A long way to go....but I'll get by with a little help from my friend.

One month to go until I get to hold my grandson. Four and a half weeks. Thirty-Two days.

We have come so far since learning of his impending arrival. We have painted and moved our middle child downstairs to the basement. We have purchased some necessary baby items. We have given one HUGE baby shower with the help of my mother and MANY friends. My goofy husband FINALLY picked what name he wants to be called,and it is simply,Grandpa. AND...we have cried a million tears and said hundreds of prayers as God has prepared us for this GIANT change in our family.

BUT...we still have a LONG way to go,and a short time to get there. We have another room to paint this weekend, more furniture to move, curtains to hang,baby clothes and blankets to wash,carpets to be cleaned, things to sew, a dresser to paint, a crib to set up, another baby party to throw...and I am sure there will be hundreds upon hundreds more tears to be shed and dozens and dozens of prayers to be said.

These things NEED to be done, but he will come regardless. He will come in GOD'S timing...not mine. Truth be told if he were coming in MY timing we would have waited a few years. I can not WAIT to see him, I ALREADY love him more than words can say, but I am not sure if I am ready to be a grandmother. I am still pretty convinced that I have warped my own children in ways unimaginable.

I have been accused of being controlling by those who do not know me and do not CARE to know me. And I have been accused of sheltering my children by those who do. Controlling no. If you know anything about me you know I have no control over ANYTHING. SO I am not even going to argue that with you. Have I sheltered my children? HECK YEAH!! Did their father and I monitor what they watched on TV, what movies that viewed and what books they read? You're darn tootin'! Did we make our daughters wait until high school to wear makeup and insist that they leave the house fully clothed? Sure thing! Did we make them wait until they were older teenagers to even THINK about dating? You betcha! We sheltered them..and covered them with prayer...and tried to SHOW them the love of our Lord as best we could.

But we are NOT idiots. We understand that we live in a fallen world and that God gives us all free will. Our children have their own paths to follow and their own decisions to make. We can not control them any more than we can control the path of the wind (past blog reference).

And because we have no control...no say what so ever...we will be grandparents in roughly 32 days.

But here's the thing...we haven't had much control over ANYTHING in our adult lives!! We fell in love at a very young age and because being apart was almost impossible for the two of us...we got married. Because of this we had no money. So, we lived with my parents or in crappy apartments. After a while we THOUGHT we were following God's calling and gave up our jobs and our apartments to go live and work with troubled teens,only to have the place shut down. So we crawled back home to our family with almost nothing and within months we discovered that I was pregnant. And although GREATLY loved and most welcome...none of our three children were planned.

There have been a couple of things we have "controlled". My wonderful husband when back to school and graduated at the top of his class after discovering I was pregnant with our first. AND we left our home and family in Texas to give our children a better life here in Colorado. Two major decisions made with as as much "control" as humanly possible. That is about it!

Oh...and we had total free will when we decided to follow Christ. Regardless of what you believe about those who choose to follow Christ, this is NOT an easy decision. You do not fall into it. You do not choose it because your parents chose it. It is not an EASY choice. Everything is not springtime and sunshine and all of your problems do not go away if you choose to follow Christ.

Most of the time, if you make this decision to serve our Heavenly Father, you are ridiculed by your friends and family...if not completely shunned. You are held to a higher standard by those who HAVE no standards and then mocked when you stumble. AND we as believers are losing our rights as American citizens at an alarming rate. We can not voice our opinions about anything "controversial" without being branded as bigots, we can not bring our faith to public functions or to our government. And we are told over and over that we use our faith as a crutch.

You're darn right I use my faith as a crutch!! I am a crippled mess without my Lord. If he is willing to help me make it through this insane, unfair, uncontrollable life I FOR SURE am going to lean on him!!

We have a lot to do in the next few months, a lot of hurdles to jump and a lot of obstacles to overcome. We are once again being thrust into a situation we did not expect at a time which is not of our choosing. And we CAN NOT and WILL NOT get through this without God to lean on.

And sometimes, probably more times than we care to think about, he is going to carry us, and I am not a bit ashamed to admit it.