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Thursday, December 2, 2010

Reconciling The Grinch and Baby Jesus Within Myself

I pray O Lord that the spirit within me find a way to celebrate the LIFE of your Son in some special way during this advent season. Your ways are unknown to me. Help me to set aside my reluctance to be shoved into a box by society AND the traditions of the church and just ENJOY this time of year. Allow me to be an example to my children. Let me not forget the lessons learned during these lean years. I believe they are important. Lead me to create a whole NEW set of traditions based on your love and the example your sacrifice sets for us. I see the spark of a new way of life Lord. Give me the breath and the strength to fan it into a flame.

In my struggle to bring the secular vs the spiritual sides of this holiday season into alignment within myself I found this modern day parable touching.

Blessings to all this second day of December 2010!

The Parable of the Shopper
Author unknown

My feet were tired, my hands cold, my arms exhausted from the weight of the packages, and it was beginning to snow. The bus was late. I kept rearranging my packages, trying to hold them in a different way in order to give my poor arms a rest. I still remember that day as if it were yesterday, and yet fifteen years have gone by. Nevertheless, when Christmas rolls around, I remember that day on the bus.

I was tired. I had been Christmas shopping all day long. When the bus finally arrived, it was packed with holiday shoppers in the same exhausted mood as I. I sank into the only vacant place, near the back, by a handsome gentleman. He politely helped me to situate my packages and even held some of them himself.

"My goodness," he said, "did you leave any merchandise still in the stores for the rest of us?"

"I don't think so," I moaned. "Worst of all, I still haven't made all of my purchases."

The woman in the seat behind us joined in my grief and added, "No, the worst thing is that the day after Christmas we will be carrying this same armload back to the store to exchange it."

Her comment brought a general chuckle from all those within earshot, including my seat mate. As the laughter subsided, he began in a quiet, melodious voice, deepened with experience, to teach me a lesson that I have never forgotten:

"Hear now the parable of the shopper," he said, speaking gently and indicating my packages. "A woman went forth to shop, and as she shopped, she carefully planned. Each child's desires were considered. The hard-earned money was divided, and the many purchases were made with the pure joy and delight that is known only to the giver. Then the gifts were wrapped and placed lovingly under the tree. In eager anticipation she scanned each face as the gifts were opened."

"'What a lovely sweater,' said the eldest daughter, 'but I think I would prefer blue. I suppose I can exchange it?'

"'Thank you for the cassette player, Mother. It's just what I wanted,' said her son. And then aside, secretly to his sister, he continued, 'I told her I wanted the one with the automatic reverse and an extra speaker. I never get what I want!'

"The youngest child spoke out with the spoiled honesty of her age, 'I hate rag dolls! I wanted a china doll. I won't play with it!' And the doll, still in the box, was kicked under the couch."

"One gift still lay under the tree. The woman pointed it out to her husband. 'Your gift is still there.'

"'I'll open it when I have the time,' he stated. 'I want to get this bike put together first.'

"How sad it is," continued his soft, beautiful voice. "When gifts are not received in the same spirit they are given. To reject a thoughtful gift is to reject the loving sentiment of the giver himself. And yet, are we not all sometimes guilty of rejecting?"

He was talking not only to me, but to all of those on the bus. They had all gathered around. The bus was parked.

He took a present from my stack.

"This one," he said, holding it up and pretending to open the card, "could be to you." He pointed to a rough-looking, teenage boy in a worn denim jacket and pretended to read the gift card. "To you I give My life, lived perfectly, as an example so that you might see the pattern and live worthy to return and live with Me again. Merry Christmas from the Messiah."

"This one," he said, holding up a pure, white present, "is for you." He held out the gift to a worn-looking woman, who in earlier years must have been a real beauty. She read the card out loud and allowed her tears to slip without shame down her painted face. "My gift to you is repentance. This Christmas I wish you to know for certain that though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow. Signed, your Advocate with the Father."

"That isn't all. No, here is a big, red package." he looked around the group and brought a ragged, unkempt, little child forward. "This package would be for you if He were here. The card would say, 'On this Christmas and always, My gift to you is love. From your brother, Jesus.'"

"One final gift," said my seat mate. "The greatest of all the gifts of God--Eternal life!"

He held our minds and our hearts. We were a hungry audience. Though our shopping had left us drained, now we were being filled by his words.

"How we receive these gifts, these precious gifts from the Babe of Bethlehem, is the telling point. Are we exchangers?" he asked. "Is there really anything else we would rather have? It is what we do with a gift long after we have opened it that shows our true appreciation."

With those words he was gone. That was fifteen years ago, only a wink in time. But not even an eternity could erase the sermon, or the man.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Of swords and melodramas and dark places in the night...

Awakened by a dream. One word in a dream. Like someone snapping their fingers rousing me from a hypnotic trance...I am wide awake at 2:30 in the morning. Upon rising I find that all is not in order. Someone is not in their place. A mother's worst fear compounded by the fact that this mother is now to be a grandmother and it seems that all senses are heightened in a way unexplainable.

No one tells you it will be like this. That all the love you have for your own children will be magnified in the next generation of those born of your blood.

And no one tells you that this love must dwell in some horrible gray area known only to grandparents.We have no power. Like we ever had any before. We have no say so. We have no control. And we are counseled to keep our mouths closed. To let ours raise their own.

The thought tumbling around in the outer reaches of my mind is that all of the lessons I have come through in the past few years, the ones stripping me of all control, were wrought in preparation for this very specific time in my life. The time when I will truly have no control. When all I will be able to do is stand quietly, waiting to be called into action when needed...and pray.

As I lay me down to sleep, my heartbeat calmed somewhat by a few brief,quiet words...for it seems the molding and shaping has replaced much of my volume with more peaceful tones...my thoughts are not those of "what if", but of praise...scripture strung together and set to a tune sung by a long forgotten voice from my teenage years...

"LORD, our Lord,how majestic is your name in all the earth...Our Lord, we praise your name, Our Lord, we magnify your name, Prince of Peace, mighty God our lord God almighty"

And then prayers sent forth asking our Heavenly Father that I be of use. That I be useful... to HIM.

On the one hand I rejoice that in the dark places, forged by the enemy on a cold winter's night, MY spirit instinctively cries out to the spirit of my Father. On the other, my flesh is once again angry at what little control I have over my own life.

My only TRUE control in the past has been the volume of my voice, or the panic of my heart, or the "what if" centered melodrama playing in my head like a flickering piece of old film at it's tamest or a technicolor masterpiece in it's full glory. And..my flesh finds it hard to put these old friends to rest.

But the spirit of the Lord reminds me that it is okay, proper, preferable even, to put away the "Peter's sword" of my youth...the sword drawn in haste and in panic...and dress myself in a mantle of peace stitched by my Father's own hand and blessed by the blood of his son.

I pray that in the future, when I am once again set in that place of "no control", I will remember to draw this mantle over myself as a child does with a blanket, that it become the tent of meeting for my father and I... and that in this tent I find rest.