Forever Thankful 2

I have decided to take a few "Notes" from my FaceBook page and "repeat" them here on my blog.

This one from June 2010. I think it is appropriate because this week was the birthday of the pastor I mentioned in this particular musing. Come to find out he has a blog too. His name is Dr. Vic Taylor and his blog,"Pulpitministries" is listed over there on the lower right hand side under "Blog Stalking".

There is an update at the end of this "Note".
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But God does not take away life; instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him. 2 Samuel 14:14

My friend Christie shared this scripture with her husband Mark last week...and HE was faithful and shared it as he taught us on Sunday morning...and as we read it together, on a clear spring morning, which had been set aside to honor our graduates...I was OVERWHELMED by it's meaning in MY life.

For me,as we read it together,I was once again a skinny, tangle haired, snaggle toothed filthy little kid who played outside CONSTANTLY. And my mother owned a grooming shop/boarding kennel..... into which one day a young pastor walked...and invited our family to church.

Think what you may....but I know in my heart that on that particular day....our Heavenly Father devised a way so that a WHOLE family of banished persons could not remain estranged from him.

There are some days that the knowledge of this fact fills my heart and mind to a point that it squishes tears right out of my eyes. Sunday was one...as I was reminded through God's world that what had happened on that day 30+ years ago was NOT mere coincidence.

Today was yet another.

As I watched a video of Connor eating watermelon with his Poppy. As I prepared for my best friends visit. As I gazed upon the baby pictures of our first choir director's grandchild, posted on FB by his daughter whom I babysat. As I read snippets about the floor a friend is laying. As I wait for updates from New Zealand, Ecuador, Africa and Mexico. As I drink in all of the wedding plans,baby news and pray for those who serve our country. As I agree with my "other mother" that her grandchild should change his profile pic. As I listen to my husband... whom I met at that young pastor's church...dig post holes with the tall skinny son we have been blessed with....

I am once again "laid low" by God's grace and mercy....and his love for a young hippie family. That he cared enough to lead a young pastor and his cocker spaniel into the business of a young pregnant woman who had cried out for a savior...not knowing what that meant...during the height of one of the largest evangelical movements I have ever witnessed.....

And by the "family" he has given me because he did not wish for me....a once skinny,now gray haired, still pretty filthy from "playing" outside,little kid at heart....to remain estranged from my Heavenly Father.

I love you all more that you could ever imagine.
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I like to go back to this note on occasion. It reminds me of the things for which I am truly thankful. I also like to do a mental "update" of the things that have happened SINCE the original writing. I do this with my journal too. It is AMAZING how quickly things change.

Since this was written in June...

My mother and I have both shared the testimony of how a devine encounter with a young pastor and his cocker spaniel changed our lives forever.

We found out we were going to be grandparents and my "other mom" made my new grandson a VERY CUTE blanket for when he gets here in March...thus reminding me that she has now loved FIVE generations of my family!!

Our former choir director has had yet ANOTHER grandchild...this one given to him by his daughter.

Our friends in New Zealand survived a major earthquake this week and it shot them RIGHT into full time ministry in a way unimaginable to most of us. Please check out THEIR blog, "The Cremisphere", also listed on the lower right hand side and give if you can. They really are doing good the work of God right in their own neighborhood!

We have a young friend who just purchased a ticket to Guatemala and so we will be praying for his mission experience down there!! We will also be praying for his family who have been a HUGE source of prayer and support for us during this time of "adjusting" to being new grandparents. His mother has held my hand many times during the past few months.

Let's not forget the 40 some odd people who gathered together last Saturday to bless my daughter, my grandson and our family as a whole. There have only a few times in our lives where we have been able to gaze across a crowded room and witness first hand the love of the family God has seen fit to give us. Their generosity during her baby shower was overwhelming.

Oh...the Uncle and Aunt of young Connor...the beautiful tyke eating watermelon in the video, which prompted my original post in June...well they have have also shown our beautiful daughter and The Wee One acts of kindness beyond our ability to repay. From THEIR blessings...they are blessing others.

And my parent's support; spiritually, physically, financially, emotionally,is beyond comprehension at times. The last time I said, "Thank You" to my mom, I literally prayed for someone to invent another term to express gratitude.

Anyway...the point is this....

In the eight months since writing my original post, I have been "laid low" time and time again by God's grace and mercy. That God should care for us... not only for our very SOULS, but for our day to day well being...and that he, in my darkest hours, chooses to remind me that he is indeed working in our lives through the actions of those he has seen fit to allow us to live life with...

Well...as ironic as it may seem to most of you...I have no words to express what his actions means to me.

A long way to go....but I'll get by with a little help from my friend.

One month to go until I get to hold my grandson. Four and a half weeks. Thirty-Two days.

We have come so far since learning of his impending arrival. We have painted and moved our middle child downstairs to the basement. We have purchased some necessary baby items. We have given one HUGE baby shower with the help of my mother and MANY friends. My goofy husband FINALLY picked what name he wants to be called,and it is simply,Grandpa. AND...we have cried a million tears and said hundreds of prayers as God has prepared us for this GIANT change in our family.

BUT...we still have a LONG way to go,and a short time to get there. We have another room to paint this weekend, more furniture to move, curtains to hang,baby clothes and blankets to wash,carpets to be cleaned, things to sew, a dresser to paint, a crib to set up, another baby party to throw...and I am sure there will be hundreds upon hundreds more tears to be shed and dozens and dozens of prayers to be said.

These things NEED to be done, but he will come regardless. He will come in GOD'S timing...not mine. Truth be told if he were coming in MY timing we would have waited a few years. I can not WAIT to see him, I ALREADY love him more than words can say, but I am not sure if I am ready to be a grandmother. I am still pretty convinced that I have warped my own children in ways unimaginable.

I have been accused of being controlling by those who do not know me and do not CARE to know me. And I have been accused of sheltering my children by those who do. Controlling no. If you know anything about me you know I have no control over ANYTHING. SO I am not even going to argue that with you. Have I sheltered my children? HECK YEAH!! Did their father and I monitor what they watched on TV, what movies that viewed and what books they read? You're darn tootin'! Did we make our daughters wait until high school to wear makeup and insist that they leave the house fully clothed? Sure thing! Did we make them wait until they were older teenagers to even THINK about dating? You betcha! We sheltered them..and covered them with prayer...and tried to SHOW them the love of our Lord as best we could.

But we are NOT idiots. We understand that we live in a fallen world and that God gives us all free will. Our children have their own paths to follow and their own decisions to make. We can not control them any more than we can control the path of the wind (past blog reference).

And because we have no control...no say what so ever...we will be grandparents in roughly 32 days.

But here's the thing...we haven't had much control over ANYTHING in our adult lives!! We fell in love at a very young age and because being apart was almost impossible for the two of us...we got married. Because of this we had no money. So, we lived with my parents or in crappy apartments. After a while we THOUGHT we were following God's calling and gave up our jobs and our apartments to go live and work with troubled teens,only to have the place shut down. So we crawled back home to our family with almost nothing and within months we discovered that I was pregnant. And although GREATLY loved and most welcome...none of our three children were planned.

There have been a couple of things we have "controlled". My wonderful husband when back to school and graduated at the top of his class after discovering I was pregnant with our first. AND we left our home and family in Texas to give our children a better life here in Colorado. Two major decisions made with as as much "control" as humanly possible. That is about it!

Oh...and we had total free will when we decided to follow Christ. Regardless of what you believe about those who choose to follow Christ, this is NOT an easy decision. You do not fall into it. You do not choose it because your parents chose it. It is not an EASY choice. Everything is not springtime and sunshine and all of your problems do not go away if you choose to follow Christ.

Most of the time, if you make this decision to serve our Heavenly Father, you are ridiculed by your friends and family...if not completely shunned. You are held to a higher standard by those who HAVE no standards and then mocked when you stumble. AND we as believers are losing our rights as American citizens at an alarming rate. We can not voice our opinions about anything "controversial" without being branded as bigots, we can not bring our faith to public functions or to our government. And we are told over and over that we use our faith as a crutch.

You're darn right I use my faith as a crutch!! I am a crippled mess without my Lord. If he is willing to help me make it through this insane, unfair, uncontrollable life I FOR SURE am going to lean on him!!

We have a lot to do in the next few months, a lot of hurdles to jump and a lot of obstacles to overcome. We are once again being thrust into a situation we did not expect at a time which is not of our choosing. And we CAN NOT and WILL NOT get through this without God to lean on.

And sometimes, probably more times than we care to think about, he is going to carry us, and I am not a bit ashamed to admit it.

God Bless the Texans not born in Texas...

I love quotes. I hunt them down and save them to post on my Facebook page...or to use in those handmade cards I may one day get to make. As I was hunting this morning I came across a poem that made me a little melancholy.

Texas Child

Blessed is the child who is Texas Born,
Where the wind blows free
And the sun shines warm;
Where children grow up to be honest and true,
To believe in themselves and in what they can do.

Dew sprinkled mornings, star-studded nights,
Fields strewn with wild flowers, big-city lights,
Sand-dollar beaches, and Hill Country streams,
Wild western vistas as wide as your dreams.
It's all a part of the state you call home,
and a part of your heart, wherever you roam.

Tall tales 'round the campfire,
or on grandma's knee,
Rich with legends and heroes, a proud history.
So dear Texas child, just revel in glory -
Someday you'll write your own Texas story!

Don't get me wrong, I love living in Colorado. I love the mountains, and the snow, and the clear mountain rivers and the crystal blue sky, and the clean mountain air...and did you know that when the sun sets you really can see fire in the sky?!?!

But...I love the state where I was born as well. I love the beach, I love the history, I love the massive ancient oak trees, pecan trees, redbud trees and mimosa trees, I love the hill country, I love San Antonio,I love church suppers, I love that the grass just grows on it's own, I love cowboys, I love bluebonnets, I love the Texas Flag, I LOVE THE FOOD, I love that Texas was it's own country, I love lightening bugs, I love Texas pride and I love that GENERATIONS of my mother's family were born and raised there.

And I SERIOUSLY miss the welcoming spirit of Texas. I love you Colorado, and all who dwell therein...but you people have a lot to learn about hospitality and making people feel welcome!

As I read this poem this morning I almost cried when I realized that my grandson will be the first in MY line...in GENERATIONS... who will not be born on Texas soil...and this really, really scared me. I mean, my children were not raised in Texas, we came to Colorado when they were very young...but they ARE Texans. They may not remember all of the traditions, history,and quirks of being from Texas...but they ARE Texans.

My eldest has more Texas warmth and wide open spirit in her smile than a Texas sunrise. If raised in a different era she would have been the epitome of a true Southern Bell. My middle child is a Texas beauty born and bred just like her Great- Grandmother, Mary Evelyn Ward Phillips. Tall and thin, with a megawatt smile, don't you let her fool ya' ...cause she's got a kick like a mule! She will put you in your place faster than you can say, "Remember the Alamo!". She gets THAT from her grandmother. Her Yankee boyfriend better watch out! And my youngest...well that boy makes a Texas Mama proud. He embodies the hospitality, warmth,brains, compassion, ingenuity and kind spirit of the generations of Texas men who came before him, be they ranchers, farmers, rough necks,welders, telegraph operators or engineers in the oil industry. And man o' man does he loves his Mama! And that is the mark of a TRUE Texan...they DO love their Mamas!

So yeah, I'm a little concerned for my grandson! I guess in my list of things I pray for him every day I am just going to have to pray that God draw all of the generations of his Texas blood right to the surface. I will pray that he is hardworking, compassionate, inventive, hospitable and loving.....

Oh...WAIT!! Those are already on the "Attributes of a Godly Man" list I pray for him!! Well HECK...then I don't have anything to worry about now do I! ;)

Defrag me, O Lord, and plant me by the living waters...

If we are friends on FB, you might be able to tell from the exorbitant....exceeding the customary or appropriate limits in intensity, quality, amount, or size...amount of time I have been spending on FB the last couple of days that I am not focusing very well. I wake up with good intentions and before I can even get out of bed I am done...just done.

I could blame the EXTREMELY cold temperatures...because -16 is MORE than cold enough to make your blood a little sluggish. And MAYBE fasting from sugar isn't helping....but this has been going on for a long time now. I do better on weekends, when my family is all here. We work well as a group and for some reason having my better half near me motivates me in some way, even though he never says a word to me about my lack of...of...self control...energy...discipline?

Anyway...I CAN NOT go on this way anymore! THERE IS A BABY COMING!!! A BABY WHO NEEDS TO HAVE A BIGGER ROOM TO SHARE WITH HIS MOMMY!! A BABY WHO NEEDS THINGS SEWN! A BABY WHO NEEDS A CLEANER HOUSE SO THAT PEOPLE CAN COME VISIT HIM!! A BABY WHO NEEDS A GRAMMY TO HELP OUT WHEN HIS MOMMY IS AT WORK!! A BABY WHO NEEDS HIS GRAMMY TO BE ORGANIZED ENOUGH TO PLANT HER GARDEN MERE WEEKS AFTER HE GETS HERE!!.....

And there are a three pretty much adult children and one amazing man who need their wife/mother too.Not as much as they used to...and for different reasons...and maybe not as much as she needs them...but yeah...they need her.

So, when I was reading one of the four devotionals I kind of rotate through during the week, I came across this in one called, "Our Daily Bread". This part really spoke to me. Actually, it is how I feel in a nutshell.

Like my computer, my life gets fragmented. One situation tugs on my emotions while I’m trying to concentrate on something else. Demands from every direction bombard me. I want to accomplish everything that needs to be done, but my mind won’t stop and my body won’t start. Soon I begin to feel weary and useless.

Recently I attended a retreat where one of the handouts included a prayer with words that expressed how I felt: “Lord, I am scattered, restless, and only half here.”

King David also went through such times (Ps. 55:2). In prayer, David presented his needs to God morning, noon, and evening, confident that he would be heard (v.17).

Prayer can help to defragment our lives. When we cast our cares on the Lord, He will show us what we need to do and what only He can do. —Julie Ackerman

Yesterday I was led to this scripture....

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who draws strength from mere flesh
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
...... they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
~Jeremiah 17:5-8

Yet another reminder that I MUST turn to him...and to no other.

I pray,I read the word and I journal daily. And just when it feels like things are starting to "come together", when my shoulders don't feel quite so tight.... I find out something I didn't want to know, I reach out my hand only to have it bitten off, someone lies to me or plays the manipulation game, I zig when I shoulda zagged....

And so I sit.

Tomorrow I will try again. I will do what I did this morning and start praying as soon as I am awake enough to form the prayers in my head. I will read the word. I will journal and even blog if so led. And I will pick one project and ask the Lord to grant me enough focus to finish that ONE job.

And then I will do it all over again the next day.