I could blame the EXTREMELY cold temperatures...because -16 is MORE than cold enough to make your blood a little sluggish. And MAYBE fasting from sugar isn't helping....but this has been going on for a long time now. I do better on weekends, when my family is all here. We work well as a group and for some reason having my better half near me motivates me in some way, even though he never says a word to me about my lack of...of...self control...energy...discipline?
Anyway...I CAN NOT go on this way anymore! THERE IS A BABY COMING!!! A BABY WHO NEEDS TO HAVE A BIGGER ROOM TO SHARE WITH HIS MOMMY!! A BABY WHO NEEDS THINGS SEWN! A BABY WHO NEEDS A CLEANER HOUSE SO THAT PEOPLE CAN COME VISIT HIM!! A BABY WHO NEEDS A GRAMMY TO HELP OUT WHEN HIS MOMMY IS AT WORK!! A BABY WHO NEEDS HIS GRAMMY TO BE ORGANIZED ENOUGH TO PLANT HER GARDEN MERE WEEKS AFTER HE GETS HERE!!.....
And there are a three pretty much adult children and one amazing man who need their wife/mother too.Not as much as they used to...and for different reasons...and maybe not as much as she needs them...but yeah...they need her.
So, when I was reading one of the four devotionals I kind of rotate through during the week, I came across this in one called, "Our Daily Bread". This part really spoke to me. Actually, it is how I feel in a nutshell.
Like my computer, my life gets fragmented. One situation tugs on my emotions while I’m trying to concentrate on something else. Demands from every direction bombard me. I want to accomplish everything that needs to be done, but my mind won’t stop and my body won’t start. Soon I begin to feel weary and useless.
Recently I attended a retreat where one of the handouts included a prayer with words that expressed how I felt: “Lord, I am scattered, restless, and only half here.”
King David also went through such times (Ps. 55:2). In prayer, David presented his needs to God morning, noon, and evening, confident that he would be heard (v.17).
Prayer can help to defragment our lives. When we cast our cares on the Lord, He will show us what we need to do and what only He can do. —Julie Ackerman
Yesterday I was led to this scripture....
“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who draws strength from mere flesh
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
...... they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
~Jeremiah 17:5-8
Yet another reminder that I MUST turn to him...and to no other.
I pray,I read the word and I journal daily. And just when it feels like things are starting to "come together", when my shoulders don't feel quite so tight.... I find out something I didn't want to know, I reach out my hand only to have it bitten off, someone lies to me or plays the manipulation game, I zig when I shoulda zagged....
And so I sit.
Tomorrow I will try again. I will do what I did this morning and start praying as soon as I am awake enough to form the prayers in my head. I will read the word. I will journal and even blog if so led. And I will pick one project and ask the Lord to grant me enough focus to finish that ONE job.
And then I will do it all over again the next day.
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