I can remember he has never said a hateful thing to me. How IS he able to do that?

Of course how does he do anything he does? The man is freaking amazing to me sometimes. He is so patient and kind and loving and funny. He is a better mother than I am and a better cook too. He allows me to be a stay at home mom and puts up with my fits of insanity whether it be a two month crafting marathon leading up to a craft show were I MIGHT make a couple hundred dollars, my insistence that he stop in the middle of the road so that I can take pictures of flowers, or my need to fill our house with young people and then proceed to stay up til all hours of the night talking with them. He bought me a camera when I thought I could be a photographer, a guitar when I wanted to learn to play so that we could sing around the fire on camping trips, every CD I ever ask for whether he likes the artist or not and a Rock Star or a Monster when he knows I'm draggin' a bit.

Yes, he is a flesh and blood HUMAN man. He has issues. But somehow I don't seem to remember those issues when he is clowning around with our friend Dann and making me laugh until I bray like a donkey and tears are pouring down my face. Or when I watch him doing cartwheels with a bunch of teenage girls on our daughters 18th birthday outing.

I love that he can build a shed AND design a piece of stained glass. That he pushed carts at Sam's Club full time and went to school four hours a day when I was pregnant with our oldest. That he makes a mean apple crisp AND is great at physics. That he busts out in fluent Spanish to our children almost daily just to keep them on their toes. That he watches Star Trek in all of it's incarnations with me even though he doesn't REALLY like it. That he can speak to the guys working in the shop where he works with the same respect with which he addresses the president of his company. That he puts one arm around the men he admires and loves at the same time he is shaking their hand. That he is the same man on Sunday morning in church as he is in the office on Monday morning. That he doesn't cuss or smoke. That he LOVES babies and baby talks our chihuahua. That he cried during "The Color Purple" and turned purple from laughing SOOO hard during "Taladega Nights". That he will stop someone in the store if he notices that they are wearing an insulin pump like him and that he WEARS that insulin pump 24/7 in order to live a longer more productive life with his family. And I LOVE that both of his ears are pierced although he works in the "corporate" world AND that without planing it we bought each other diamond earrings for our 21st anniversary.

And I guess more than anything...I love that that he still loves ME when I totally forget my favorite piece of advice to newlyweds.

I am blessed.

The Tiny Dog Rant

2007-11-06T03:55:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here in my bed, wide awake since 4am....well awake, if not wide.....because our Chihuahua, Gidget, has decided that THIS....4am.....would be a good time to go to the bathroom!!!! For the second day in a row! She is over two years old and has ALWAYS slept through the night and NOW she decides she wants to get up at 4...like some OLD MAN. So here I am, awake and hour and a half before I need to be...and she's back in her crate SNORING! What gives? Is it the time change? Is she punishing me because I am making her stay in a playpen during the day? Which be the way is HER fault. She shouldn't crap on my floor! She's smaller than a cat. Do you think she could use a litter box? Or maybe I could just buy a cat that would mistake her for a rat and eat her.

ARRRGGG!!!

For those of you who have been following the daytime drama, "As the Ankle Turns" for the past FIVE years....which is a spin off of the REAL drama, "It Takes a Village to Raise Cheryl"....I went back to my favorite podiatrist, Jeanne O'Roarke yesterday.

I have been having some problems with my ankle lately and decided that I probably needed to have it checked out. For my troubles I will now have to have and EMG/NCV...which as far as I can ascertain has something to do with sticking some kind of needle into my ankle in combination with electricity. I am SOOOO looking forward to this.

More on that after the test.

And on the "moving" front. It looks like....unless we get an offer on the house first....we will be moving to WA Dec. 21st when the kids get out of school for the Christmas holidays. We will be leaving this house empty and living with my mom and dad until this house sells.

More on THAT soon too.

K.....Well, my alarm just went off! I should go wake the kids up.

Maybe to be mean I'll just wake Gidget up and throw her out front with Benji. It's in the 20's...that should wake her up. Her snoring is making me MAD!

True Love, Teenagers and Tankless Water Heaters

2007-11-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

I got a call from our friend Kate on Wed. morning. She is visiting CA with her boyfriend Noah and his family..... and on Tues night he asked her to marry him. We've known Noah's family for about 6 years now so we are very happy for ALL of them. Kate is a beautiful young woman, inside and out, and when Noah started dating her and brought her into our circle of friends she was a welcome addition to our group.

My joy for them is a TINY bit clouded by the fact that we will not be here as they spend the next few months planning for their wedding due to our fast approaching move to WA. There is nothing like the excitement of being around a couple who are truly in love as they prepare for their future together. Especially when they also love the Lord and seek to do his will.

Just wait though Kate and Noah.....one day YOU might have two teenage daughters with beautiful, long, thick hair. Ours just spent about 10 minutes arguing about who was going to take their shower first. Kirsten "called it" first....but Kaitlyn argued that she should go first due to the fact that Kirsten always drains the water heater. Kaitlyn DID have a point....but how do you argue with the "I called it" rule??

THANKFULLY in choosing all of the upgrades for the house we're having built in WA....we're getting a TANKLESS WATER HEATER!!! YES!!

So Kate and Noah....make sure you get one of those before you have teenagers......because you MAY just end up with a SON whose hair is just as long and thick as your daughters!!!

Congratulations Noah and Kate!! We love you both dearly.
(Since this blog was posted our contingency ran out and we will NOT be getting the new house we were about to start building...so NO tankless water heater!)

The Golden Compass....use it as a topic of conversation...not a ANOTHER wedge....

2007-10-30T10:34:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone,

There are a couple of emails going around about the new movie, "The Golden Compass". They are saying somethings about how the movie/book bashes the Catholic church and stuff and I just thought I would weigh in.

First a little background.....

I LOVE and collect children's literature.

I started working in the school library when our oldest was in kindergarten and continued doing so until last year when our youngest was in the seventh grade. A) So that I could catch up and monitor children's literature since so much had been published since I was a child. and B) So that I could stay close to what goes on in the schools.

Also...on a spiritual note....

I do tend to read books with a "spiritual eye"...for lack of a better term. What I read, be it religious, spiritual or TOTALLY secular IS colored by my relationship with the Lord. I see God where others might not tend to see him....and I am fairly sensitive when something is even mildly "anti-God".

With that said.....

You will never be able to let your children read MOST classic children's literature if you do not let them read anything with magic, witches or other things supernatural. AND if that is what you choose to do...that is FINE...but it means they will miss out on a LOT of GREAT children's literature INCLUDING the Narnia, Tolkien and L'Engle series. All of which were written by Christians. I know because I RESEARCHED IT....ON MY OWN. I did NOT take anyone else's word for it. I read their books and bios and interviews.

ALSO....I have read all of the Harry Potter books. They ARE the next classic children's literature. I have read and watched MANY interviews with JK Rowling and she has never said one thing, that I have seen, to lead me to believe that any of the GARBAGE you read in mass emails about her "pushing" witchcraft or bashing the church is true. She DOES NOT bash the church in her books and the "heroes" in the book do not hate "muggles". They, in fact, spend most of their time trying to protect them.

My problem with her books.....It CAN promote witchcraft. Among young people who DO NOT HAVE parents that care enough to read it with their children and/or might not be believers. These books hold NO danger to those with parents who sit down and explain to them that magic is ALWAYS a bad thing but for some UNKNOWN reason MOST great authors use it in their books. So....I feel a real sadness for all of those children who don't have anyone to "protect" them from Satan's insidious ways.

The DiVinci code....read it....loved it....love his other books too. I do feel that Tom Hanks was a VERY poor choice for the main character in the movie though. ;)

Liberals like to talk about how IGNORANT Christians are. Well....the ignorant ones are the ones who can't read the forward of this book and SEE VERY CLEARLY, IN BLACK AN WHITE where this guy, Dan Brown, says that this is a WORK OF FICTION PEOPLE!!!! How much MONEY and time was spent not ONLY by the Catholic church but by many evangelical churches giving seminars on how to BATTLE the book and movie that could have been used to buy food for the homeless or for the widows and orphans??? Satan must have had a GOOD laugh about that one!!!

Now...the Golden Compass. I have felt an overwhelming sense of "evil" from maybe a half dozen books. So much so that I was compelled to SHUT THE BOOK after two pages or so. One of them was an Anne Rice book. DUH!!!

But another one....was the Golden Compass. Now this is where you will think I am nuts. This book was SOOOOO "weird" to me that I HAD to continue reading it! I KNEW that this guy was bashing NOT just the catholic church...like these emails are saying.... but "THE CHURCH".

So...because I HAD TO KNOW where the heck this author was coming from and what he was trying to promote.......I read the whole book....and the next one.....AND started on the third one....before I finally got to about the second chapter and just shut the book. I was not willing to feel the way I felt when reading those books for the sake of research. I just decided to tell everyone I know to keep those books away from their kids. Not something I usually do.

AND....it is one of the handful of books that I have told my children that they can not read until they are adults and can make their own decision. And they have not argued with me. Because we have a history...an established routine....and they understand our background...... BECAUSE we have talked about it.

I have known the movie was being made for A LONG TIME. And guess what.....I am going to see it. I ...for myself...would like to see how they approach many of the things that bothered me about the book...as a believer. The kids aren't sure that they want to. They know what I have said about it. So we will see how that all plays out.

And you know what. My kids are almost grown now! I can't read or watch EVERYTHING they want to read and watch now. During the summer they might read 3 to 5 books a week!!

BUT....We pray that we have laid a good foundation. I still kind of flip through most of their books. I give my opinion....but most of the time they make their own choices. Some they put down ....some they don't....and most of the time they surprise me by making AMAZING choices before they even leave the library. The girls both read a LOT of Shakespeare this summer....which I NEVER read because it is HARD!! ;) But guess what.....Shakespeare sometimes used "supernatural" elements in his stuff.

ANYWAY....I guess you know what my "soapbox" is now huh?!?!? Sorry....but children's literature REALLY is one of my great loves. Anytime I can couple that with my love for Christ...well that's just a bonus!!

Here is a link to Snopes where you can read one of the emails going around and some other info
http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/compass.asp

And here are a few interviews with Philip Pullman. The first one is probably the most telling.

http://www.surefish.co.uk/culture/features/pullman_interview.htm

http://www.powells.com/authors/pullman.html

http://www.teenreads.com/authors/au-pullman-philip.asp

C.