Big Mama is watching

Being a mom is hard and hard to shut off.

I mom my own, my siblings children and all that come into our home. If you happened to wander in to my home or anywhere within ten feet of me...you are being mommed whether you realize it or not. There may be no physical evidence of it...but it is happening. I am appraising your condition, physical,emotional and spiritual, and there are times when it takes everything within me to keep from hugging you, touching your arm, holding your hand...or picking up a child I do not know because they are crying. I was having lunch in a fast food restaurant with my husband the other day and a woman asked one of the people working there if she could hold her baby while she went into the restroom to change her toddler. I almost jumped out of my seat and said, "I'll do it!". But I restrained myself.

I considered nursing but I do not do bodily fluids. I considered teaching but something inside me knew that I would not be able to separate the teaching from the momming. The children whom I babysat and watched in the many nurseries I worked in are now adults and having their own children and yet they still hold a place in my heart. And if we are friends on facebook...I am watching you. ;) I can not watch infomercials about children in Africa because they make me cry, I can not have foster children because I remember, to this day, what it felt like to hold my last foster sister on the day they came and took her away to live with her aunt, I can not be a missionary because the thing that keeps you from having everyone live in your home does not exist in me, and this past summer I had to quit watching the news. And, if at all possible, I do not go to the mall or any other large gathering places because if I sit in a food court, or stand in line for too long...I will have to fight back the tears. We live in a lost and dying world, full of hurting and deceived people and this thought is overwhelming to me at times.

So I shut myself off from others...because it is easier, safer and less embarrassing for everyone this way...and the only ones who suffer from my momming are the ones unfortunate enough to stumble through our front door.

Consequently my children believe I do not want them to grow up, that I want to control their lives. I hate to tell them this,but that assumption could not be farther from the truth. What I want for them is this... a strong relationship with their Heavenly Father, an undying love for their family, financial security if at all possible... and that they find someone who treats them as wonderfully as their father treats me,that because of the actions of their future spouse they will not doubt that they are loved by the one they love, that they are treated like the treasures that they are, that the mere touch of their beloved is enough to pull the tension out of their world weary bodies, that the yin to their yang makes them laugh out loud every day, that they know that the father/mother of their children would be just as willing to take a bullet for them as they would be to make them peanut butter sandwiches every day of their high school career,that their other half prays for them on a daily basis,lifting them up to their Father when they are unable to do so themselves...and that their future spouses will be honorable, righteous, hardworking and able to show their love in ways apparent.

The need to love, to protect,problem-solve, to serve, to empathize was programed into my hard-drive from the the moment I was created. I am now who I have been for as long as I can remember. Some edges are smoother, some are more dangerous. I will continue to evolve as a believer, as a parent and as a wife. But I have always been and will always be just me. A mom. I mommed by dolls, my pets, my brothers, my foster siblings, all of the babies in all of the church nurseries and mother's day outs I ever worked in, and my parents... even before I was blessed with my own to mom. I WILL mom my grandchildren but I will do so as my mother has mommed my children, with a respect for my own abilities and decisions. And I will stand back and bite my tongue and cross my arms if need be...until someone makes a move to hurt them or their grown parents.

So,now that you know that you are being mommed every time you are near me,that your physical appearance is being assessed and your emotional and spiritual well being are being scanned...pray that I might use my powers for good. And if I grab your hand or arm, or touch your face, or hug you out of the blue....don't be afraid...it is just the mom in me.